Depression Clouds Everything
October 29th, 2007
A bit of a ramble about a serious topic… something that I’ve been wanting to write about for a while… but not quite sure how to write about it.
I don’t consider myself emotionally unhealthy. In fact, with the exception of dealing with a big car accident when I was 17, I feel like I’ve either been in control of my life, or very comfortable with what has happening. I don’t think that I have suffered from anxiety or depression or similar things, although I’m close to people who have and know that it’s real and serious.
I have a high locus of control, which means I believe I have a significant impact on things that happen to me (career success, family success, etc.).
But, when I started my job search there were two major things going on.
First, I was managing and coordinating all of the logistics that go into a job search. There are a ton… from getting a resume together to getting it out, prepping for interviews, dressing right, networking, researching, etc. These are all mechanical things, things that you can get coached on from the “do these 10 things and you’ll land a job” lists.
In fact, they are so mechanical that you can easily define what needs to be done, how to do it, and figure out what tweaks are required because of your needs. You can come up with checklists and plans, and it’s all good… or it would seem to be all good.
This is all good news for someone with a high locus of control.
The second thing that was happening all of the emotional stuff happening. You see, I was on top of the world… I was the general manager of my company, on the board of directors, accomplished in school and feeling pretty good about myself.
And then I became a “job seeker.” This is the person that won’t get a call back, or an e-mail reply, from anyone. The job seeker is the person who tries to get interviews so that you can see just how great they are, and what value they’ll bring to your company… but they get nowhere. The job seeker is the guy who lost an income, but still has bills to pay.
When I first lost my job I remember reading an article on MSN - it was about a guy in Korea that lost his job, went to the zoo, entered an animal’s area, and climbed a tree and wouldn’t come down. Can you imagine what it takes for a professional to end up in a tree at the zoo, and then on international news? “At least,” I thought, “I’m not there.”
But day after day, the rejection, the self-doubt, all the bad stuff that happens when your world is turned upside down, the emotions where clouding things. Judgment was clouded, because I was desperate. Performance was clouded because I was scared. I certainly wasn’t used to dealing with these emotions, especially week after week.
It was also somewhat depressing to go to network meetings with professionals in transition who were going through similar things. I was pretty amazed that I met people who were in the same laid-off boat I was, who were much more accomplished than me. Would this never end?? I didn’t want to be in this situation regularly!
I dealt with it (by ignoring it). But I knew that others weren’t dealing with it there.
A few weeks ago I was at lunch with a good friend that I met during my job search. He had a very similar story to mine, a fast-paced career, good money, big titles and responsibility, and then he got cut out because of lame corporate politics. We got on the subject of emotions, and I said that this was the most surprising aspect of a job search for me, and I asked him if he dealt with negative emotions.
Since I had met him I knew him to be composed… I didn’t imagine that he dealt with them.
His reply was shocking: “Jason, it got to the point where I asked myself if it was the wrists or the neck.“
For those of you who haven’t been jobless yet, thinking that you give 110% to your company and they’ll take care of you, mark my words, the emotional aspect of a job search, no matter what your locus of control is, may be the most surprising, derailing thing you have to deal with in your job search.
I’m not sure if I’ll get comments on this post or not… but it is a serious issue. If you have anything you feel comfortable sharing, leave a comment.
Getting a cheap insurance is far better than borrowing cheap loans. Individuals on creditcard tend to forget this and actually end up in loans to their neck. They don’t know the concept of life insurance and do not realize the value of jobs.
October 29th, 2007 at 11:53 am
I have been in a job search for 6 months. That is not really true because the first 3 months I was so depressed that I cannot, now in hindsight, say that I was searching for a job during that period.
So I am extremely pleased that you are writing about this subject so openly.
At one point right after I started my transition (I love that politically correct word) I thought I was having a heart attack. I had shortness of breath and all the classic symptoms but it was depression not a heart attack.
Now I have pulled myself together and am actively looking for a job. Hopefully I will have one before the end of the year.
If anyone wants to know that you can pull yourself up by your own bootstraps, I will tell you that you can.
This does not mean that every day is not a little depressing. It is. If the phone rings it is a good day. If it doesn’t I now have enough things to do to keep me busy for the day.
And most important, I have decided to learn something new. This way if I run out of things to do I can go back to studying.
If anyone else is feeling like they need to talk with someone “who actually knows what it is to be depressed†I am sure we can figure out a way to link up.
The light at the end of the tunnel really is there.
October 29th, 2007 at 1:13 pm
Jason, kudos for bringing this to a point of discussion. Being unemployed is one of the toughest things in the world — besides war, death, hunger, poverty, and disease — and if you are unemployed (especially for months and months), it can feel worse than these things.
It’s not just having bills to pay and self/family to support, it’s about the perception of self that is wrapped into work – especially in America – home of the over-the-top work ethic, the “you’re only as good as your last sale†corporate mentality, and a “don’t let them see you sweat†culture.
So what happens when we lose a great job (and our public persona — translation the “what do you do” networking/party opener)– especially a job with responsibility, visibility, and a sense of future? How do we keep our confidence up when our very being has been compromised? How do we remain a supportive spouse and parent (emotionally and financially). How do we manage in this “new (often unexpected) normal?â€
Gotta grieve, baby. Gotta raise our fists to the heavens and ask, “Why me?†Gotta let our family and friends into our misery, for a while. Being strong is admirable, but the toll on our loved ones of being the strong silent type sucks! We’re human. We’ve been kicked in the pants. We’re allowed to be mad, sad, and miserable. And its OK to say we are!!!
What’s NOT OK is living in either end of the spectrum too long, by ignoring the reality of unemployment or dwelling on it. Gotta find the balance, as Jason did.
Moving forward is the best antidote. Decide when, where, and for how long to grieve, be angry, whatever, then strategize a plan and stick to it – do something (many things) every day. Keep a list of activities on JibberJobber. It’ll help keep you focused and productive.
Get out of the house, have lunch with a colleague, go to professional group meetings, and build your network. Seek professional help (career coach, resume writer, counselor or therapist, even self-help books) if it’s too hard to move forward. Do something fun every week. Laugh often. Create and embrace unexpected directions, as Jason did. Think outside of the box when being in the box isn’t working (no pun intended.) And “give to get†for “career karma.â€
Jason, you have proven that determination, guts, and frustration – packaged with some genius, innovation, and a huge dose of networking mojo – was just what you needed to move past disappointment and into power. You continue to be an inspiration.
(Disclaimer: I’m not a counselor or therapist – these are my opinions and solutions, developed in 18 years of coaching great executives, some of whom lose jobs, despite their greatness! With C-level tenures ranging approximately 18-36 months, job loss is pretty much an expected outcome at hire. Often an exit strategy is the first thing my clients work on after we create their 90-day strategic entry plan!)
Deb Dib, the CEO Coach
“Unabashedly passionate about helping visionary, gutsy, fun executives with a conscience build great careers, mold great companies, and even change the world a bit.â€
October 29th, 2007 at 1:41 pm
Having gone through “the layoff” twice within the last five years, I experienced many of the emotions described in this posting and in the responses. For me, the right antidote is to look forward and strive to do at least one thing each day that pulls you along the path toward re-employment. Respond to a job posting, e-mail a former colleague who may have a connection, take a hard look at your resume for possible adjustments, or even join a community organization that can help keep you busy – you might even make a new contact that could lead you to a new job.
Or, take a stab at something that gives you some happiness – and a little money. For me, I was a substitute teacher for a few months. It led to me to a part-time teaching gig that I still have, and will continue to hold.
Sure, you’ll probably have your moments when you’ll wonder when it will all end and you’ll be back on “the path†again, but the more you stay busy and believe you’re accomplishing something, the less opportunity you’ll have to get bummed out.
October 29th, 2007 at 8:11 pm
I’m also very glad to see Jason bring this topic forward! I was laid off in 1994 from the world’s 2nd largest computer company (at the time). It’s long gone. The HQ was here in Massachusetts, and this is where most of the layoffs were. I was very lucky, since I was glad to leave and also blessed with a husband with a good job for a different employer.
However, many others were not so glad or lucky. Some were not equipped, mentally or emotionally, for the dramatic change, for whatever reason.
Within a week, we had “our” first suicide (a recruiter). Another followed in a few weeks (engineering manager). And, a couple of years after his layoff, one of my former co-workers (operations manager) murdered his wife before committing suicide. Stunning!
Fortunately, we had job search support groups here in Massachusetts, and word about them spread through our outplacement organization and our company “alumni” groups. They were, and are, as Jason noted, enormously helpful for people. Just getting together once a week with others “in the same boat” is encouraging, but often these groups provide more than just the misery-loves-company aspect. They network with each other, listen to talks like Jason gave, help each other with problems with resumes or cover letters or finding contacts. They are GREAT!
In July, 2000, I started adding links to employment resources by state, and the top of the list has always been job search networking and support groups. There are over 600 listed now, including the state sponsored ones and other groups that are useful for networking (like PC and Mac users, Project Management Institute chapters, etc.).
All the various networking groups are collected on this page of Job-Hunt -
http://www.job-hunt.org/job-search-networking/job-search-networking.shtml
I also have found over 100 employer alumni groups which can be very helpful for networking too -
http://www.job-hunt.org/employer_alumni_networking.shtml
If you know of any others that have a Website, Yahoo or Google Group, or some other permanent Web address, please let me know, and I’ll add them. I know how critical they can be.
I know of 2 suicides and 1 murder/suicide in this area from this one employer. There must have been more that I don’t have personal knowledge of, particularly in other states. There were over 120,000 employees when our layoffs started. The job clubs, job support groups, networking groups - whatever you want to call them - fill a critical role in prevention.
No one ever talks about it, but it happens.
Good job, Jason! Thanks!!
October 30th, 2007 at 7:54 am
I have been on a job search for two-and-a-half years, working in temp jobs to pay the bills. Over the last year, I didn’t job search at all, just worked, because I had experienced so much rejection, I was at the point of saying “to hell with it.” It is remarkable how narrow-minded most employers are–just a bunch of robots.
October 30th, 2007 at 10:16 am
For me, unemployment is the denied/hidden cost of capitalism. We move to cities (leave the forests), aquire specialities (abandon direct ways of nurturing ourselves) according to school and government recommendation. With job all swell but eventually unemployment will strike and we are then to wait for the less probable of again finding _that_ type of job in _that_ city (or breaking you social ties). The absurd is the state of being in limbo, of not having anything to do in a reality based on money and transaction . A limbo that did not exist in the times of hunters and gatherers. A limbo with depressions and self-directed violence. A limbo which is our sacrifice to society.
I welcome this subject. Good post. Actually this blog became more interesting, since however well-intentioned the usual positive job-hunt-spirit with all its action words of this blog is, the more it denies of the darker sides. Which is less helpful for us seeker. Good going!
October 30th, 2007 at 1:42 pm
Thank you for posting on this Jason…the misery loves company adage is absolutely true. Every job seeker out there needs to know that all of these feelings are common, and to a certain extent you should accept them- the truth is, you are not going to completely rid yourself of the depression until you are back at a job, if your career is what fulfills you. However. in the process of accepting these feelings, you need to be self-aware enough to know when depression is taking over, and do something about it- it is a fine line.
I am a professional in psychology, and although counseling is not my specialty of choice, I have practiced therapy. So I am very familiar with the signs of depression, and see have seen it many times in myself over the process of my job search. There are the mood swings, there are days when I don’t want to get out of bed, times when I don’t want to talk to friends and family, days where I wonder if I am really qualified to do anything. Sometimes I feel like I can’t talk to people anymore because my world is the walls of my house and monster.com, or careerbuilder, or hotjobs- you get the idea.
So even though I recognize all this about myself, and knowing the advice I would give to clients in a similar situation, it is still impossible sometimes to feel anything by miserable. Truly there will be bad days- being unemployed is a ^%*&^ situation. But, when I start feeling that way, I give myself a day to feel like crap, and then the next day I go to a job/networking meeting. I don’t go with the expectation anymore that I will meet that person who will give me a job, or that I will sit around sharing my sorrow with other job seekers- I just go to get out of the house and talk to people that you don’t perceive as judging you. It really does help- as long as you don’t talk about how pathetic you feel! The other thing I have realized is that there are things you can do while not working that you enjoy that you will not be able to do once you land that job. I say allow yourself time off of your job search everyday to do them. In that hour it takes for you to go to the park, or take a nap, or go for a walk, will you miss a phone call that you can’t return? Or will that one odd job that you neglect applying to make a difference when you have applied to 10 others that day? I am not foolish enough to tell people to “enjoy” their time off- that’s as ridiculous as thinking those 10 “to do” things will really land you a job easily. But, when it is all said and done, when you go back to work make sure there as at least one thing you can identify and say, “I am glad I had time to at least do ____.”
October 30th, 2007 at 1:51 pm
Thank you Jason, for talking about this openly. I was working in an international job for an NGO and got let go in 1998. After that, I think I got four interviews in about nine months. I finally returned to the US after that, and it felt pretty sweet to get a temp, part-time job after ten months of unemployment. I retrained myself, went back to university and am well-employed now.
The other side of a layoff is this, however; ever since then it’s been hard for me to trust an employer. My wife and I compulsively feel the need to have a ‘plan B’ in place. I don’t open up to people at my workplace. I don’t buy in to employer retirement plans or stock options because I don’t ever think I’ll be there for a long period of time. “Screw work before it screws you” has been one of the things at the back of my mind. That paranoia is lasting, long after the depression went away (or perhaps it’s a part of the depression, who knows).
October 30th, 2007 at 5:03 pm
Depression during the job search is more common than most people think. I am so glad Jason broached this important topic. The job search can be an overwhelming and humbling experience. We are so used to identifying ourselves by our job titles, and when we don’t have one, we let our self-esteem decrease. This eventually affects our relationships with family and friends and our energy levels. I encourage any of you job seekers who find yourselves depressed for a significant amount of time to seek professional help. After all, changing jobs is high up on that list of stress factors. Thanks Jason for having the courage to tell your own story!
November 4th, 2007 at 8:20 pm
I am in depression after 6 months of job search - no income - left a high level overseas to return to Australia to save a marriage that has now broken up - so I am so glad I have found I am not alone in feeling all these nasty emotions as a result of rejection after rejection in the job market.
God bless you all - I know there is light at the end of the tunnel - just need to get that torch light out to find the way!
November 5th, 2007 at 11:14 am
Jason,
Great job posting on this topic. I’m sure that (when I’m blogging again) I’ll blog on this as well - it’s an incredibly important thing to talk about, and we try to avoid it because it’s not the most comfortable topic.
The thing is, we identify so much with our careers and our jobs that it becomes incredibly difficult to fathom who we are when we’ve lost a job. For many people, it can be such an earth shaking blow to their identity that they spiral into an incredible depression. I’ve dealt with it with a couple of the people I have coached - they ARE their jobs. And without that job, they don’t know who they’re supposed to be.
It’s a scary time for people.
-Mike
November 6th, 2007 at 6:59 am
Jason,
Thanks for your honesty on this topic. I want to share another insight as well. Depression can also hit when you are still employed, but stuck in a job with no future. I have been working for the past few months with career experts, bulding a network, and trying all the job boards. It’s very discouraging when you put your best out there, and no one responds. I have felt trapped, with a window closing on me in terms of finding another position that uses my skills and gives me momentum, and wondered if and when the timing will put me in the unemployment line.
Thankfully I am not there yet, and I have had my first nibble in the process, but it has been a long time of searching without any “bones” to keep me fed.
Barry
November 7th, 2007 at 3:37 pm
Steer clear of Chandler-Hill partners. It amounts to a 5 thousand dollar resume. I voluntarily left a job in July and susbeqently had two minor strokes. I’m working with a new “head hunting” firm with more of an emphasis on me. Won’t have to start withdrawing from retirement savings until March. Hope it doesn’t come to that!
November 10th, 2007 at 8:56 pm
One of the reasons for depression is tha absence of really supportive people. There are a lot of self-righteous people of the “I would clean houses” or “What about retail?” variety, but, unfortunately there are a lot of fair weather friends out there, who were very willing to be around as long as I had a certain level and could afford to own a home. I don’t have a family, so friends are important. I would like to hear comments on how to make friends who will really be there, not just fair weather friends. My friends weren’t there for me. I have a real nostaligia. I am in another state now. In one sense I miss them, In another sense I am too angry to write to them. Another thing is that everyone tries to push you into teaching elementary school. The fact that I have no interest in this or that I do not enjoy operating at a second grade level doesn’t matter. Just throw them anywhere and get rid of the problem - there is no one who cares about who you really are or how you really feel.
I would like to ask how the clergy people in your religion (without naming the religions) have responded. I have not been able to get any clergy person in my religion willing to make an appointment with me or offer me any help. I am thinking about concerting, and I wonder what religions are being supportive. Mine is not. I think religion involves a sense of community and not just going to a service once a week.
November 11th, 2007 at 6:07 am
Dear Jason
The number of comments to this post says it all, thank you for acknowledging this ‘hidden’ aspect of job-loss.
My own story might help someone, so here it is. Back in 98 I was ‘let go’ from a job with a small educational publisher in Cambridge. It paid badly and I regularly stayed in the office till the cleaners booted me out at 8pm and took my Mac SE home at weekends. I absolutely loved it. So when they closed my department, I was devastated, doubly so because they kept on someone who always went home on the dot of 5pm. They tried to soften it by promising to continue using me as a freelancer - which turned out to be a bad thing because new laws shortly afterwards forbade freelancers from working exclusively for one company.
At the time I had just fallen in love and moved in with a gorgeous man, so I ignored the emotional impact of losing my job. We ignore deep emotions like this at our peril. I should have allowed myself to feel anger at the unfairness of it. I was struck down, literally, with excruciating sciatica and within weeks was so crippled I couldn’t stand up. My boyfriend was an absolute brick and got hold of a wheelchair which he zoomed me around in to do the Christmas shopping (brilliant, everyone gets out of your way!).
When we feel unsupported, as I did by my employers, it can quite literally manifest in our spines, the basis of our physical support. The subconscious works in metaphor, think of dreams. If we don’t acknowledge our feelings, we are at risk that they will manifest physically. We all know our achilles heel - the trick is to recognise the warning signs.
My back eventually recovered, but it has continued to be a barometer of my emotions. In 94 I was reeling from divorce and a business venture that went horribly wrong - another kind of loss of job. This time I was plunged into depression and my doctor prescribed what I call “the panacea for the unemployed” Prozac. These drugs do help depression, but they also take away drive and ambition, and seem to go hand-in-hand with increased alcohol consumption. By this time I had been self-employed too long to get back into salaried work and it was a struggle to scrape my business off the floor.
In 2001 I had another series of emotional challenges and this time my spine literally collapsed. I had an emergency operation on two shattered disks and now have permanent nerve damage in my left foot.
I do not regret these experiences - apart from the impact they’ve had on my financial situation - because they were catalysts for emotional and spiritual growth and led me to things that have brought me great joy. I sought a coach to help me rebuild my business and William Arruda came into my life, and thence membership of the Reach group of strategists.
I’ve told my story because I sincerely believe that the challenges life throws at us are opportunities for growth. The important thing is to seek help if we find it difficult to express negative emotions. Stress isn’t only a symptom of too much work, it’s just as relevant to loss of work, as well as other emotional losses - relationships and bereavement. Untreated stress leads to depression, illness and injury.
I personally found hypnoanalysis helpful and I read many excellent books on personal development while I was lying around recovering from back injury (I will be listing these on my new blog as soon as I’ve worked out how to do it). I also took the opportunity to train as a hypnotherapist, though I don’t practice. I recommend adding to your skills bank while ‘resting’ from employment.
I have learnt to embrace the dark periods of my life as a part of who I am, as elements of my personal brand. My target audience includes coaches and alternative practitioners because I passionately believe that they offer vital support to people trying to make the most of their lives.
I would urge anyone who’s lost a job to find a sympathetic coach, one who will help guide them through the minefield of job-hunting as well as offering emotional support to help deal with negative emotions. And don’t rely on conventional medicine, seek out alternative therapists who can tackle the underlying stress.
Oh, and it’s very liberating to ‘fess up. Our imperfections and failings are as much a part of our brand as all the positive stuff! You only have to think of Donald Trump’s hair and Oprah’s battles with her weight.
Sue Brettell
Personal brand design and communication
November 13th, 2007 at 10:30 am
[...] A couple of weeks ago I wrote a post that I had wanted to write for 18 months. It was about depression. I wasn’t happy with the post, and hoped to get some comments. It has turned out to be one of my most favorite “blog discussions” so far, with 15 heart-felt comments (and counting) about depression in the job search. [...]
November 15th, 2007 at 2:55 pm
Thank you demonstrating courage to write honesty about this debilitating yet mostly unspoken side-effect of unemployment.
I went through a similar experience in 2001 when the tech bubble finally burst for me. Compounded by 9/11 my job search lasted eight unsettling months. Thankfully I had a very supportive fiance (now wife
and incredible friends who encouraged me throughout the process.
Looking back at it now I can say the job change was for the best. However, I have no intention of ever allowing myself to be as unprepared as I was for a job change. As a result, I’ve become much more interested in career management, personal branding and connecting with people. It’s not who you know or what you know, but who knows what you know.
November 27th, 2007 at 12:19 pm
Jason,
Like Rick, this is the second time I’ve lost my job in 5 years. The first time, I was at a sales conference and told a joke that offended one person in the audience. It wasn’t over the top, but it did have inuendo’s. It was an adult joke but not graphic in anyway. She told me afterwards that she was a “good Christian”. I later found out this individual was also an ordained minister. Even though I apologised and asked for her forgivenes, it was escalated to HR. Talk about religious hypocrisy! My manager, whom I never got along with, lied to HR about certain key facts about the incident and I was let go. The timing was bad because right after I lost my job, my son came down with Chrohns disease and a heart condition. While I was looking for work, I was driving my son from one doctor to the next.
I was a dedicated worker at my prior company for 14 years and took this job only because it payed me almost double my current salary. I moved my family to NJ from Long Island NY. My kids who were in Jr. HS at the time, had a tough time with move. After being unemployed for 9 months, I finally got a job in the midwest. I was separated from my family for 5 months (I was living in corporate housing) while we bought and sold our houses.
The Midwest company that I’ve worked for almost 4 years was recently bought out. Due to another incident, (I’ll spare you the details, but essentially it was another dublicitous situation and a cost cutting move) I was let go the week before Thanksgiving holiday. To top it off, I had to cancel my holiday dinner with my family. My father passed away right before Thanksgiving and I needed to fly down to Florida for the service.
If anyone has a reason to be depressed or even suicidal, it would be me. I’m drawing strength from my faith in God and family. It amazes me how people in our society today have become so incensitive, selfish and backstabbing. These traits seem to thrive in corporate America. People in the work place use the HR dept as a way of excercising control. It’s sad that families have to pay a terrible price because someone was “inconvenienced” in the workplace. HR comes swooping in like the Gestapo, not caring about your say in the matter. It feels like an execution, but without offering you a cigarette before they shoot you. You have no rights because corporations are essentially dictatorships.
You hand over your ID card and then building security escorts you out of the building. You feel like a criminal. As you walk to your car, you thinK to yourself, what am I going to say to my wife? What’s going to happen to my family? As Tom says above, you can never trust your employer, or for that matter, the employees. When you spend a third of your life at a work place, it’s easy to drop your guard and see everyone as one big happy family. It’s sad, but as Tom says, you have to keep to yourself. Don’t offer anyone a piece of your personal life that they can use against you, and have a plan B. For me, plan B was not spending my inital sign on bonus. When I first got hired, my wife said we’ll need that money as our life boat someday. Low and behold! I know it’s cliche, but “it’s always darkest before the dawn”!
God Bless everyone and good luck with your job search.
Brian
November 27th, 2007 at 4:11 pm
I have had the dubious honor of loosing two jobs and being fired from a third.
This first time I was heartbroken. I loved my work, my job, my boss, my staff, and our customers. The COO of the company called a friendly competitor that very day and let them know that they had been forced to let someone good go and I was working at that company the next week. Even with a new job, same field, I was torn inside. Why me, others didn’t have my skills, my responsibility? It wasn’t just ego, I saw those not let go ask why her, she’s our best?! I had a terribly time keeping in touch with my old co-workers/friends/connections. I felt just horribly and flawed. The lesson I learned was not to take it personally. The company eventually went out of business and all of my old co-co-workers/friends/connections lost their jobs as well. It may not be you, it may be a lack of work, a failure of some other sort. I have rebuilt the friendships and connections from this position and need not have sundered them originally.
The second time I was let go it was a 90% staff lay off directly after 9/11. This was also difficult, it wasn’t easier the second time. I was the very fist non-owner (founder) of a start up and had really given my all for a number of years. I understood why I was let go, I understood that it wasn’t personal and I was even sort-of happy that I wasn’t going to have to continue to work those crazy hours but now with only 10% of the staff! I took another job within three months, our family needed the income I felt, and with no safety net another job seemed the only answer. The job was far, far below my old level and it has taken me years to work back up to my old level. Long, hard, dark years of hard work, again. These were depressing years of being an executive assistant after having been the executive. I really had to draw on all my reserves emotionally to get through this period. Lesson learned, don’t panic! Wait for the right job!
Getting fired, this one’s odd. You really must take it personally! After all, you are the one being fired! This company fired someone every month and I knew that it would eventually be my turn. After being laid off twice the prospect of not having work was much less daunting and I figured that the industry knew this company and that being fired from here would be a good mark as opposed to a bad mark. It was almost a relief when they finally got to me and I was fired; still, a bit of an ego blow, but much less worse the third time. I really did start to not take it personally!
One of the major fallouts is that I still feel behind financially. If I hadn’t had these set backs, would I own a house? Would I have more saved for retirement? I know I would be earning more! The second fallout is when I interact with those who have had no set backs who are arrogant. I have multitudes of emotions; jealousy, anger, vitriol. They think that they made better decisions than I. They think that it is my fault these things happened to me and that it is their fault that they have not happened to them. They do not understand that sometimes life hands you failure and agony. I find myself wishing them calamity so they will understand that calamity can occur to anyone. And this makes me feel like a bad person.
November 27th, 2007 at 4:40 pm
I have had several occasions to come across unemployment challenges. I am grateful that I was let go as part of a dot com bust without warning or knowledge… walk into a status meeting with the CEO… walk out with a pink slip saying I was fired ‘for cause’… the cause?… written in the state form?…’lack of funding.’ Really… because the bank wouldn’t fund a second round of VC he let me go…
I was newly single… 600 miles from family… all of my friends worked at a different company… I had struck out on my own and went bust.
Forward 6 months… I’m in a great consulting gig… in a great department of a great company…. helping re-design processes… helpiing migrate work off shore… hearing lots of great work that was coming my way in the new year… only to be let go at the end of Dec when my 6th month contract expired… again… no warning… no support… no clue…
But I had the experience of the 1st round to bolster my confidence for the second round and in a month I had 2 jobs… low paying… but together it was enough to pay the bills… and I didn’t stop looking… and I found another job… at the same great company… in the IT department that supported me the first time around.
And all of that was worth it… and I would do it all over again… because on Sept 12th 2001 when my newly moved in boyfriend came home to the apartment we moved into at the begining of the month with red eyes and a red nose I already knew the steps he needed to take.
15 years he had his business…. 15 years of profit… 8 employees… $250k worth profit… all gone…
Sept 12th 2001 was a terrible day to be in the trade show display business… all day long his customers called… and by the end of the next week every one of them had picked up thier displays, cancelled thier contracts and he had not a penny of income to look forward to in October.
He tried to keep the business together by moving to dog agility jumps… You can’t replace $10k displays with $100 jumps… but his brother still tries….
http://www.dogjump.com was the site, which his brother may still keep going but after 6 years of running the business out of his garage he may think of giving up on it one day.
He worked at Lowe’s for $7 hr part time… and then a string of bad contractors…. our 2002 taxes had 14 w2 forms for him!!! 3 moves later I am working at a rather large software company with several PMO positions under my belt… and my now husband is a master kitchen cabinet maker / installer…. but it has been a hard battle that we never could have won if I hadn’t been through the depression of unemployment!
November 28th, 2007 at 11:20 am
[...] These are just some thoughts off the top of my head. Please hang in there, I know how horrible this is, and you aren’t alone, even though it feels like it. [...]
December 2nd, 2007 at 1:22 pm
I know the feeling. When I graduated from business school (after already completing law school), I had a solid salary figure in mind, which I intended to be the lowest that I would accept. Little did I know that it would take me nine months to find a job! I ended up having to move from Florida to New York for a job that had no salary base whatsoever; it was completely commission-based. After being exploited for my talents, I felt that I was forced to quit before I completely lost it.
Upon returning to Florida, I knew that it would not be easy to embark on the arduous task of returning to the job search, but I was hopeful. Five months later, nearly all hope is lost. Luckily, I have found a temporary project to help keep me afloat, but it is not a career move by any means. As I continue my quest to find gainful employment, I feel that I am reaching the end of my rope. Depression has set in, my student loan debt scares me daily, and life just basically sucks. I keep telling myself that something has to give… eventually… or, at least, I hope so.
December 4th, 2007 at 9:21 am
I lost my full-time job in March of 2005 and I have struggled since to maintain my self-respect and to keep on pushing while everything I’ve worked for crumbles around me. I have a part-time job that I have worked on since July 2005, but I am only earning 1/2 of my former salary. Feelings of hopelessness overwhelm me sometimes and I too have taken months off from the job search to cope with the stress of continual rejection. I know that it is “crazy” to give up sometimes, but in my twisted thinking, I can’t be rejected if I am not out there.
For all of us going through similar challenges, things have got to get better. When is enough, ENOUGH?
December 6th, 2007 at 4:17 pm
When is enough, enough. Good question, something I’ve been asking myself for awhile now. Everything started to fall apart Nov of 2006. A relationship of five years ended, fallout with my family because it had to be my fault, the engine in my car fell out while at the mechanics and my health was slipping. Then things at my job started to go downhill and by Feb of 2007, I was basically forced to quit. I was already depressed and basically worn out. I was worried because I didn’t have much of a resume and I hadn’t even started looking for a job. I knew it could take awhile to find another one.
In the meantime, I tried to revive my garden, that was hit with a late frost early in this spring and killed half my plants. I worked on my place until the funds ran out, I didn’t get far but further than I had before in three years. A week before I was suppose to leave for vacation (the one I was never able take in the 4 1/2 years I worked for the lab) the back of a metal cabinet I was working on fell on my big toe. While my toe wasn’t broken, the nail was and that’s takes a lot longer to heal. I was able to go my trip but I only recently have been able to wear sneakers.
Now in my ninth month of unemployment, depression has become my constant companion. This time of the year has never been easy for me and now is no exception. My saving grace is that I planned early, so gifts will be given, nothing great of course but something.
I tried to remind myself that my car while not in great shape no thanks to T—-, still runs. My hair is growing back and my health has improved. Still, this is suppose to be the time of miracles and I sure could use one now.
December 14th, 2007 at 11:19 pm
Man, reading this article really hit a nerve. I left a pretty good job overseas to try something new back home. I’ve been looking for almost 6 months and, though I’ve had a couple of interviews here and there, still nothing permanent yet. I’ve applied to well over 75+ job postings, asked basically all my “old” friends/colleagues for internal company openings, and probably “personalized” my resume a hundred times.
I’ve had to move back with my parents because my student loans had pretty much eaten up most of my savings. I started working for a temp agency and, though it pays some of the bills, the job isn’t even close to what I could be doing. Sometimes I just go downstairs into the basement, when nobody’s home, and yell at the top of my lungs, punch walls and just try to vent. I’m a pretty well-composed person most of the time, and though I am nowhere near the point of your friend, I can feel and understand the sense of desperation.
I admit, the feelings come and go. Like when you get that interview, or even that “Re: Job Application” email in your inbox, everything just seems to look a lot brighter. Other times, late a night, when you’re searching, applying, writing your cover-letter (or copy-and-pasting..), it feels like you’ve been doing this forever (6 months and counting for me..).
I never expected this.
December 20th, 2007 at 1:15 am
[...] Over at JibberJobber there is an amazing post about depression and the job search. Even though I own my own company, I still hang out and read JibberJobber and other career blogs, because really I’m an employee as much as anyone else and I get great tips and tricks from the blog. Today, however, I’m reminded how lucky and amazed I am that every day I get up and walk to my office in my fuzzy slippers and start my workday. [...]
January 10th, 2008 at 8:09 am
Jason, Thanks for posting this. I thought it was just me. My depression is making it very hard to get a new job. I have a lot of fears about a new job, which is the hardest thing to overcome. I have lost all of my self-confidence.
January 17th, 2008 at 11:20 am
Wow, how I feel for everyone here. I lost my job in July of 2005. At a hospital for 9 years as an IT Director. Built everything, THE IT guy on campus. I loved my work, and enjoyed the people I worked with. A new CEO took over, and I was gone. I was devastated. I lucked out that a friend needed a good technical/engineer, so I had a job for 1 1/2 years. Left there to go to a better job [the one I'm at now] as a Director again. But after only 10 months, I’ve been told I need to “Step it up, or I’m out”. I still have a job, but the idea of potentially losing it is depressing. As soon as I found out, I started hitting the job boards at night. Resumes going out, but nothing coming back. I’m preparing myself for the “Tom we need to talk” day. I’m sure it’s coming soon. We’ve already started the process of figuring out what to do with insurance, mortgage, etc.
The IT market is a bust; too few jobs and too many people. The sleepless nights, and angst have already started. Depression, Anxiety, Feeling of Worthlessness. Having gone through it once I figured I’d be ready, but its not true. I’ve read that it takes a good 2 years + to get over a layoff, even if you’re gainfully employed. Believe me, it’s true! You have the feeling that someone is always looking over your shoulder.
All I can say is, if you need help, get it! See your doctor, friend, anyone to talk to, and cope. Don’t feel it’s all on you and you need to do it alone. Careful of the drinking…the bottle makes it worse [trust me, I was there!].
I’m not religious, or real spiritual, but to everyone here…God Bless, and good luck…
January 17th, 2008 at 7:24 pm
Thanks Jason. And thank you all who have shared their stories and feelings here. I thought it was just me.
January 18th, 2008 at 12:14 am
Thanks for talking about this everyone. I needed to know that I’m not alone. I feel awful and the last thing I want to do is “talk myself up” to prospective employers.
January 18th, 2008 at 9:44 am
[...] Jacob Share, Israel’s most popular job/career blogger, had a good post a few weeks back about showing compassion to job seekers. I’ve talked about this a number of times, in the depression post and the “religion’s role in a job search” post, in another post that I can’t find, and in passing in a bunch of other posts. But his list (you can find it here) inspired me to create my own list. [...]
January 19th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
I have found that I am not alone. I have been looking for a job for 2 months now. I’ve sent out a lot of resumes but have had not responses. I go through my depression times and wonder if I will ever find a job. I have the skills and experience but find there are so many people looking right now. I went to a job fair and there were more people than jobs available! I do have an interview coming up but I’m not getting my hopes up.
January 21st, 2008 at 10:37 am
To Marlene
Stay positive. It’s not you! I am at a point where I may seek a career coach. I’ve been sending resumes out since September, and have had only 3 interviews. A friend of mine lost his job in late December, and had 2 offers already. So it’s all about timing, and networking. Hang in there, and seek out friends and family for support. Also, get away once in a while. Even if it’s a walk in the park. Clear your head, and know it’s not you…
January 21st, 2008 at 11:51 am
The last time I was in transition. I broke up my day into 3 activities. Mornings I did long over due (because of long work hours) chores around the house and yard. Lots of good physical activity. Afternoons I spent studying for an exam for a career transition backup plan. Basically to pass an exam to become a high school Math teacher which I did accomplish. Evenings were spent on job hunting and online networking. I did find it very useful to break up my day so that I didn’t focus solely on what may have seemed to be a dead end job search.
It was a tough time with more candidates then jobs. However keeping in touch with the people of my network as well as an understanding and supportive family helped me get through it. Eventually a former colleague informed me of a contract job that turned into a permanent long term position.
I’ve been participating in an online networking group that is very much based on Ferrazi’s book “Never Eat Alone”. Over the past half of my career I’ve found that a “warm trusted network” is how I’ve gotten all of my career opportunities. In the “warm trusted” network, people are focusing on why they should consider you as the right candidate. In the cold network often interviewers are looking at how to exclude you as a candidate. Of course there is much more to it then networking but that is an important key. The best jobs are not the type you’ll find in the newspaper or on the job boards but are the ones that are haven’t been advertised (at least not yet) that you have a network advocate for.
In case anybody may be interested you can find out about this networking group at http://etpnetwork.com/
January 21st, 2008 at 11:59 am
Thomas E. Kenny:
Thanks! I still have a job, for the moment at least, and it’s overwhelming. I’m dreading the next step, because I know what it is…thanks for the tip(s). I’ll take a look at this book, and that site…
January 21st, 2008 at 10:24 pm
I just discovered this site and having read through all the postings, i would like to share mine. To be honest- for a start i never in my entire life thought that one day i would be in this misearble situation. I never thought i would be sitting at home without a job and looking for some sort of support from the internet community on the subject of unemployment and depression.
I had a brilliant job for over 10 years in a sales and marketing capacity in the hospitality industry, my days were always interesting every day i meet and talk to people, i travelled frequently for business and i really enjoyed the feeling the job gave me. And then i decided to leave for a new position overseas which was a stepping stone for me, to experience working in a new environment. I jad an expatriate pakage which was a first for me, the level of respect i got was motivating. Sadly after a few months i had to come back due to my parent falling ill and being the only child i was stressed out into having to make this tough decision to quit a great opportunity to return home in case anything happens to her. I spent 3 mths not working and then found a new job back home - it was a much lower position than my last one but i was pretty desperate and decided to just take it. BIG MISTAKE. That was the start of my downfall. Besides dealing with starting at the bottom again and getting bullied by a bitchy colleague who felt i have taken her job, i had a boss from hell, he constantly abused me and threatened to fire me from the first mth i was there.Never in my life was i so depressed and demoralized, i was in shock and did not know how to respond or handle the situation, i never was so badly treated in my life. I lost all my drive, motivation, spirit and confidence. Finally after 9 months of putting up with his shit, my boss from hell plotted to drive me out by telling HR that my performance was way way below expectation and that hiring me was a mistake. I was given 4 weeks to leave. I did not fight back as i was so destroyed already from the months of bashing. I found out later that he plotted to get me out as he also wanted to promote his ‘girlfiend’ who was in a lower position and she was threatening to resign if she did not get my post. This was office politics in the dirtiest nastiest form!
Now having been unemployed for 3 months, i’m sinking deeper into depression. I have also thoughts of ending my misery by exiting this cruel world -i lost so much blood in my last job and i also lost faith in the goodness of mankind.
Since leaving there had been some employers calling for interviews but as soon as they find out that i had left my last job and unemployed now - they just lose their interest and i never hear from them again. It’s like if you have a job they want you and if you don’t and need a job they don’t want you thing going on with employers these days.
The worse thing was i was so close to a job and when the employer found out that i had left my job and currently unemployed and need a job, they immediately accused me of having a bad record at my last job and called my previous employer for reference check and spoke to the boss from hell i had about me and of course the rejection came the very next day, the thing was they were so courteous with me and respectful during the past 2 months of the interview process (while i was still employed) and as soon as i had no job they lost all respect for me and talked to me like i was a bad kid who needed a beating!!! I was dropped like a ball even though i more than qualified for the position and was into my last interview after 4 rounds of interview!!! I was so depressed and ANGRY! And then the same thing got repeated again and to be honest i think i am getting used to the rejection already, i’m at the point of telling employers when they call that i am not interested instead - rather than letting them reject me eventually.
It has become really hard for me to move and secure a new job with my previous employer badmouthing me everytime an employer calls them for reference check, being the last job since leaving employers always want to speak to someone ther- and when they do - i never hear from them again.
I’m really in a very BAD position and never in my life did i think i would sink into such a great depth of depression. I feel hopeless i may never see the light ever again.
January 22nd, 2008 at 10:40 am
Dave,
I read your post, and you tugged at my heartstrings and hit a spot. I too have been there, and felt the same way. No way out, and feeling it would be better to end it all. Don’t do it! Go get some help; friend, loved one, relative, spiritual adviser. NO Job is worth ending your life over. Also, I’d seek some legal advice. Your past employer CANNOT speak negatively of you the way you stated. They have to defer comment, or state it was a mutual agreement to part ways, and that’s it.
It’s easy to say hang in there, and keep working at it. I’ve been on both sides, and soon to be out again. I’ve rode the emotional rollercoaster a number of times, and so has my family. It SUCKS, I won’t lie. But be strong and hang in there. It will turn around…
January 23rd, 2008 at 4:05 pm
I know things look bleak but stick with it. Things will get better.
Even if you can’t take legal action against your former employer you may just want to drop that employment from your history. I would think some employers may be more understanding about taking time off due to elder care needs then having to justify a bad reference due to the situation you were in.
Also I’d advise to look for opportunities to network with people from your other employers.
Via LinkedIn I’ve reconnected with some folks from longer ago then I’d like to admit….
January 23rd, 2008 at 5:17 pm
Dave,
I particularly empathized with your situation because I’ve gone through situations very close to yours. You are a good person to come back and take care of your mom. God is looking down on you. I think it’s important to get out of the house and do something that takes you away from all your sorrow, i.e. movies, taking a walk, exercising, etc.. I go to the gym everyday for an hour or so and come back feeling better about things. My thought process is also quicker and clearer.
One common thread though that I would like to point out is corporate politics. There is no way to avoid it, but it’s important to find ways to work around it. Although this is not always true, corporate executives get to their positions not because they’re alturistic individuals, espousing espirit de corp and looking after your best interests all the time. They got there because many of them are pathological liars and sociopaths. An axe to grind? Maybe. Go watch the movie 9 to 5 with Dabney Coleman and Jane Fonda. Although Coleman’s character is really a caricature, it’s pretty close to being the corporate exec prototype. As for me, I have paid severence through the end of January. With two kids in college, a mortgage and two car payments, I’ll need to find something real quick! Hang in there.
January 26th, 2008 at 10:38 am
Dave,
I can really relate to what you are going through. When I tell anyone that I left my job to seek a “different type of challenge” it seems to be met with suspicion. I’ve only had two interviews since November when I left my former company. I left because of all the BS going on there, impending layoffs, high turnover, lack of management, backstabbing.. You name it and this company had it. I stayed as long as I could but realized I could not cope with this type of an environment any longer. I do think it is easier to get a job when you have a job, but sometimes you can’t do this. I also had to take care of a sick parent (I am an only child) so I can relate to that. I think it is best to be honest with an employer. I’ve always thought a former employer cannot give a bad reference, only give the dates you were employed at the company. I am trying not to get depressed during this bad economy and it’s difficult. I am thinking of just taking a temp job to tide me over as my funds are running out. I am going to look into networking and a job coach. I think when you are in this type of situation, any help can be positive.
January 30th, 2008 at 8:44 am
All I can say is wow. I sort of knew there had to be people out there suffering the same (and worse) situation as myself. It makes me even sadder to see so many people in pain over employment.
My story is somewhat different in that I left my long time position with a software development company when I remarried and had a baby two years ago. We decided that because my husband was doing well, that I would stay at home to care for our baby and I also had two older children by a previous marriage that needed attention. I knew the statistics for 2nd marriages and thought to myself, I could always get a job if something should happen. Needless to say, it happened. My husband wants a divorce and I have been trying to get a job after being out of the job market for two years. Talk about stress and depression.
I hit the ground running every morning after the older kids go to school and check and recheck my email obsessively. I carry all of my phones with me every where (in the yard, mailbox, bathroom, you name it). Some days are good ones where I am able to apply to 3-6 qualified jobs a day. On those days, I can think outside the box on my skill set and scan all ads for companies that I would be interested in. Because of my diverse engineering skills, I think I have no less than 10 resumes. Those days are the good ones where I think I am making progress. I have had one interview and they called me to let me know I was their second choice as they hired someone who lived closer to them. The only other calls I have had are from recruiters who want to send me on interviews that I’m not qualified for but if I don’t go, they won’t send me on anything else.
Other days, I grieve the loss of my long time job, my marriage, the fact that my whole world is crashing down around me and I now have 3 kids to care for instead of 2. I have begged for my old job back even though they have long since replaced me. It would be better for me to move on but with legal bills mounting from my divorce, the potential possibility of me being “homeless” (technically speaking as I do have family), the torment my poor children are going through seeing their mom struggling day to day to keep her act together in case I get an interview, and the fear of just not knowing where I am going to end up. My husband knows I have a offer on the west coast but won’t let me leave the east. He wants me to get a temp job in a warehouse and leave my baby in daycare all day instead of me spending all of my efforts in trying to get a professional position. I can’t even make enough money to pay for daycare and it will severely limit my time for my job search and networking. Yes, I will get support from him, however, I can’t and won’t live off of my c/s. Besides, these days I would be hard pressed to live solely on that alone even if I could.
I can’t say I haven’t thought about it…..it lingers in the back of my mind (you know, the wrist/throat thing) but I know I have 3 people counting on me to survive and provide for them and I can’t do that to them. I am a smart, loyal, hard working person who has so much to offer an employer. I know I have to hang in there and eventually I will get a break. I wish everyone luck and perseverance. This, too, shall pass.
January 30th, 2008 at 11:00 am
I graduated with an MBA in July of 2007. I have 7 years work experience. I have been searching for job since May 2007. I have had 2/two interviews. This makes me sick. I am angry. Frustrated. Depressed. Angry. For about 4 months straight, I was regularly spending 5-8 hours a day searching. I would wake up at 8 am and get to work. I have networked, worked with recruites, asked friends and family for help, joined groups, hunted online, called people for info interviews, and essentailly tried everything I coudl think of. Lately, I have given up on that type of search. I find myself getting up later and later, and thinking that submitting my resume is a total waste of time. I am 30 years old and becusae of my unemployement am staying at my parents. My family is clinically dysfunctional (ongoing divorce, alcoholism, etc) and it hurts just to be here, not to mention to be here in this situation. I have little choice. I live in the Chicago area and there is no way I could take a part time or waitressing job and move out. I have a part time job in retail, which some days gives me relief and other days makes me think that its so bad that with 2 degrees, this is all i can get. I feel totally f$%6ed. So angry today. And other days, helpless hopeless and despairing. And sometimes I feel ok. I can’t say I totally believe that I am going to find something, that something being a good ( not even great, I woudl settle for good) opportunity. HELP!!!?!!!?!?!!?!
January 30th, 2008 at 11:55 am
Lori/amrb,
I know it’s hard, and I can’t say I’ve been where you’re both at, but I have been outside looking in on more than one occasion, and it’s not fun. However, you need to be strong, and if possible get help from someone like a relative, friend, or spiritual avenue. Not just financial, but mental support. Someone to tell you its not you, it’s the current state of society. Also, that you’re important, and people are relying on you to be there [kids/family/friends].
I implore both of you to seek out some help and get the support you need. Don’t do anything rash. It’s not your fault that this happens, and there are people there to help…
January 31st, 2008 at 12:37 pm
Hey thanks for that support Tom. I definitely need to hear that its not my fault, and I’m importnat nonetheless. More importantly, I need to strongly believe that! I have been trying hard to develop a spiritual sense of things, and most importantly a strong sense of self compassion. But no man is an island and I hope that I will find the help I need from others during this time. This webiste is a good start for that. Thanks again.
January 31st, 2008 at 12:47 pm
amrb,
No problem. We all need that shoulder [virtual or otherwise] to lean on from time to time. Life can be overwhelming at times, and challenging enough when you’re working, let alone trying to keep things moving along at home, and find a job.
Hang in there!!!
Best
January 31st, 2008 at 2:35 pm
Thanks, Tom. I am seeking help with my doctor as I know this isn’t normal. It is very frustrating as I see so many talented people like myself who have so much to offer yet there isn’t anyplace to go.
Spiritually it has certainly changed me. I see things very different than I did before and I am a much more compassionate person too. Also, it is amazing to see who your friends really are. Most people, if they can’t help you, will at least stay in contact with you and if anything, forward a joke via email. Others on the other hand, avoid you like the plague.
I will forever be an advocate for others (as I have in the past, even for strangers). If I have learned anything about this experience, it will be pay it forward to help others in this dilemma.
January 31st, 2008 at 2:43 pm
Lori, that’s great. I did the same thing. I found out that it was a combination of me concerned about an impending layoff, as well as a Thyroid issue that can cause depression. Plus, it was nice talking to someone outside of my circle who understood, and was actually listening. I am still worried about job loss [having gone through this no more than 2 years ago], but by having my physical and mental issues addressed have significantly reduced my anxiety. It’s now tolerable, and allows me to think.
It’s the first step, of many, but that’s all you can do. Hang in there, and I feel the same as you. If I can help just one person, great. The more the better…It doesn’t take much to say it’s okay, and be there for someone.
January 31st, 2008 at 6:05 pm
Its a step, if just a small one. But a step nonetheless. And since my previous post, I have a pre-screen with a recruiter for a job near my home (which means a lot when you live in the ATL where the jobs are few and the traffic blows). Nothing dramatic but I was barely getting phone interviews.
The only advice I can give to anyone in this mess right now is keep it all in perspective and KNOW you are not alone. Pick yourself up off the floor (if need be) and look hard at yourself, assess all of your skills and build a zillion resumes that flaunt each and every talent you can muster. Think outside the box and at every angle. Talk to industry people who will build you up (and gently critique you too - ’cause if you are reading this, you don’t need to be pushed off the ledge, kwim?). Luckily, I have a mentor in my industry that checks on me almost daily and at the end of our conversations, I almost think I can walk on water.
One of my detriments is my pride. I have a hard time asking for help. But this is a situation where you have to park your pride at the door. Its a learning thing and I am trying. I have been fortunate in the past to have always obtained employment through word of mouth. And now the well is dry and I am all alone beating the bushes. But I refuse to give up. This will, in the end, make me a stronger person and I will never again take my job, when I get one, for granted (nor will I leave my contacts and network of industry pals gathering dust either).
January 31st, 2008 at 6:37 pm
I have had 2 interviews since November after sending out a lot of resumes. I’ve had phone interviews lately as I think employers are getting so many resumes it is easier for them to screen with a phone interview. In fact, I had one interviewer tell me he was bombarded with resumes but only found 4 people he felt met the qualifications for the job. He wants me to call him on Friday. I really think it is an “employers market” and employers are being very particular. I will be going to a networking function so hopefully something will help me improve my situation. I have my good days and my bad days.
February 1st, 2008 at 10:01 am
Depression during any time of your life is definately something very hard to deal with. When one is depressed it is hard to see the world in a \”Golden Light.\” Depression is not something that you can just snap out of, it has to be worked out. You have to take charge of your depression one step at a time.
There are so many types of depression and when you are depressed due to a loss, whether it be a job loss, a family loss, or any myriad of other losses. Depression Hurts! When someone loses a job and becomes depressed we call this a Post Traumatic - Symptematic Depression. Trauma of any type takes healing and healing takes time!
Understanding your depression is the first step in healing, getting support is the second and then the steps continue…..baby steps mind you!
Becoming depressed after losing your job is like a black curtain falling down on you and the curtain can be mighty heavy. Lifting that curtain is not an easy task, but it most certainly can be done. If one seperates themselves from society and their peers at this point in time, it will be even harder to get past this point.
You must remember you are not alone in fact none of us are and it is important that the depression does not turn into severe \”pessimistic\” depression, where your self-esteem gets very low and you start feeling worthless. It is normal to be depressed after a loss of any kind, and it is vital that you do not start to blame or get angry at yourself. Grieve - Heal.
Work with a support group or a therapist who specializes in career psychology. Remember you are in charge - do not let depression or anxiety take the lead. It is important to note I am not saying ignore the depression, I am saying take control of it and to take control of it you have to have help and support.
Millions of people are in the same boat and all handle it differently, but no matter what you must recognize this is a real problem, work through the issue and don\’t get down on yourself. You are a unique individual and have so much to offer that no one else does.
Note:( if your depression lasts for long periods of time and your sense of sadness, anger etc., continue it is really important to seek professional help. Many times depression is genetic or can be caused from a chemical imbalance that is brought on my trauma.)
I do a lot of counseling with people just like you and I want you to know that YOU ARE A VALUABLE PERSON WHO HAS A LOT TO CONTRIBUTE - DON\’T GIVE UP EVER!
February 4th, 2008 at 8:57 am
Louri,
Great advice! I felt the same way. I saw my Dr., and it was a combination of a thyroid condition and anxiety. I was put on some medication, and my depression was gone. I still worry, but not to the level of suicide.
The two most important things you said were:
1. It’s not you! You are valuable, and always remember that!
2. GET HELP IF YOU NEED IT! Don’t wait until it’s too late.
Sound advice…
February 9th, 2008 at 9:45 am
I think the worst part about being unemployed is the feeling that you are all alone. I just went to a networking group and found that everyone at my table had advanced degrees and they were still looking for employment. Many of them had been out of work for a long time. I just had 4 interviews last week, however, I don’t think any of them were the “right fit” for me. But, the important thing is to get out and get used to interviewing. I ask a lot of questions and this helps me weed out those positions I don’t feel are a good match for me. If somebody asks me a dumb question I know I don’t want to work there. I remember one interviewer asked me to “sell him a pen” I was not applying for a job selling pens. I also try to be very observant during the interview process. If the interviewer will not give me a tour of the place, I think something is wrong. Networking at least gets you out of the house and you can find out about companies to apply to and those companies to stay away from. Again, the most important thing is not to give up.
February 11th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
I’m so glad I found this site. I’ve was laid of in Aug 2007 after 19 years at the same company. I thought I was a valued employee and would be working there for another 15 years till I retired. The company gave me a letter of reference and everyone was so encouraging says that with my skills and personality I was sure to get a new job in no time. I to went to “transition” sessions to prepare a resume, practice interview skills and get a chance to network. It’s now been 6 months, I’ve applied for or sent resumes to 30 different companies and had only 3 interviews, with nothing successful. As many of you have mentioned, I depressed at being a home each day on the internet looking for a job. I loved my old job and getting to be with people every day. Now I wake up in the morning and wondering what I’ll do till I go to sleep. I’m a single Mom with two teenage kids and I keep a postive attitude so they can not be worried and stay focused on ther studies. I feel betrayed, lonely, sad, fat ( when you sit home waiting for the phone to ring, food is a good companion) and wonder will I every get another job that makes me feel worthwhile. I won’t give up! I just feel really low today and wanted to express my feelings. I cry at the smallest things and I’m not sure what to do with myself to remain sane. Thanks for listening.
February 11th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
To Kathy,
I can relate to what you are saying. Like you I am a single mom. I have also sent out a lot of resumes and only had a few interviews. I have gone to a network group too. I had 3 interviews last week but after talking to the people, I don’t think any of the jobs were the right “match” for me. I have one more interview tomorrow. Have you thought about temp work? At least it would get you out of the house. I may have to do it soon as my finances are running out. It’s tough now since a lot of people are unemployed. I do think you have to remain positive and keep going. I try to get out every day. I am thinking about volunteer work too, but it doesn’t pay the bills. I wish you all the best. You are not alone, believe me…
February 21st, 2008 at 9:06 pm
Wow.
I read the initial post and most of the follow-ups. It is strangely comforting to hear from people who are, like me, depressed due to job loss. Being unemployed was and, sadly, is again more emotionally difficult for me than dealing with deaths and even suicides of family members, substance addiction and arrest of family members, physical handicaps, and financial pressure. When I was a kid, I was a stellar student who was raised to believe in personal responsibility and to exemplify a strong work ethic. I began my first (illegal, under-the-table) job at the age of 13. By the age of 17, I found myself in a management position. It was a dead-end job, though, and I had ambitions that could not be met there. Instead, I eventually found office work and became the first person in my family to go to college. Money was a problem. I won’t say I’m not bitter about the way the college financial aid game is run. I’m very bitter about that. I ended up working my way through college with minimal help from my family. I graduated Phi Beta Kappa - four months after passing out *at work* due to the fact that I hadn’t eaten in days or gone to the doctor for an illness because I could not afford to take proper care of myself and also pay for my final semester of college. I ended up having to beg my parents for about $1000 and they, in turn, had to borrow from my grandmother to come up with that last thousand. But it was done and done for the best. I am a hard worker. I am a strong, determined person. I have been proven literally willing to starve and beg to reach my goals. I wouldn’t rule out stealing, either, even though it’s never come to that. So when Jason mentions having a high locus of control, I am on board. I believe in the pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps mentality.
My first experience with joblessness came during the post-college job search. It took me four months to find a job. I experienced many of the same emotions that everyone here describes. I thought that getting an education and excelling in that pursuit was supposed to be the magic bullet. During that time, my husband and I happened to pass the building that housed the job that I had given up to go to college. I burst into tears. It was the first time my husband had ever seen me cry. I had known him for seven years. When he asked why I was crying, I told him that I was afraid that I’d have to go back to that job. I was afraid that everything for which I had worked for four years would be rendered meaningless. I was also angry with myself and with the world. 1% of all college graduates make it into Phi Beta Kappa. 1%. I wasn’t just a graduate; I was in that 1%. I had led most of the community service organizations on my campus. I had worked my way through. I had done everything right. I thought that should have counted for something, but instead, half of my prospective employers told me I was “overqualified.”
Those feelings were immediately resolved when I found a job with a startup software company. For two years, I was a rising star. As a tech writer, I got good reviews, some special treatment, made friends with coworkers, etc. etc. The company had financial troubles. Sometimes checks were delayed. Bonuses and raises were practically non-existent. That was bad new, I knew, but I felt loyal to the only company that had given me a chance. I was too loyal to leave, even when I knew I should. My husband and I moved across the country, and still, I kept that job. I worked from home. The workload began to be oppressive and uncontrollable. To make matters worse, my internet connection became unreliable. I literally worked from the minute I woke up to the moment that my head hit the pillow. Family and social relationships suffered. Chores suffered. Everything suffered. I brought my concerns up with my boss, but he said only a part-term intern was in the relief budget. I should have quit while I was ahead. Instead, when the VP of my department, who was a huge supporter of mine, left, his replacement issued a no-working-from-home policy and I was let go. It was devastating.
With the support of my husband, I came up with a plan of action. I decided to view my transition as a positive change. I hadn’t wanted to stay in that career forever. This would encourage me to seek my real passion, instead. I could change fields. I could focus on my writing. It would all work out for the best. Although I struggled with many of the feelings that everyone here describes, I did manage to find a part-time job as an assistant to a Hollywood talent agent. My foot was in the door! It was a three day a week position that paid less than half of my previous salary, but that was okay. On the off days, I worked on writing a novel. I was chasing my dreams. I still struggled with the fact that I had been let go and that I was starting from square one and largely relying on my husband’s salary, but things were looking up. I was at least moving toward what I’d always set out to do. I had done better than the stereotypical waiter/writer, at least, and managed to nab an entry-level position in the industry. I was not 100% happy with the situation, but I was hopeful.
Of course, Hollywood is a difficult place even under the best of circumstances. The best, these were not. I am color blind. More significantly, I was born three months early. I kid you not. My prognosis was very bleak. I was not supposed to live or walk or function normally in society. It was something of a miracle, but I not only lived, but walked (albeit with a strange gait) and excelled in many areas of life. I don’t know much about my medical history from that time. I do remember attending physical and occupational therapy. I do remember the first time I realized I had a large scar from a heart surgery. I do remember struggling in gym class and in organized sports. What I didn’t remember or realize until I was faced with this assistant job was that I had come up with a variety of coping mechanisms that hid my diminished motor abilities, memory, and color-blindness even from myself. I had developed highly organized, inflexible routines and work schedules. I used the computer to complete tasks that many would have performed by hand. I never color coded anything. I never learned to drive; instead, I relied on public transportation. My new employer required me to take immediate direction rather than to adhere to routines. I had no idea how hard I would struggle with this job.
In addition to the aforementioned incompatibilities, my employer also seemed to expect me to be always on call. For example, when my grandmother died, the funeral arrangements were made around my work schedule only after I consulted with my boss to find out when my absence would be best for her. The evening that I was to depart, she asked me to contact a client. I did so, but the client was not home. I had to leave a message. When I reported back, she asked whether I had given the client my contact information so that he could call me back. She was displeased to find out that I had given the client her contact information, instead, as I would be writing and delivering a eulogy and burying my grandmother, and therefore unable to answer my phone. This did not go over well, but I held my ground. I do not think people are entitled to much; I do think we are entitled to bury our loved ones in peace.
After my return from the funeral, the situation at work continued to atrophy. My boss color coded some things. She required handwriting (reading and writing) on *a lot* of things. Her filing system was very different from those that I had encountered in previous assistant jobs. Basically, for reasons that really were beyond my control, my performance was not up-to-par. I was a fish out of water. I should have quit, but I was too afraid of the jobless rut to do so. Furthermore, I had promised a certain term of commitment and I did not want to break my word to my employer. Before that term of commitment was completed, I was fired. Again, I was devastated.
I was a failure. Yet again, I tried to regroup. I tried job searching. I tried focusing on my creative writing. This time, though, nothing happened when I lifted the proverbial bootstraps in which I had always had such faith. They didn’t budge. Humiliated and ashamed, I stopped calling my relatives and friends back east. When they called, I let the phone go to voice mail. I didn’t want them to know. I didn’t want to tell them that I had been fired. I did not tell my best friend and roommate, either. Although word was eventually spread to those quarters, it was not a topic that was open for discussion. Any such discussion only served to end in bitter self-recrimination and tears, anyway. I confided only in my husband. To meet my social needs, I relied on internet writing and discussion forums. In short, I withdrew from the world.
Shortly thereafter, the writer’s strike shut down Hollywood.
I now find myself languishing. I had mixed feelings about the strike. On one hand, I agreed that DVD and New Media rights were of immense importance. On the other, I felt for the below-the-line staff and for fresh fish, like myself, who had not been able to get a foothold yet and faced a market in which the strike flooded temp and subsistence level jobs. I wasn’t sure whether DVD and New Media rights were of such *immediate* importance that so many should be made to suffer for the good of so few. Secretly, though, I was grateful. The strike gave me an excuse to languish. My industry was shut down! It wasn’t my fault that I couldn’t find work. That didn’t stop me from feeling like a miserable, worthless, twice-fired failure. It did, however, make it easier for me to justify staying home and working on my novel.
I understand the “throat or wrists” mentality. That is something that I will never do. My grandfather resorted to suicide. So did his first wife. Because I have seen the impact that it had on the rest of the family, I simply could never do that to them again. Never. But I see why someone would feel that way. You can only beat so many odds before they beat you down. You can only try so hard and face so much rejection before the thought of putting yourself back out there to be clobbered again becomes too much to bear. My solution isn’t so much a solution. I sit at my computer and I let time pass. I sleep a lot because dreaming is better than wakefulness. Often, I don’t bathe and dress myself until mid-day. I, a woman who used to juggle work, school, extra-curriculars out the wazoo, family, friends, and a long-distance relationship on an empty stomach and an empty bank account can no longer seem to meet beta reading obligations to the internet friends to which I turned as a coping mechanism not too long ago. I, who used to devour books like some people devour candy, can’t even seem to concentrate enough to get through a paperback novel. I just sit here. I just let time pass. I just languish. I, who was in the past most often described by friends and family as “like a rock” cry almost daily and with little or no provocation. This is no way to get my life back on track. This is no way to win back my self-respect so that I can look myself in the mirror again. This is no way to be a good wife to my husband. This is no way to achieve any of my goals, I know that, and yet I have no idea how to fix it.
So yeah… Jason, Dave, Kathy, and everyone else… you are not alone. Thank you for showing me that I am not alone, either. I wish us all the best of luck. It’s a shame life doesn’t have an “undo” button. Knowing what I know now, I would like to undo all the way back to that management job that I held in high school. At least with that job, I would have had a steady salary, a steady work schedule, and steady health insurance. I could have continued on up the ranks. I left that job so that I wouldn’t get “stuck.” Now, though, I find myself stuck in something worse.
February 25th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
[...] I don’t mean to beat a dead horse about getting voted off the island where I worked, but experiences like that stay with you for a very long time. And I’m not alone (check out the amazing comments on my Depression Clouds Everything post). [...]
February 26th, 2008 at 9:42 am
Thank you for publishing this blog. Why is it that just knowing you are not alone in your struggles inspiring?
I struggled with unemployment twice over the last 2 years on top of being a single mom. I lost EVERYTHING dear to me - home, cars, friends, family, and the worst - my children…all because the crushing depression of losing a 14 year career.
Now, I have my children back, a comfortable home, a car, the unconditional support of my family, and a few TRUE friends. I’m very humble and incredibally greatful and try to take nothing for granted anymore.
I am now 3 months in a wonderful job. I found a position with a company 10 miles from my home and am able to utilize my years of experience while learning a new product line and the ins and outs of implemention.
I find myself still struggling with self doubt, paranoia, and even panic at times. After my first project kick off meeting, my boss recommended I ’speak up’, act more confident, quit saying “ummm”…..ME, the person who they used to speak in front of hundreds of people, and the person who people who’d say “When Carmell speaks, everyone listens…”
Well, just wanted to thank you again for the posting and the additional comments. Once again, I’ve found inspiration in the human spirit!
February 27th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
It almost seems as if I’ve found this blog just in time to save my life. I lost my “dream job” one year ago when I became a casualty, along with my director, of nasty politicking between warring board members who are now so messed up that they’re actually suing each other! I had only had the job for 5 months, had worked 60-hour weeks, highly visible in the community; and would have stayed, taking their sh** FOREVER, because I loved the work and desperately needed that job to support my family. We’ve now gone through a huge chunk of our retirement fund just to keep our house, and as each day goes by without finding employment, I sink further into a deep depression that feels like fear and I walk around shaking in terror. I used to be all about self-confidence and unflappability. Now, like Carmell, my belief in myself is destroyed.
I keep wondering…what happens when your next job requires a credit check and your credit is in the toilet due to being unemployed for a year? We don’t have any true “black marks” like a bankruptcy or anything, but lots of slow-pay situations. My family (husband and grown children, one in college) are loving and supportive, but I know they are worried about me, and they should be…I’m in a dark place filled with self-doubt and self-hatred, of course feeling that there MUST have been something I could have done, or can do, to fix this. Everyday I just feel more hopeless. Unless I find adequate employment, we will lose our house, and everything else. This is reality, as where I live, no one is buying houses. I know, we tried to sell ours. We priced it at the bottom of all the comparables and no one even came to look at it.
My heart goes out to everyone here in the same boat…and I realize many people here have it much worse than I. I would add: God bless all of you, and may we somehow remember that we are good people who do not deserve living in this hell.
February 28th, 2008 at 8:33 am
To any/all of the posters here who may check back in:
Will you share an update of your situation? Did you find employment?
I wonder about so many of you, and hope for good news from you!
February 28th, 2008 at 9:19 am
Update: I did get a job offer but pay is much lower than I was making at my last job. I may have to take it as after sending out a ton of resumes, networking and interviewing, this was the only offer I’ve received since November. I have to move as apt rent is going up. My car needs a new radiator. When it rains, it pours so they say. This is the worst job market I have seen. I do have another interview on Monday so we’ll see what happens. I find employers are interviewing longer as there are more applicants. I just hope the economy improves as it is so depressing right now. I worry that if I do take a job, the industry I choose might have layoffs so you never know what will happen. Thank you Gina, for your concern!
February 28th, 2008 at 11:27 am
Thank you for this blog. I am going on 6 months of being unemployed and it has made me feel completely useless. I am 24 and totally overhwlemed. I wake up every day with that sense of dread. I guess I just feel drained. Every interview I have had so far I thought was in the bag and time and time again I am passed over. No matter how positive I try to be it’s really doing a number on me. I worked the same job for 6 years and left for a higher paying one. I was forced to leave that position due to a boss who swore at employees and refused to train or do anything but nap in his office (I’m not kidding about that) of course his brother owned the company and no one but me would say anything. When I finally went to HR it got back to him and he made sure my life was a living hell. Even after I quit he tried to refuse giving me my last check saying there was no record on the time sheets that I had been there and that “I should have thought about that before I reported him” I did get my check finally after threatening a law suit. I was so relieved to get out of there that I never even considered how bad my situation was about to become. I guess I just needed to vent to people that understand what I’m going through. I’m a hard worker and I graduated top of my class in college, it seems like all the effort I put in is getting me nowhere.
February 28th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
Elaine,
Thanks for the update. It’s interesting how we lower our standards for everything, including pay, when we get this desperate. This job market is scary–I feel so bad for my children, just starting out with such high hopes for exciting careers. I really wonder what they will end up doing. I’m struggling with coming across to potential employers - if I’m lucky enough to get in front of any! - in a positive way considering how depressed I am. And it’s not just the depression, even more it’s the fear.
Good luck on Monday!
February 28th, 2008 at 9:38 pm
Update: Two weeks after my post I was offered a job through a recruiter making a little less then what I use to make. I turned it down not because of the money but I didn’t want a hour commute everyday. Also, I wouldn’t get to do what I enjoy. That same week I got a call from two different recruiter about a position with a company I knew was bad news. I also turned that down.
Last week I was interview by a recruiter for a position I was actually interested in. Three days later she called about a job I wasn’t even qualified for. Will I get a call back about the job I actually interview for? Probably not, since its now been a week. Yes, I did call yesterday but she gave me some brush off excuse. Oh well, such is life.
February 29th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
To Sarah,
I just wanted to let you know that I can sympathize with you. My daughter graduated college and she found a job but it took her about 4 months. I have been out of work since November and I know it’s tough. I told my daughter to write a thank you note after her interview. I also told her to call and express her interest. I don’t know if it helped but she did get the job. Also, after your interviews think about the questions they ask. My daughter was really depressed before she found something. Believe me, all of us go through this. Check some websites that have interview tips on them. I think if you have any job networking groups it would help to participate. You may not get a job but at least you are getting out and sharing ideas. If anything, it will help you realize that you are not alone. There are some good books on interviewing and the job search at the library. One book I recommended to my daughter is “The Turbulent twenties survival guide” by Marcos R. Salazar,. It might be in the library. I wish you all the best.
February 29th, 2008 at 5:06 pm
To Mori,
My thoughts and prayers are with you. You are doing what I should have done when I took my last job (the one I lost due to the warring board of directors)…homework! If I’d done my due diligence and researched them better, I would have found out that they went through 4 people in my position and 5 people in the Director’s position in 5 years. They have a long bad history. I just went in with blinders on, so happy to be in what I thought was the perfect position with the perfect organization. Rule One (points to self): forget trying for “perfect” and go for “stable” and “longevity”.
Best wishes in your search.
March 3rd, 2008 at 7:59 am
Update:
I am playing the waiting game with a city government position (which takes forever) and have had some interviews but no offers yet. I have spoke to the guy a couple of times and I know they haven’t made a decision yet (it took 9 months to get the interview but jeesh!).
After all the bad media about the economy, suddenly all the job leads started to really dry up. I am in the middle of a horrible divorce also and needless to say, this hasn’t made it any easier. I have a great offer on the west coast but can’t accept it due to child custody issues. I try to keep it all in perspective and realize that I can’t take this personally. With the economy being like it is, and it being an election year (which almost always is turmoil), its going to be a roller coaster ride on the job front. Worse case scenario, I move back in with my mom and possibly go back to school (for what I don’t know yet). With my engineering background and years of experience, it is hard for me to believe that is has come down to this.
I have to also mention, I sought help and am now on meds (which isn’t for everyone). I am much more stable and don’t feel so down, however, I don’t have that extra “drive” to really push the envelope on pursuing job leads (for ex. - cold calling, or cold leads). It is helping me with the personal stuff I am experiencing but I plan on weaning off of it in a couple of months to get my motivation back. On the other hand, I am not so emotional so I can think more clearly, so……I think it is the right thing to do if you are feeling as bad as I was. And we are not alone in this predicament.
Good luck to everyone!!
March 3rd, 2008 at 10:13 am
Lori,
Thanks for sharing about taking medication. I’m not taking any (yet), but I’ve thought about it. As a previous government employee, I can relate to experiencing the frustrating waiting game you spoke of. Government job hunting is taxing, especially considering the amount of paperwork that has to be submitted (those KSAs just kill me).
I’m still muddling through the job search but am now concentrating equally on staying healthy–exercising, eating well, learning something new via library books and CDs (can’t afford to take classes right now). At least my cat is a lot happier because I spend more time with him now than I ever have. He sits with me while I check job web sites and print out resumes and basically listens to me curse on a daily basis. My husband has been a gem during this search period and I’ve run into a lot of understanding (there seems to be more empathy and patience for the unemployed now that the economy headlines the news–perhaps everyone is starting to realize that it could happen to them). So there are some positives, although don’t misunderstand me–I’m not a Pollyanna, far from it. Some days I’m deep into despair wondering if I’ll ever work again and other days I think of course I will, its just not happening right now. It is a roller coaster ride, you are right Lori. But I am so glad that I know that I’m not alone!
March 11th, 2008 at 11:52 am
It is nice to know that I am not alone. I was laid off the last week of Dec of 2007. I had taken 6 weeks off to have my daughter. I came back and they put me on part time. Then the day after Christmas I came back and they laid me off. My former boss was “We really like you we want you to come back in 6 to 9 months.” That’s right wait around for you. Put my life on hold. I have 2 Bachelors degrees. I got a teaching degree but unfortunately the shortage that we were told would occur hasn’t except in the Math, Science and Special Ed fields. I’ve had 2 interviews so far. One where they wanted to offer me 9 dollars and hour because it was a doctor’s office and I’d never worked in a doctor’s office before. I had the experience and was highly qualified for the job. The second I had my second interview last Tuesday and I haven’t heard from them. They told me they were impressed with my resume. But, it isn’t looking like that is going to pan out. I continually am depressed, short tempered and just mad. Which makes this first year with my daughter not what I was looking forward to after working so hard to get her here. It is just really nice to know that we are not alone.
March 11th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
Heather,
That looks like a lawsuit to me!
March 12th, 2008 at 3:59 am
Update:
Ironic is where I think I will start. Last Dec I turned a job due to commute and not money. I found out this week that the company had just been bought and more then likely will be shut down. I have to laugh if I had accepted, I would be looking for a job again after only 2 months. I had an interview on Monday for a job I actually like, so much so that I forgot to ask how much it pays. I was home before I remembered and had to call to find out. The job pays a lot less then what I’m use too but I’m basically starting from the bottom in a field I have very little experience in. Which in it self is funny because it is in this field that I have my degree in. Most of my experience is mostly with my minor which I have because I had to have one. I’ve also had several calls in the last week for positions more in line to what I use to doing and better pay. I guess I’ll just wait and see.
To Heather,
I know its hard but I’ve been looking for a job for over a year now. I’ve been to interviews where I have been interested in the job but their not interested in me. Then there are the ones that are interested in me and I’m not interested in them. Some mornings I just don’t want to get out of bed. Someone said its a roller coaster ride, and it is.
March 12th, 2008 at 7:00 am
I’m wondering if the job availability situation is as bad everywhere else as it is here in FL. Over and over, I submit resumes/applications (often online as that is the only way they’ll take them), and then NEVER HEAR ANYTHING. I’ve had this happen at least 20 times. I’ve tried calling to follow up, and am screened out by the receptionist, or leave a voicemail for the HR person, and they never call back. Email them and they never reply. I read in the paper that our region lost 5,500 jobs last year, and that didn’t include the now unemployed 1,500 or so realtors, since no one is buying houses anymore. So I guess employers are getting so many resumes that they don’t have time to respond.
Mori, I’m right there with you–hate waking up to face another day of this, hate getting out of bed. And you know what really scares me? Living 24/7 with the rush of fear and accompanying adrenaline high…recipe for health problems. I feel like my life is getting shorter every day.
The one bright spot in all of this–coming to this site and knowing I have comrades!
March 12th, 2008 at 7:08 am
Update: I am still looking for a job. It’s been 4 months now. I’ve gone back for a second interview with a company and I thought the person interviewing me would offer me a job, but no she didn’t. I’ve had phone interviews and not heard back. I just think there are so many people out of work that employers can pick exactly who they choose. I think the interview process is taking longer now. It definitely is a roller coaster and I just wish the economy would get better. I do look around the office when I interview. How do the workers look? How is the office set up? It is important to ask a lot of questions. I am very overqualified for most of the jobs I’ve interviewed for. At this point in time, I probably would take something I felt I was overqualified for and just stay until the economy gets better. I am looking for jobs closer to where I live due to gas prices and like Mori I don’t want a long commute.. Best wishes to everyone…
March 12th, 2008 at 9:48 am
To Gina:
I’ve had the same thing happen. I send out an online resume and like you I never hear back. Also just had a phone interview and HR guy told me I would get another call back, he even told me the name of the person who would be calling me and I never got a call back. It is bad here in Arizona where I live. And jobs are very low paying. I really think it is bad all over the country. I have gone to networking groups (they say this is the best way to get a job) and there are over 100 people there, many who have Masters Degrees and who are still looking. I talked to one woman who has been looking for a job for over a year. Most of the jobs I see online are for low paying entry level positions and employers won’t even consider me for them as I am very overqualified. Like you, I am happy to have this website to vent. Yes, there are a lot of us out there.
March 12th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
To Elaine,
It is a relief to learn I’m not the only one with so few responses. While the logical part of my brain realizes that, of course, it isn’t me–the emotional part is scared it is. I know I should try networking groups, but I fear that it will be a whole roomful of “me’s” - people desperate for a job - and I don’t think I can take one more depressing situation like that!
I’ve been looking for over a year, and am not only looking at entry level jobs again (impossible to believe!), but also am trying to avoid a long commute. I need to have some money left over after I buy gas!
Thanks to my loving family, I’m not actually suicidal (although I toy with the idea, I won’t go there), and thanks to my body’s not tolerating substances very well, I’m not an addict - but, SOMETHING’S got to give. Bless you for responding to me. Every little bit of encouragement helps. I wish you all the very best in your search.
P.S. And thanks again, Jason Alba, for this little corner of the net where we jobseekers can find each other.
March 12th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
I don’t get any responses either, which I think is just plain rude. Once upon a time when I was in my early 20s I worked for human resources in a federal government agency and we always responded to applicants (yes it was a form letter, but at least it was some kind of contact). It’s hard not to take it personally! Sometimes the little hurt kid in me wants to send them an e-mail telling them how lousy I think they are, but of course I never would because that isn’t the mature professional way to handle it (but the last thing I feel is mature or professional).
March 12th, 2008 at 7:15 pm
I want to thank all those who have commented on this post. I have felt a real sense of kinship with you all, and know we all share some sense of the same disgust, depression, and aprehension.
I have been looking for work now for over a year, but in the process I have also been refining and defining what I am interested in doing. That focus is much clearer today, and my sense of where I am being led to look, both in employment and where to live, is also becoming clearer. I have sent out a number of resumes and inquiries and have received some responses, but only one of them positive. While I have also still been employed during this search, my future in my present position is now looking like it may be eliminated.
All of this has helped to light a fire in me, but sometimes I think the only reason for the fire is to ward off greater depression. I keep believing in myself, in what skills and gifts I bring to the table, and my faith in God to lead me in the right direction. I wish I could say all of that helps to alleviate the stress and worry, but that would not be truthful. I believe, even in a sownturning economy, that the right position is available to whomever wants it. You just need to be willing to do what it takes to make it happen.
This may sound too optimistic, but I only feel it is the way to be - stay positive, at least to the best of my ability, and pray that the right position comes before its too late. I know it will, but it would be nice if it happened sooner than later.
March 12th, 2008 at 9:32 pm
To Jordan,
You know, to be honest, the lack of responses really bothers me, too. I go to a lot of trouble to craft the perfect cover letter, tailor my resume to the position (keeping it honest, of course, just making it as user-friendly for them as possible), and then….WAIT….and almost always receive no response at all. Not even an auto-reply to let me know it all made it over and didn’t ping off into cyberspace or something. Sometimes I’ve felt like I’m in the Twilight Zone! I send everything out, and then it’s like it just falls into a black hole, and it’s like I don’t even exist.
I try to tell myself that if they’re that unresponsive, they’re probably not that good to work for anyway…but it doesn’t help much when the bottom line is: I am unemployed and I just need a job!
March 12th, 2008 at 10:18 pm
Let me say, I’m amazed at the depth of this discussion. I remember writing this post, which was pretty emotional, and thinking that no one was going to comment. Little did I know that this would somehow, someway, provide strength and support to so many people.
I am honored to watch this happen. So many of you have opened up and shared your trials, and my heart bleeds for you. I honestly feel your pain.
What’s more, I am seeing so much encouragement and camaraderie between you. I am encouraged by your spirits to help one another, without even knowing one another.
I’ll leave it at this: THANK YOU. Watching this happen is truly one of the highlights of my blogging experience.
March 13th, 2008 at 6:46 am
Like Gina said, Thank YOU, Jason for starting this discussion. Most people haven’t been through truly hard times in most of our life times. There have been a few hiccups here and there (telecom downturn, dot com nosedive, & 9/11 fallout) and if any of you experienced these, they probably didn’t feel like hiccups to you and I apologize for the analogy. But for the masses, the employment scene was just mushy. I see something totally different right now and it scares me. I am competing against senior level people with advanced degrees and they are getting overlooked because they are over qualified. These people are dumbing down their resumes trying to get anything they can to pay their bills.
You know its bad when I start scanning the obituaries looking for a job!! But seriously, the last interview I had the guy told me there were over 60 applicants and 55 of them were advanced IT people looking outside their professions (I’m in engineering). I have had a few interviews but no offers and I am concerned because the leads have really dried up the last month with all the media attention on the economy.
Just hang in there and make it your job everyday to keep looking for employment. And keep reminding yourself not to take it personal. I figure the more interviewing I have to do, the better it makes me at it!!
Good luck to everyone.
March 13th, 2008 at 7:04 am
A big THANK YOU to jason for writing this blog. I look a it all the time. Looking for a job is very lonely. It helps me to see that I am not alone and others are in the same situation. Looking for a job is a job in itself. I look on all the job websites and if I see anything at all I am remotely interested in I send my resume. However, I have had better luck with posting my resume and having the employer contact me. I am really happy there is this website and I thank Jason for the opportunity to share thoughts and a way to connect with other people. I think what makes me really angry is when you are called back for a second interview and then you don’t hear anything. It would be common courtesy for the employer to at least let you know where you stand. I guess I would appreciate even a rejection email.
March 13th, 2008 at 7:11 am
To Jason:
At one point recently, I read back over your OP, and noticed that you wondered if anyone would respond. WOW–I guess you got your answer! The fact that you sat down and shared the depth of your experience with unemployment and depression has made a positive impact on all of us who have been fortunate enough to find this blog. Your decision to put it out there was a very good thing.
To Lori:
At least you’re getting interviews! I finally tracked down yesterday, via phone, one of the HR people I’d applied to. The job had been so in line with my resume that the job description read like everything I’ve done in my career. But when I got her on the phone * a miracle itself * she said they’d already filled the position. I can’t even seem to get any interviews.
Ever since the year we had 4 major hurricanes and then later Katrina, things have just been going downhill in FL. I fear it’s going to end up just one giant homeless shelter next door to a bingo hall….oh well, ya gotta laugh.
March 13th, 2008 at 8:49 am
To Elaine: I totally agree with you about the 2nd interview response. I have been in limbo on several positions and only one was kind enough to tell me I nailed the interview but they hired the other person because they lived closer to the office (gee, thanks!). It is frustrating to say the least. Just give me a reject email if you don’t have the guts to call, ya know???
To Gina: Yes, I consider myself extremely lucky for the interviews. My former colleagues keep reminding me of that so I do feel fortunate that I am receiving interest. But its the volume of people that are pounding the pavement…..I mean, wow! I just don’t see the unemployment numbers matching what is out there looking for jobs. Like me for instance. Statistically, I am not counted because I have been at home with my daughter for 2 years. So I think the number of people is WAY off on the number of unemployed.
Everybody: Don’t get discouraged. I stopped watching the news because I get hung up on the numbers, foreclosures, all the gloom and doom the media puts out there. It helps a little to know you aren’t the only person experiencing this whole thing but I found that it was robbing me of really pushing myself on creative ways to get employed (obits aside…LOL). Instead, we can reach out here when we need a little encouragement and solace that it is not us, but the freakin’ bad economy and droves of people looking for jobs. And I totally am behind those who think they are depressed to seek help, even if it is talking with friends and family. I needed meds and I am glad I did it for me, but by all means, don’t suffer. We can all get through this and hopefully be better people for it.
March 13th, 2008 at 9:33 am
To Lori: I can’t believe the employer actually told you that they hired another person because that person lived closer to the office!!!! It should be based on your ability to do the job. I mean were they worried that because of gas prices you wouldn’t show up to work??? I did hear something similar on a phone interview earlier in my job hunt. But I know people drive from all over here in Phoenix because it is so spread out. However, I am trying to find a job closer to where I live due to gas prices. Yes, I agree the news is so depressing and I try not to watch it but I am a news junkie. I really love this blog because it helps me to know there are others in the same boat. I agree there are far more people looking for work and the numbers are not reflective of what is going on with the economy.
March 13th, 2008 at 11:22 am
To Gina: don’t sell yourself short. Its normal be scared, and angry but try not to let it control your life. Which is easier said then done. Unlike most of you I have suffered from anxiety and depression since my late teens. Unlike now, it got really bad in my twenties, no I never took meds but I did see a counsellor. Actually, I’ve seen eight of them in my lifetime. I’ve learned to manage it through other outlets but it can still be really hard especially in times like these.
I’ve been unemployed for almost 15 months, so I understand I’ll take anything mentality but I would like to discourage against that.
Right now I have two offers one I know I would love but the pay is low due to my lack of experiences. The other, pay is better, plays to my strengths but it won’t give me the challenge I’ve been looking for. I need to make a decision by tomorrow, I’ll let you know what I decided.
March 13th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
Thank you for your thoughtful post on this subject. I personally had trouble with the job search, but I know many have. I am forwarding this on. Thanks again.
March 13th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
I can definitely relate. There were many times in my jobless periods where I contemplated how I would end it all…but I had a wife and kid, so I wouldn’t let myself. Like the third comment above, I just had to force myself to at least do ONE job-related thing that day. Usually if I did one thing, I would continue on to two, and so on. My last few jobs came from either recruiters that found me or network connections.
March 13th, 2008 at 7:55 pm
Mori, It really made me feel happy to learn that you have two positions you are considering…good for you!!! I really appreciate your candor regarding your personal situation. It has been very helpful. I wish you great luck with whatever you decide!
Lori: What you say is so true–about the numbers. I wish I could take meds, but I’m not able to tolerate them; probably the same bio-thing that makes it hard to tolerate alcohol, too. I’m truly the world’s cheapest date…one-half drink and I’m gone! (Handy in this economy, I guess…) So I just go along surviving, day by day.
March 14th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
Shortly after I had wrote yesterday, I talked to old friend and I told him about the recent job offers. While we were talking he told me how much he admire me. I was surprise, I knew he thought I was crazy to turn down several position over the last year. Due to long commute not money. He also knew that before I quit my last job, I had asked for a transfer, I really wanted to try something new. So it wasn’t a surprise to him when I said I was leaning toward the lower pay job because it would offer me more of a challenge and good benefit package.
I was still unsure until I got a call from another friend. She told me about a situation at work that had got her thinking that maybe it happened to move a her in a new direction. I smiled and told her about my jobs offers and which way I was leaning. I said listening to her story help me make up my mind.
So I’m taking the low paying position which will put me out of comfort zone. Because I didn’t ask God for a better paying job but a job that would be a challenge and help me grow as a scientist.
To everyone: I know its hard and discouraging but take it day by day. Have faith and when you least expect it the right job will present itself.
March 14th, 2008 at 8:32 pm
To Mori: Best wishes to you! It sounds like you are making the right choice. I think it is very important to evaluate each job offer. Sometimes it isn’t the money (although money is important) I think it is better to choose something challenging where you can grow and develop. I think you are very wise. I wish you all the best.
March 15th, 2008 at 6:59 am
To Mori:
Good for you…you’re on your way! No doubt your care with choosing will serve you well. Best of luck!
March 15th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
Hi there,
To make a long story shorter I am a single mom of a 14 year old. Age 45 was in a 20 plus
year abusive alchoholic drug induced husband. I finally left that…went thru two custody
battle what a hell. Me and my beautiful daughter got out three years ago now and
haven’t seen from him scence. I met this guy never married no kids. Well I liked him he
was so nice at first he did have a drinking problem…We moved in with him he was
fantastic to me… I guess I fell in Love… finacially doing fine making ends meet. We moved
from New England to Florida on the Ocean and I got a job front desk in a little motel and he
did matience there. We had an argument he started drinking and left to my workplace
and I folled him there to find out what was going on and come to find out he lied
to a worker and told her don’t tell her im here. I got fired I lost my job….Then I got a
job at his other main full time job…working on the weekends for cash money. I worked
hard but the view from the rooms was great so I cleaned the rooms. I worked hard for five
months. He told all the guys he worked with I was nuts… It spread around and
I lost my job. Here I am trying to survive on pnuts he trys to sabotage me why would a guy do
this? Now im stuck living with this guy…for finacial purposes… Im depressed about trying
to find a job watching my daughter strugle. and feeling like a piece of crap…Any one got
some light to shine on this…? Im so angry hurt confused need a job. So I started seeing a
therapist this week…Have my daughter in therapy too. This guys says hes sorry
he made a mistake. He just signed a two year lease for a new place our lease is up
witch I have allways paid half the rent and utilitys and food. I am strugling and know I
have to move forward im on anti dep med and anxiety med my daughter has been
put on an anti dep also. For depression of her loss…Of dad. And has also lost faith
in this guy now I don’t know what the hell he thinks theres no intamacy in the relation
ship how should I look at this…Thanks any one with encouraging words…Please I don’t
really need simpathy… trying to keep my chin up to move forward.
March 16th, 2008 at 8:03 am
WOW! It has been a while since I have read this post and it is amazing to see the community that has evolved here. A few things before I get long-winded - Barry thank you for staying positive - you are an amazing person and you have so much to offer, we both know that the Lord will open that door for you! You have devoted yourlife to him and his teachings and have demonstrated so much self-sacrifice to his word with your congregation. I know you are truly looking for the Denver area, as you know HE sometimes has a very different path for us. I will email you to revisit the resume and see what we can do…the fact of the matter is that you can\\\’t erase your dedicated life nor should you for everything you have done has been in HIS name, I am sure by now you have read the new book John 3:16 amazing stuff and it is really grounding. (if you haven\\\’t please do!)
——————————————————————————–
Part 2
As a counselor myself I wanted to share with all of you so many things - I became interested in helping others because I myself have suffered from Depression and Anxiety for many years. Not because of a job loss or any particular situation - I have been on a spiritual journey that seems like forever, we all get stuck, we all have loss, yet we all have love….unconditional love from the Divine Creator and that is the one thing that it seems so many of us - myself included- forget. He wants us to be happy, he wants us to be successful, and he wants us to be anxious for NOTHING!
We have become a society where success in the work force means status, validates our being, and we have all fallen victim to this. This fact alone is quite depressing, in my coaching practice I have a client - who wants to finally let her \\\”soul-sing\\\”, she has worked hard all of her life and for most of it has been depressed. She is not happy because she is giving all of her energies to something that does not give her self-satisfaction. This is so true for so many of my clients, friends and as I read here many of you.
Please know that job-loss is not the end of the road, yes it may be financially strapping but it does not mean we need to say \\\”I give up\\\” or \\\”I am a failure\\\”. Do not give up - You are not a failure! A door has closed and others will open - I promise! I know this because of personal experience and I know that I have not always walked through open doors. Although I have been self-employed for over 20 years so many of the same problems that are faced when you work for someone else are faced. Slow time of the year? I use to say - no one wants my services - I am a failure, and then I would isolate myself sometimes into an almost cocoon state. NOT GOOD. Just because times were slow, or the economy was down it did not mean I was a failure - Changing those words around and using positive affirmations, self-exploration and having complete faith has changed my life and my prosperity. I learned to \\\”shut-up\\\” and listen, it is amazing how much knowledge rains down on you when you are quiet.
I know this post is very different than my last one, which was very clinical. This time I want to share with all of you - that all of us have been there - I do not know of one person in this world who has not had times of depression, \\\”negative\\\” thoughts, and self-doubt. I recently completely unplugged myself from the world and went to Sedona, specifically a place called Angel Valley to not only work on things for myself but to continue my committment to my clients. I can only help them by being whole myself, I was so tired, getting burned out, and was becoming unfocused (and yes depressed) on my true passion. That would be to help others find their true passions and maybe change the world a little bit.
It is amazing what a week of no TV, internet, phones etc will do - the first day was really tough - I actually thought about driving back to Phoenix and hopping on the next flight to Boston - I was having anxieties because there was no noise! How nuts is that? Then I opened my heart and my mind, worked with some truly gifted people on how to bring myself back together (was sort of feeling like Humpty-Dumpty) so that I can continue to help others and be whole for my family.
I want everyone on here to know a few things - YOU ARE SO VALUABLE, YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO OFFER AND PLEASE DO NOT SHUT YOURSELF OUT! Remember when you were a child and everything seemed so majestic and then as an adult you watched the same awe in your childs eyes - give yourself permission to be happy, let your soul-sing, dance like you\\\’ve never danced and know that you will be OK!
Smiles and Blessings to all of you - may we all continue to be a support network for each other - by networking our resources givers gain, and we all have something to contribute to every single person!
Louri
March 16th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
Great words Lori Thanks
Just move forward thats my attitude positive thinking positive thinking thats the name of the game… Of Life
I will not give up… Its really nice to know Im not the only one whos suffered from all this depression and an
xiety… it has helped… being here.
March 16th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
Thanks Cheryle - I read your post earlier today and didn\’t really know how to respond without getting into the entire counselor mode. It seems that your situation is causing you to become depressed and it is effecting your daughter. Is there any way you can remove yourself from this situation? Men who do things like this do not change their behavior ever. It is highly disfunctional, and his low-self-esteem is going to drag you down as well. The other issue I wanted to bring up - as for the medication and your daughter - please make sure that the medication is age approriate - do you research on the side effects it may have, she is at an age where critical brain activity and growth are happening - there are so many medications out there and not all Dr.\’s who prescribe them take this into consideration. I work very closely with Dr. Patil - a top psychiatrist and he is very leary about putting child - especially in this age bracket on medication. Make sure her blood levels get drawn - for medications that work can really effect kidney and liver function.
Smiles and keep your chin up -
Louri
March 16th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
This is the first post I have seen dealing with the reality of depression and job loss - I have to comment though - at some point I don’t think we are talking about depression in the clinical sense, i.e. where medication and therapy can be helpful. I think we are talking about despair.
I am a highly educated professional - I have been living (and being paid) at or near the poverty level since I embarked on my second career (at the same time I had my second child). I have been depressed and discouraged during some of that time with clinical depression and yes, medication and therapy helped, then.
Now, I am middle aged with proven success, excellent skills - blah, blah, blah and no job. I lost my low paying job three months ago and all my money is gone. Soon my car, my phone and all the rest will be too. I live in a nice suburb - with nice neighbors none of whom can relate with my fear and failures.
I had two great interviews last week - no call backs. One asked for my social - I should never have given it out (poverty level living does not make you a good credit risk) and I fear that is why I did not get the job.
Quite frankly when you can’t support your kids and you are banging your head against the wall no amount of medication is going to help. I feel exactly as is stated in the original post - and I wonder, is it the wrists or the neck?
March 17th, 2008 at 6:04 pm
Judy- I SO know where you are coming from. And I am the most anti-meds person if there ever was. But I did it for my kids because I almost couldn’t get out of bed some days and I was obsessed with my email and phones to the point I would scream if someone was using any of them. I think, for me, when I started to consider the “wrists/neck” thing, it was time to talk to my doctor. With my marriage failing all around me, the prospect of being tossed out like yesterday’s garbage after I had left my career to have another child in my forties…..well, I was a mess. I was barely functioning.
It helped me tremendously in my job search and my interview performance. I think back to my first interview after all of this had happened to me and I have to laugh. I had bags under my bags and I had cried so much the whole month my face was puffy and red. Even so, the HR girl said I nailed the interview but was passed over for someone who didn’t have to commute so far. And today, well…..I don’t want to jinx myself but I got a verbal offer from the government position I have been interviewing for since last June!! I don’t have the written offer yet and I am a stickler for that so I ain’t braggin’ yet. But it looks like I finally have something to celebrate!!
If you really can’t consider med’s, do surround yourself with friends and family who can build you up and can be a positive force for you. I have had a long time colleague in my field who lives across the country who calls me daily just to check on me and give me insight, direction, leads, or sometimes just a shoulder to cry on. This has been invaluable to me in my job search to bounce ideas or get industry insight from. Sometimes, just having a person who just listens is worth so much.
I guess my final comments are please know that you are not alone and most of all, don’t suffer needlessly like I did. And there is light at the end of the tunnel. If I can pull this off getting the position I have just been offered, most of you can do it too. I am pulling for you all. Believe in yourself and your skills. Then market yourself like crazy. Follow up and get feed back. And do it all over again. Trust me, I know it sucks but nobody will believe in you if you don’t believe in yourself. Good luck and stay focused.
Lori
March 17th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
Lori,
I am not an anti meds person - my point is that when you are alone, no spouse/partner and running out of money to meet your daily needs - no amount of meds can counter that despair. You can’t live and feed your children on air. You are fortunate that you have close friends and family - my friends treat unemployment like a cancer diagnosis. It makes people uncomfortable to be with someone who has money problems. I used to be the one who was everyone’s cheerleader - they see me down and out and don’t know what to say.
I have picked up piecemeal work here and there - that keeps my phone on and my child fed. I network as I can - but I can’t afford to go out for coffee let alone lunch. I am 54 years old - my friends go out to dinner, to the movies - they take their kids places … they ask me to go along - I got 20 buck in my wallet and it is earmarked for gas or food. They leave to go to dinner - I go home alone.
The world is changing. My ex’s sister is a counselor - she told me once that the over 50’s downsized out of work executives would come for therapy and she would say all the right things (the things that are stated throughout this post) - but when they left - she said to herself she had no idea how they could cope. For her, the thought of living without her income was terrifying.
The greater the level of education - the older you get - the harder it is. The isolation is greater and the support harder to find. I say again - this is a problem meds won’t help. I am not a person to give up living, but I have lost any sense of joy, happiness and optimism.
But - your story does offer hope and inspiration - and I am grateful that you took the time to respond.
March 17th, 2008 at 8:50 pm
Judy = Your neighbors are not your judge = they are not your family….do not try to please them, you have to find the right things for you. Jesus says you are the light of the world…I beg of you when you pray = do not just pray but stay on your knees and listen.
Your job is not you - there are a million jobs out there - who cares - unless you understand who yo are will set you free - when you comprehend that your silly neighbors don\\\’t matter - but your children do - let\\\’s go deep - let\\\’s get into the spirit of what is going on this weekend - energy - Jesus - he proved them all wrong…
Please = please stay strong for your children - you are their guiding light.
March 17th, 2008 at 10:28 pm
Louri,
My neighbors aren’t silly and I didn’t mean to imply they were. In the cancer analogy I was trying to convey the fear that people feel when they are confronted by something that could happen to them.
Also, while I respect your faith, I am not a christian.
My point in posting is that job loss in this economy presents a complex issue and a challenging one.
March 18th, 2008 at 7:48 am
Yes, Judy, it is a complex issue. I guess what I was trying to say is that it helped me out of the despair mode so that I could even pursue job leads. I couldn’t function normally before the med’s and it enabled me to think more clearly on my goals and the job at hand - getting a job. I by no means am promoting it. It just helped me personally.
I am in my forties so I can somewhat relate to what you are saying and I believe that is true about the education. It was my experience that actually was keeping me from employment because everyone wants someone with 2-5 years experience, not 20!
And I also understand about the cancer analogy. My long time (whom I considered my best) friend has pretty much cut off all communication with me except when I force a response via email. It has forced me into looking hard at who my friends really are.
Trust me, I have had the days you speak of and I really do understand. My kids haven’t been through rough times financially and it is hard to tell them we can’t afford clothes, going out to eat, etc. right now. On top of that, my soon to be ex was pressuring me to get a job so his child support obligation would be lowered and calling me stupid and lazy, as if I wasn’t trying! Talk about stress!!
Just don’t give up. Challenging as it might be, this economy is forcing us to push ourselves in ways we haven’t had to before. You are an educated, strong woman who has so much to offer. And like Louri said, jobs are not who we are. Focus on your job right now - getting one. Set yourself a few goals to achieve this week and push hard trying to meet them. You’ll feel good about a few little steps. Just remember, don’t take this personally. Trying times just make us dig deeper on creative ways to gain employment. You can do this.
March 18th, 2008 at 9:46 am
Sounds like alternatives to pay the bills might be what is needed sometimes. Here are some options:
* If you have basic office skills (e-mail, Word, Excel, etc.) register at a temp agency for short-term or temp-to-perm assignments. If you are an accountant, there is AccountTemps, etc. Also, legal temps, etc. With luck these can lead to real jobs. Or, they can just pay the bills.
* Indeed.com is a “job aggregator” which has a gigantic database of curent jobs including those advertised on sites like Monster and CareerBuilder (but not Craigslist), posted in local newspaper classifieds and associations, and on employers’ Web sites. Search by keywork, like job title, and location (city and state). Think Google for jobs! Then, on the search results page, check the left column where you can sort the results by employer, full-time/part-time, city, etc. VERY flexible and the biggest collection of job postings you’ll find.
* Check Craigslist’s “gigs” section for project and short-term postings (check the “jobs,” too, for more traditional job postings). Craigslist is focused on location, so pick your location to find the gigs close to you. And, postings are presented in reverse chronological order so the newest are at the top and the ones 30 days old are at the bottom. Craigslist is free to post jobs on (except in 11 big cities like NYC, Chicago, LA, etc.), so the scammers post their junk too - ignore it. Don’t post your resume there unless you use an anonymous e-mail account (gmail, Yahoo, Hotmail, MSN, etc.) as your identification -
*** DO NOT POST your name, address, and home phone number openly on Craigslist or anywhere else on the Internet!!!!
* Using an anonymous e-mail address and cell phone number (Google it to see if it is unlisted) to protect your privacy, post fliers in grocery stores and the local library if you can offer services like baby sitting, dog walking, errand running, etc. Post those same service offerings on Craigslist, too.
* If you have a large house or apartment with an empty bedroom (or 4), open a bed and breakfast or weekend inn or take in local college students or visiting faculty members. Do all this with a careful eye on your personal security! And, check with your local government to see if there are licenses or other requirements you need to meet to be legitimately open for business.
* If you have talents that people would pay for (writing, home decorating, cooking, cleaning, handy-man fixup skills, etc.) or can be available when most people are at work to take elderly relatives to doctors appointments, drop off/pick up the dry cleaning or do the grocery shopping, etc. look for local Websites that offer those service and see if you can get listed. Do the Craigslist thing, etc.
* Forbes has published a list of the most successful and easy to start work-from-home businesses that can serve as a bridge for you until you land your new job - or it may become your new job! Here’s the link - http://www.forbes.com/2007/11/07/small-business-whirlpool-ent-manage-cx_mf_1107biztomorrow_slide_2.html?thisSpeed=15000 - copy and paste this whole URL into your browser to see this article.
Finally, put your network to work. If you are over 40, you have a great network - much better than the kids do! Former co-workers and bosses, fomer college and high school classmates, former clients and customers. Get back in touch with the people you liked the best, just to find out what’s going on with them. Find out what’s happening with them. See if there’s anything you can help them with. And then ask them if they know any employers who are hiring people doing what you want to do (KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO DO!!!).
If you went to college, get back in touch with your college to see if the career center helps alumni too. And, don’t back away if you didn’t graduate from the school. Harvard University considers anyone who attended for one semester as an alumnus. If Harvard is that flexible, your school probably is, too. They may offer you career counselling, help with your resume, and other alums to contact in specific companies or industries.
It’s scary, but you WILL survive! Good luck!
March 19th, 2008 at 9:38 am
[...] her thoughts on her own value proposition and self-worth and marketability. Like me, she started out as “hot stuff.” But got nowhere fast. And that’s the the formula for depression or other problems (check out this post, with over 100 comments, called Depression Clouds Everything), and [...]
March 24th, 2008 at 11:46 am
Hello everyone:
I have lost every paralegal job I got. THus, I must be doing something wrong - I suspect I am a loser. Whatever, the problem - I ruined my life.
After almost 2 years on my training paralegal job - I moved on to anther job in the city of Philadelphia. Turned out to be a nighmare- really crazy boss- he reduced my pay afer 3 months from 15/hr to 10/hr because he said he could not get enough work out of me. Luckily - the girl who worked there before told me it was not me, it is him. You are in a bad place - and she got me hooked up with a legal temp agency - and I worked for them about 1year and some months.
Yeah, I was depressed badly during winter while temping - working and going no where.
Yes, I interviewed for 3 permanent jobs in a row, no offer - I got burnt out on rejection and kept temping. Bad side of temping, no benefits and paycheck to paycheck- but I had no debt. I did have an offer at one temp assignment - but I screwed it up. Yeah, I blew it. I was worried I would not have enough paralegal work, thus not acquiring more skills - and at 30K with benefits in the city- still paycheck to paycheck. Onward to more temping.
GOt a job offer in Miami- moved - and was late the first day. My fault. After a 2 day long drive- I partied and was late the first day. Yeah, I screwed up - and although I was never late again- I was put out in 10 days.
Having made some contacts- I got another job as a legal secretary within a few months - And that went wrong in 30 days. I did not meet the 2nd attorney I would be working for until the day I arrived and she did not like me. Finally set me up that I lost a time-sheet at end of 30 days- which I knew I never got that particular time-sheet and was out in 30 days. THings are not going well. Depression and stress and anxiety. So worried about money.
A few months later, I get a job offer as a Paralegal for a small and growing successfull corporation. I was jumping on air. Good pay with bonus program and all the benefits. But it went wrong. (I went wrong) I did my job, I was not imcompetent. But I kept getting mixed messages from my big boss - who I was very uncomfortable around. It was wierd. They signed me up for benefits, I got a 1200 x-mas boonus and was out the door in January - the company slow time. One man said that I was “used for the busy last quarter and then laid off when it was over. They gave me a 1-month severence package. Man- the depression that followed that job loss was bad - plus the anxiety of money.
I was upside down and scared to death and getting very anxious. I was falling apart. By the way- I was a runner - so I do not know what I did wrong.
1 year later I get a paralegal job at another corporation. BUt, find out 6 months into it- they can’t make payroll and I had a shorted check- NEVER trusted them again. SO I was out - and had to sue them for my back-wages. Ugly company - went bankrupt - came out of bankruptcy and got bought out. So what - I was already screwed.
After 1 year of a nightmare - find myself living in motels - I was suppose to sign a new lease the weekend the company jerked my paycheck - I did not sign- and that is how I ended up in motel living. Very bad- not stable living- got a bad job at a national plumbing- an unstable plumber threatened to throw me up against a wall because I spoke with a collecge eduation - and my plumber boss was hitting on me and would not stop. I was out in 6 weeks. Manager- he was weak - and put me out bcause he could not control his staff.
Depression and anxiety and fear. No way to live.
Finally moved home with parents. I am so in debt. Got a Paralegal job- great benefits including paid for health insurance. Worked for 2 attorneys - and one stressed me out so bad- I was out in 6 months. More depression and parents breathing down my neck. More anxiety.
GEt another job- and position eliminated after 3 months. Unbelievable.
Parents decide I am “crazy” - keep calling police to try and get me committed. I was losing my mind tring to keep it together - Was so stressed out did not know that I was also depressed.
GOt a part-time job telemarketing 5pm to 9pm to hold fort down. Problems again. A pregnant girl decides to take her problems out on me one night and I am out the next day.
Finally- parents threw me out - I eventually move in as a rooomate- I am in such bad shape- So stressed - I had a nervous breakdown . Now I cannot work and live on disability. After the breakdwon- depression comes along with it- I was so stressed all the time from all the job losses - that I did not knwo how depressed I was.
The end. I ruined my own life - yeah I am depressed - as I have no one to blame but myself.
March 26th, 2008 at 11:41 am
This is an excellent post. I have been unemployed/underemployed for awhile now and have been struggling to stay positive and keep forging ahead. It is nice to see that I am not alone in my struggle. Someone earlier commented on the rejection, self-doubt, etc. I have always been an overachiever and pushed myself to do my very best, was involved in a million different things, etc, but this job search has caused my confidence to slide. Even talking to friends is difficult because when they ask what I have been doing it is the same answer everyday “Searching for a job”.
I’ve decided I’m going to take a different approach (ie not scour 15 different job boards 8 hours a day) and start learning things that I’ve been meaning to learn for awhile.
If anyone wants to talk about their job search or brainstorm about creative ideas to go about it, please let me know.
Good luck to everyone - I hope we all find jobs that are the right fit for us!
March 26th, 2008 at 11:54 am
In many ways, you are not to blame. The initial mistreatment by several employers put you into a bad emotional state of lost self-esteem, depression, and anxiety. It is very hard to even think clearly, much less perform well, in this frame of mind. It’s a shame you didn’t end up getting some career counseling early on to help you turn the original negative outcomes into simple learning experiences, so that you could go on and find something stable and better.
Your story is happening all too often. Employers have their pick of so many applicants that they can fire without any thought, as they can have someone else step in the same day. Employers seem to have little interest in people as human beings and don’t bother to monitor the actions of their mid-level managers, their partners, etc. to assure that they are not running amok over lower-level employees. In many places, employees have no rights and no recourse.
These are difficult times in which to find yourself unemployed. Thorough research of any company that you’re considering going to work for is SO important.
Try to take a step back and get some perspective. Try not to allow yourself any longer to feel like a victim of your early bad experiences! Bad, unfair treatment by employers doesn’t make you a loser, or a “ruiner” of your life. Let it make you wiser and more prepared to go on and find something safe and stable. Very best wishes to you!
March 26th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
I too am unemployed, and am fed up with the way management treats their \”subordinates,\” especially those that work their butt off, and get the job done. I\’ve been in situations where those who goof off, and kiss up, keep their jobs indefinitely, and those that work the hardest, who get the job done, who even work overtime and don\’t have a life, get picked on for every little thing they do wrong, get written up, and then let go.
Florida, where I live, is a \”right to work\” state, whereby you can be terminated \”without due cause.\” But management, instead of just telling you that you are no longer needed, or that they need to cut back and then let you go, have to protect their a@@ by making up reasons for them to fire you so you don\’t get unemployment. They doctor evaluations so you are just under the score to keep your job. They reject any attempts to bring problems to their attention that affect morale, their job, etc. If problems are taken \”up the company line,\” and even to human resources, things do not change for the better.
I really love to work, and I\’ve enjoyed most of the jobs I\’ve had; it\’s the management I can\’t stand. I really don\’t have the desire to work anymore, due to knowing how employers treat you in spite your hard work and great intentions. I\’ve read blogs on \”Whywork.org,\” and understand that many job hunters have given up the job hunt, and have left the work force completely. Unemployment statistics don\’t even count these anymore. I would love to retire, but I\’m only 45.
I just wish management would treat human beings \”humanly.\”
I read an online article today on Yahoo\’s HotJobs entitled \”Survey Hightlights Managers\’ Role in Job Satisfaction.\” From all my years in the employment world, this has been my experience. I\’ve loved all my jobs. It\’s the management and their management style that leaves something to be desired.
Florida is a \”right to work\” state, read \”right to be terminated at the pleasure of Big Business.\” After all, we do sign an application that states we \”may be terminated without due cause.\” While you are employed, Big Business Management treats you like a machine.
You know, you walk up to a computer, a teller, your lawn mower, your car, a light switch, a faucet, and with the touch of a button, or the insertion of an object in just the right place, you demand the machine start working and get the job done. Likewise, Management will walk up to you, and say, \”Here. Do this,\” and walk nonchalantly away.
Most of us, myself included (most of the time), don\’t walk up to a machine and ask how it\’s doing. \”Hey, did you have a good day?\” or \”You seem to be running slow today. What seems to be the matter? Did you have a bad day, a bad weekend?\” We don\’t stop to thank our machines, or praise our printers for not jamming.
Unless you are into Zen Buddhism, like Robert Pirsig\’s Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.
We tend to replace our old, and excellent working machines, and replace them with newer ones. We spend more money doing this. And we keep the machines we own that don\’t work well, or even work at all, for sentimental reasons. Likewise, Management tends to \”get rid of\” industrious healthy machines, for cheaper and newer models, while keeping the lackadaisical ones. They spend more money doing this.
Machines have model and serial numbers. When they break down or aren\’t wanted, they are gotten rid of and replaced with updated, more or less expensive versions. Human beings go by first name. Whey they break or die, they cannot be replaced. Machines do not laugh, smile or cry. With a few exceptions, human beings do not \”get rid\” of other human beings for breaking down or aging. When human beings break down, as they often do, they do cry.
What happened to treating employees for who they are - human beings - on the road of life? What is taught in Business schools, Management courses, in meetings? Can there be such a thing as Humanistic Management?
Does your president/CEO ever stop by to just say \”hello\” to his/her fellow human beings? Why not treat your subordinates like you would treat your beloved dog, \”Hey first name! How was your day?\” And in return, your dog is happy to see you and please you to no end.
I\’d rather be treated like a dog than a machine.
Happily unemployed!
March 26th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
I’m amazed at where this has come from, and what YOU are sharing here.
I wonder, would anyone be interested in a one hour teleseminar from one of my partners? I haven’t asked them, but I think we might be able to get one of them to have a teleseminar to help answer some of the questions that are coming up here.
March 26th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
Yes, a teleseminar would be great! How would this happen? from what perspective and what are the intended results?
March 26th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
Yes, I think it’s a good idea. There are so many of us who could use some job hunt advice. Also, some advice on how to deal with the ongoing depression as a result of the job market we deal with on a day to day basis.
March 26th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
Employees need to take back Big Business, the power they wield, from Corporate America. Low to middle income employees are suffering due to big corporations. The rich get richer and the poor hard-workers get poorer.
Another thing that bothers me is micromanagement. There is a total lack of trust with managers supervising their employees. Not to say that some people DO need to be managed, but I’ve had supervisors who checked my work, everything that I did, for the entire six years I was there, and another who specified minute things had to be in an exact order; diversion from this order, even though everything was done, was strictly forbidden.
My self-esteem has been shot through and through. I’m completely tired of the way things are right now.
March 26th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Jason,
I would be interested in a teleseminar as well. If you can put it together please do so and let us know. I’m always open tohearing new perspectives when I can.
March 26th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
Jason - you know you can count me in!
Louri
March 27th, 2008 at 7:09 am
Jason, Count me in, too. Sounds like an interesting idea. Hey–anything that will help with this black hole it feels like we’ve all fallen into!!
March 27th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
Count me in on the teleseminar
March 27th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
Reply - it is hard to get counseling for what went wrong on the job, when you do not really know yurself. Seriously, unless that counselor was a “fly on the wall” - it would all be speculation as to what kind of “behavior” I was exhibiting on the job.
Strange part is - I am very good at my Paralegal work. I always get unemployment (nothing to brag about, for certain) and I am never let go for incompetence or anything specific to be concerned about. 2 of my paralegal jobs , I wanted out- because my attorney-boss was stressing me out so bad- I knew how to do my job. Oh, well - and sometimes you are never told why you are being terminated - just some lame vague cryptic statement - the same ones you have been getting .
I was a working paralegal for 10 years - and unemployed for lost of time at the end. Bazaar things kept happening - but as it is said - if you find yourself packing up your desk every 6 months - it is not the boss- it is You.
All this job loss - messes with your head. And during this nightmare rollercoaster of emotions and spirling down - as Jason wrote- Your judgment gets clouded as you are desperate.
March 27th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
As a counselor - I know that a good counselor can help you get to the root - only when you are ready to get to that deeper level. It is hard, there are a lot of bad counselors - therapists - that watch the clock and say \”I\’ll see you next week\”.
I take a very different approach, my clients come are not bound by time - yes I have to set limits, but if I have a new client and it is over the phone - I seriously block 3 hours of time. Not that it is needed, it is just in case. I scribble all over the place - listening for key words that the client is saying! Yes I actually listen - no 2 people are the same, and I refuse to put labels on them. That is left to their doctor and if they want to be labeled that is their choice as well.
When you are looking for a counselor or therapist - interview them - it is your life not theirs. If they are not a good fit - if they do not challenge your mind - if they do not help you empower yourself, then they are not for you! I know many counselors who \”keep\” patients for years - the true job of a counselor is to assist that person in getting to the root (heart) of the issue (s) and EMPOWERING them with the tools and the support that they need.
Smiles to all - looking forward to whatever Jason is brewing up!
Louri
March 27th, 2008 at 3:42 pm
Gina says: ” In many ways, you are not to blame. The initial mistreatment by several employers put you into a bad emotional state of lost self-esteem, depression, and anxiety. It is very hard to even think clearly, much less perform well, in this frame of mind. It’s a shame you didn’t end up getting some career counseling early on to help you turn the original negative outcomes into simple learning experiences, so that you could go on and find something stable and better.”
Hello Gina- thanks for the reply - to whoever it was for. In many ways - even as I walked out the door-
I felt that it was not all my fault - or I was not to blame for all of the mishapps - BUT- it still seems, as it did when it happened- that so many bazaar things can keep happening causing termination- and I do not know what exactly I am doing wrong - the lesson I am suppose to have learned from what I did wrong. Truthfully, I think I have had too many bad experiences that I did not cause- but I do not know that for certain. I only know for certain- it happened, over and over again, and I had a complete breakdown.
March 27th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
Laurie says:
“As a counselor - I know that a good counselor can help you get to the root - only when you are ready to get to that deeper level. It is hard, there are a lot of bad counselors - therapists - that watch the clock and say “I’ll see you next weekâ€. ”
I say - How the heck are the counselors suppose to understand anthing- they only know what you tell them- I think sometimes yu just don not know- and with all of the anxiety I had- who knows-
No disrespect to you Laurie.
March 27th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
I posted earlier that ” I am never let go for incompetence or anything specific to be concerned about. ”
That is incorrect - I needed to be concerned about the “something” that kept causing termination - But I never figured it out - do not want to anymore.
March 27th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
I know it is tough - no disrespect taken….that is why not only listening, looking at body language, hearing where the pauses come - where there is resistance and being kind and gentle make the difference between someone who will make a difference in someone elses\’s life - a positive difference - I could write for miles about this issue - the biggest thing is how do you feel?
Louri
March 27th, 2008 at 9:43 pm
To unlucky:
Yes, my reply was to you. I do think that it’s possible for a series of unfair, unethical, and possibly illegal things to happen to you in the workplace that perpetuate this downward spiral that then makes you feel as though there is something wrong with you. In reality, in these cases, you started out fine–but the unfortunate incidents piled up to convince you that you are less than perfect, that you can’t succeed, and that there is something wrong with you. I have had these exact feelings, yet when I step back (mentally, of course) and look logically at each instance, I can see that I did not do anything wrong, and that this series of missteps has caused me to bog down and lose optimism. I get down on myself–and it’s the hardest thing in the world to come across as positive and “solution-oriented” to prospective employers when you’re in this frame of mind.
March 28th, 2008 at 11:25 am
Has anyone read the novel or seen the film WHEN NIETZCHE WEPT (copyright 2007); It’s based on the novel by Irvin Yalom? Existential! Subjects dealt with are despair, nothingness, love, psychoanalysis, “talk therapy.” Quite appropriate for our group.
March 28th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
Thanks for the book recommendation, I’ll have to check that out. Someone I know recommended a podcast to me called Morningcoach.com. It is a 10 minute podcast that you can download and listen to every morning to give you a boost of positive energy.
March 28th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
Reply to Gina - that was a great post. Thank you - that pretty much sums it all up. Starting with all the job losses in miami, FL beginning 2/99 to
Eventually- by 8/2005 - I had lost my confidence completely.
By 11/2005 - my complete nervous breakdown happened and happened for 14-15 mo. Very bad- that is why I am on disability. GOt very messed up.
I know life is not fair- maybe that is what happened - and I was not the cause of everything. I had such a long spell of bad to worse. oh well. it is done. I can no longer WOrk. Now I need a cognitive therapist to hep me get my confidence back - or whatever they can do- No one can understand a “breakdown” unless you have one. I do not expect anyone to understand- in essence you lose all coping skills - due to stress and pressure cooker you are in- and then the body shuts down and you cannot function at all. Enough of that - no need to relive. Just trying to live again for now.
To Lauri: When you are in the midst of job seeking- no time for therapy- takes too long to find one that is a match for you. And second- when I am in the office structure, together and working- I am a different person in therapy - at work we have to act a certain way. Be agreeable and do our job. as I said. Someone would have to be a “fly on the wall” while I was at work to see the dynamics- because I only know my perspective - not how it relates to my boss and co-workers.
March 30th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
To unlucky:
You have my empathy and support. I think your UserName here is interesting–”unlucky”–it says that some part of you realizes that it’s not that you are not entirely flawed and at fault, but that bad events out of your control conspired to break down your self-confidence. Of course you are not perfect–no one is. But some people’s emotions and coping abilities are just more fragile than other people’s, so the unfortunate situations you found yourself in were very difficult for you to rise above.
Try hard to think of what happened as actual bad luck…and give yourself the chance to try again. You have learned now that bad things can and do happen to perfectly nice and competent people, so perhaps next time you can start out at the beginning preparing yourself to handle the negatives that will no doubt come up, and you will find that you have the strength to survive them.
Accept that’s it’s OK to have “broken down” - you are human and not a machine…a good thing! - and go forward keeping in mind that you’ve “been there, done that” and now you have experience in surviving the unlucky things that can happen to employed people everywhere, everyday.
Be strong!
April 1st, 2008 at 4:06 pm
You have hit the nail on the head, I think anyone over 45 has at one time or another has been in a similar position, coupled with this the fact, iIhate to say it, many companies are a little biased to taking on people over the age of forty. With so many qualified immigrants now coming to the UK, many skilled and young, its no wonder companies don’t want to take on people over the age of forty, this can make you feel real low to say thE least and lead to bouts of depression.
April 9th, 2008 at 8:31 am
Hi! This is a very nice post. I used to think that getting As and doing great with maintaining grades are good enough to land me to a job that I deserve. Oh well, job I want. But after college, I went jobless for years. Tried my luck with doing anything in events organizing, and design with corel and photoshop, still no luck. I don’t know why they don’t hire someone like me.
I don’t think it is because of your age. One it can be the job seekers attitude and outlook in life or 2 it may be the employers hard ass who can’t accept you are way too better than him/her. Either or it doesn’t matter. Winning never spell as G-E-T-T-I-N-G-T-H-E-J-O-B-Y-O-U-W-A-N-T. you are a winner yourself.
And the young ones like me, would definitely have to prepare that someday we will be fired, no matter how much we give to that company, 110% or 200%.
April 11th, 2008 at 8:26 am
This is an update. I have been out of work since November and still no prospects. I have sent out a lot of resumes with very few invitations to interview. I have gone on several second interviews with no job offers. Yesterday, I contacted several temp agencies, but they have nothing. I decided to do some volunteer work as at least I will be out of the house and not staring at the 4 walls. This is the worst job market I’ve seen. Are other people having the same problems?
April 11th, 2008 at 11:47 am
I have been out of work since December; the few temp jobs I have been lucky enough to get pay enough to feed my kid and pay for a couple tanks of gas. My car is going to be repossessed, my cell phone is off and I have run out of money for food. Also for shampoo, haircuts, heart medication and OH YEAH - any money to GO TO A STUPID networking meeting.
Oh - and by the way - I graduated from law school with honors and just won a case in my state’s supreme court last year.
I avoid my friends with lives (i.e.) because frankly I am angry bitter and depressed beyond words. One of my friends mentioned what a wonderful summer it was going to be and I wonder if I will even be alive to see it. And before all you helpful drones with websites to plug or rich spouses chime in with a chorus of look on the bright side - think twice - because this country is in a depression and the over 50 years of age employees are pretty much unemployable.
None of the old rules apply - and if you think I am wrong google the increased suicide rate of people over 45 - it is staggering. And to the long list of suggestions posted by Susan Joyce who obviously posted to boost visits to her website - your tips - especially the one to start your own business - well they are useless in this market.
April 11th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
To Janet:
I feel as you do that this country is in a depression right now. Oh yes, the news and politicians say recession but they are not the ones out looking for employment. At various stages of my life (I’m over 45) I’ve been out of work but always able to find something within 2 months max. Not this time. I would like to see new jobs created but you see the same job listings for the same jobs on job sites. And they are entry level positions paying peanuts. It is very depressing and discouraging to anyone out looking for work. I have stopped going to networking groups because I come home more depressed. So many people there without jobs. Not to mention the high cost of gas to go to the networking group. I have found job fairs and networking not much help.
April 12th, 2008 at 8:37 am
To Janet & Elaine:
I couldn’t agree with both of you more. Go to a “networking” group and commiserate with everyone else? Pay for lunch when you don’t have money to go to the grocery store??! Start a home business-get real!
Our newspaper recently stated that over 230,000 jobs were lost in this country last year…a record. So that’s how many people we are all competing with for jobs. Janet, you’re right, it’s not really about any of the trite issues like age, etc. There are often HUNDREDS of applicants for every job. How do you ever find the one that you can somehow rise to the top of the heap for?
My heart goes out to you. I keep wishing all the smart, talented, experienced people on this forum could somehow get together, pool resources, and make a sh*tload of money!
Hey, now there’s something to work on…how to do that online…with opportunities for all of us. Sheesh…not likely, I guess! (Too much time on my hands for dreaming…)
April 12th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
So how do all of you survive - how do manage to put food on the table? Buy gasoline? Keep your utilities on? I have had help from family and friends but it really is less than a band aid but I am grateful that I have food for my child. But it is also killing my self esteem. My child support pays my rent and that is it - but it is too much to qualify me for public assistance.
What are people doing?
April 12th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
I was the fifteenth person to comment on Jason’s post, about five months ago. I have no idea how many comments have been posted since, but hey Jason you really hit on something people relate to.
When I wrote my comment I had no idea what was about to happen. My boyfriend and I moved in together in early February to a lovely house much larger than either of our separate homes. The rent was high but we were confident we’d manage with our combined incomes. The DAY we moved, he was informed his employers were going into receivership, and five days later he was made redundant. He never even got to go back to the office after his week off for moving.
I’ll call him John. He’s was a sales manager for the company, earning them a huge amount of business last year. His company’s turn-over was £36 million. John was owed £5k in commission which we’d included in our calculations for moving home. He won’t ever get it. Today he received a letter from the administrators. The creditors who get paid first are the banks and the official administrators who came in to close the company - they earn £350 per hour. Many of the creditors are small businesses that may not recover from the loss. At the bottom of the heap are the employees who have no hope of receiving outstanding pay or commission. It’s appalling.
Currently my own modest income is all we have and I’m running up a huge overdraft. I’m working all hours at my business (self-employed designer) AND running the home. My partner has become depressed, although I don’t think he realises it. He spends a lot of time killing people in a virtual online war game or watching tv, sleeps on the sofa and doesn’t engage much in our life together. It’s very hard to bite my lip all the time.
After a few months looking at various options, John’s going into business with some of his former colleagues. In the long run it could prove to be a blessing in disguise, but as anyone knows, setting up a new business is highly stressful and there’s no income to start with.
I’m not sure our relationship will survive. My tolerance and understanding are stretched to the limit. While I understand what he’s going through and want to support him as much as I can, I find his attitude towards me hard to bear, especially his lack of help while I’m working so hard. Even a cup of coffee once in a while would be nice. Do other people have experience of redundancy driving a wedge into a relationship?
April 13th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
We had an IRA retirement fund from when my husband had a ‘real career’ (he’s now teaching), and we’ve gone through almost all of it. We are entering a very scary situation: our house must sell (nearly impossible in FL), I must sell my car or default on the lease…basically, we have to get out from under a crushing mortgage payment and impossible monthly payments or…no answer, I guess.
What do we all do??? We are highly educated, husband has PhD, good work ethics, good resumes, the whole package. There are just too many people, and too few jobs. And the situation is spiraling downward because everyone has less money to spend, which hurts everyone else. Our newspaper has pages and pages of foreclosures each week, and I wonder the same thing: what are these people doing? How are they surviving?
This is what our parents and grandparents went through starting in 1929. Now we will understand.
April 29th, 2008 at 2:34 am
I have enjoyed reading these posts, because now I know that other people are feeling what I am feeling. I finished school two years ago, and spent the two years following graduation teaching English abroad. I have been trying to find an entry level ngo position for about 5 months now, and nothing! no callbacks, no interview requests, just an empty inbox day after day. Even networking has failed me, but in my defense its hard to network for an ngo position living in rural Kansas with your parents….When everyone in your town works at the mill or a restaurant. Anyway,
I am so frustrated. My student loans are piling up, I’m living at home so I can pay them. I want to be independant and live on my own and support myself (that was one of the goals I had in mind when going to college), but its impossible, because I can’t find a job that pays an actual salary. I have spent the last few months working with high school kids who are on their way to college, and a part of me wants to yell at them and tell them that college won’t get you anywhere!!! After four years, you’ll probably be back here with me making pizza.
I feel like a much more intelligent person after completing college, and after working in Asia I have international work experience, but I guess none of that matters because I can’t support myself right now. Maybe I’m doing something terribly wrong, maybe I’m just unlucky. Or maybe searching for jobs months on end with nothing is normal, I don’t know. All I know is that I just want an entry level job. I want to feel porductive and I want to pull myself out of this depression. I am really trying to be positive, but its hard.
What was the point of it all? I’m an in debt, depressed, college graduate. I would rather be a debt free, happy person who has no college degree and therefore has no unrealistic expectations of being hired for an entry level job.
If you are thinking of going to college……I seriously recomend a state school or somewhere cheap. An ivy league education did nothing for me in terms of the job market, it just made me poorer and more in debt than I ever though possible.
April 29th, 2008 at 3:09 am
I read several of the posts and agree, something is really terribly wrong. This does not seem to be just a “recession.” It seems that while so many people are in despair loosing jobs, homes, etc., every day we are hearing about more and more increases in costs…gasoline, food, utilities, plane fares, and on and on. And when I read about the “Stimulous Packages” all I see is help for businesses not individuals, rewards for people buying foreclosures instead of help for those going through them! And they didn’t feel it necessary to extend unemployment benefits for people who have no hope of being able to find a job, yet huge companies are being bailed out. It seems as though we are on a path to disaster and we are being told to relax, stop and smell the flowers along the way. I hear many people say that after the election things will improve, but I don’t see much hope there either. I was widowed ten years ago when my husband shot himself because he could not find work, now I am remarried and my husband was laid off five months ago from a skilled construction job. We have sent out no less than 1,000 resumes and he has had 4 interviews in 5 months. Has anybody else noticed that many employers are taking advantage of all of the desperate people looking for jobs? Two out of the four interviewers that my husband has met with casually apologized to him because of their inaccurate job descriptions, requiring skills that were never even mentioned in their ads. Plus they won’t even give you a clue as to the salary until you spend the time and gasoline to drive out there, only to find out that they want to pay $9 an hour and require a Masters Degree and ten years of experience. But, in most cases, you never even get an acknowledgment that they even received your resume, or a polite rejection letter after you have interviewed. They won’t take follow-up calls, or respond to e-mails. It seems to me that not only the economy has gone to pot but human decency and consideration of others has gone with it.
April 30th, 2008 at 10:17 pm
Dear Leslie,
I too have a college degree (twenty plus years ago), am unemployed and feel the same way. I too felt ashamed after graduating from college and having to live with my parents or with friends, or even my grandmother, making $4 something an hour. I also felt it was my fault, that I wasn’t intelligent enough, lacked any skills, etc. Now I know the truth. The purpose of attending college has little to do with getting a job and making money; 98% of graduates do not use their college major in a professional career. The purpose of college is to broaden your ideas, experiences, social skills; to expand your horizons (as you have already done), and to develop and fine tune your Weltaunchaung (world view).
Our situation right now it affected by the economy, and the rise and domination of Big Business and corporate politics, the unimportance of “the little person,” too many people and too few jobs. Don’t take not having a job personally. Do something every day which has meaning for you. I enjoy gardening and interior design, so I volunteer pulling weeds for my neighbors, and I renovate my house one little piece at a time. These projects keep me busy and feeling useful and purposeful.
Giving up is easy, and I have felt like giving up also. Do something fun every day. Find some time and a place for yourself. Stay around positive people who will support you, and at the same time who will listen to your frustration and despair. I’ve found that those who are also unemployed will be your best bet; those who have jobs can’t seem to empathize with our situation.
BTW, where in Asia did you teach English? I know a little Mandarin, Hindi, Vietnamese, Thai, etc, and add to my vocabulary whenever I get the chance. Nide pengyou.
Here is some advice from a friend of mine who has helped me when I’ve been down and out. :
“Thanks, …. I understand the frustration. I can only tell you that I have advised many friends based on my own experiences and the training I’ve received in outplacement. Follow the advice they give you. You’re welcome to put this advice out there on the blog or hopefully send it to Leslie if you can and if you think it’s worthwhile.
Stay in touch with friends. Join book clubs or other social groups that provide free opportunities to talk with people. Stay positive, talk about your interests, the contributions you have made, and what you want to do next. Write these down and say them out loud until they can flow in about 2 minutes — who you are, what you’ve done — concrete things that you’ve accomplished — and what you’re interested in. “Hi, I’m Leslie (Last Name). I’ve been teaching English to (children? adults?) in Asia for the past two years. I’m interested in using my experience to contribute to an NGO by (doing what?).” Work through saying these things until they are a natural part of a conversation, not a stilted speech. You don’t have to feel like you’re bragging. People just need to hear that you sincerely like to work and want to make a contribution. You will find the most bizarre connections with the most interesting range of people if you’re willing to get out and talk with them. I know how hard it is to look for a job, and I know it’s harder when you’re depressed, so don’t let yourself get into a downward spiral. Get up every morning. Dress in decent clothes, brush your teeth and your hair, put on makeup if you normally wear any, make a point of getting out and talking to people, and force yourself to schedule an activity. You will be amazed at the difference it makes. Good luck!!”
April 30th, 2008 at 10:37 pm
I had posted here a few times back in March - since that time I went back on anti-depressants - make too much money for public assistance and too little money to do anything besides feed my child and keep my phone (and internet on). I get up every morning - go through the routine - but going out - with people who can go places, make plans, buy groceries - is too hard.
I sit in my silent house, looking for jobs, reaching out via phone and email - and wonder how long I can hang on.
May 4th, 2008 at 6:39 am
TO JANET:
Hello - I was a Paralegal for 10 years, so I am knowledgeable of the legal field and know that the job market for lawyers is glutted. Of course, the metropolitan area you live in has a lot to do with it. As you probably know, in Washington DC, there are a ton of lawyers who cannot find jobs after law school, and there is a huge amount of Contract Projects in D.C. SO, many may never be hired as lawyers in firms or corporations, but there is contract projects that pay well. Graduating with Honors from Law School should mean you were in the top of your class. A Lawyers salary: To give a broad example I saw when working in Philadelphia, $35k when working for a sole practioner to start with increase to $40k in year (this is with a money-making attorney) and the opposite spectrum of large law firm pay out of law school in Philadelphia probably about $60K. Not suggesting you move. NOT telling you what to do - if it were me, I would be at Social Services applying for Food Stamps, Health Insurance and General Assistance. For me, I am not going to be stupid and not get money for Food, etc from SS - the option, spend your own money yu do not have and end up - homeless??
May 4th, 2008 at 7:23 am
TO JUDY:
WOW -I have been where you are now, BUT - I exercised - it made all the difference in the world. The weather is good now - unless you live in a snow area. YOU must get out and take a WALK every day for an hour - Or as much as you can.
May 4th, 2008 at 7:43 am
TO MARIA AND JOB SEEKERS:
Do not expect rejection letters. And do not get bothered if yu do not get one. Too many resumes being submitted - HR has no time to send Rejection Letters. Nor do they answer telephone calls after interviews. JUST send the thank you note - they do take mail. IF THEY DO NOT CALL YOU, they are not interested or your resume is lost in the pile, or the process of reviewing is still gong on. NO CALL, move on. NO_ they do not tell you salary or other information on telephone - you have to go to the interview. NO, do nt wast time trying to e-mail Employers, unless you are sending resume. No, they do not take follow-up calls, send Thank you note. THE BALL is in the Employers Court. . It is a Buyers Market - in JOBS and HOuses.
May 4th, 2008 at 8:04 am
TO LESLIE:
So, you are living in rural Kansas. Well, here is an idea. You may need to consider being in a large metropolitan area - or a State where there are Job Economy is better for what yu are looking for. Concept - Get any job for now that pays money, get 2 jobs. Pay student loan, stay in parents house (do not be bothered by that , it is typical in this era) and save you money to move for a better JOB MARKET in what ever you do . IF there are no jobs in your area, because it is small and limited - it is the only way out - Maybe you can commute by train or bus to the closest Metropolitan area for a job. Do not know your area.
May 4th, 2008 at 8:13 am
TO Leslie:
Might want to get on the SUZEORMAN web site and read up on student debt and make sure you have the lowest rate or can consolidate or simply the information on paying it back. AND, do not get hung-up on the debt- it will go away. Just keep paying and do not focus on the Balance. Basically, pay and pretend it is not there. Yu cannot waste your energy on that - focuse on gettting 2 pizza jobs or whatever to pay debt and save. This part of your life, example: the 2 pizza Jobs is only temporary way to make money while you map out your next move. (move means plan)
May 5th, 2008 at 1:44 am
Hello to all
I wrote in sometime ago in Jan or Feb this year, i’m really glad to have found this website and discover that i am not alone, and it does help to share and hear from others in the same boat. I always say, only people like us who are in this situation can fully understand what we are going through. Not sure if i mentioned that when i lost my job and was unemployed for 3 months looking for work, most people i thought were ‘friends’ started to shun me, they would just avoid speaking to me or would even lie that they tried to call me out of concern etc but of course they never did. It is over this time that we can see who are our true friends - those that will stick by us and support by helping or just lending a ear, most of my ex colleagues who are doing well now, well they just simply don’t care no more. I think success changes people- it hardens their hearts in our status conscious materialistic world. When you are deemed a failure, suddenly people you thought were friends- they all disappear!! I could only depend on my family and a handful of friends that stood by me through it all.
I have started work ing again about 2 months back, i had to take a job where i had to start at the bottom again and this new boss sort of knew what happened to me in my last - where i was asked to go etc, as such it is like i owe her a big one and i guess she knows that i am not in a position to complain about the level i’m at here, but truth is i feel very demoralized, especially that i have been there done that - and now suddenly i am sitting at the bottom with all the young junior staff and struggling with them to move up again, and i have another boss that is the same age as me and he is getting it all here- it is really painful to bear but i have to be strong now and be grateful that at least i have this job to go to. I try not to think about my past life when i had better opportunities and wish i had appreciated them more now. Life is strange, one day you are up there and going upwards and then you make one stupid life changing mistake and everything goes downhill from there. I find that the only to get through this is to keep positive and keep hoping against hope, i had so many doors closed that i don;t think there are any more left open, sometimes i feel like there is some force out there that is preventing me from getting anything that is good for me, one way or another, an open door will be slamed shut. I am living a misearable life at present but hanging on to hope that this is just a passing cloud..
May 5th, 2008 at 7:57 am
Yes, what Dave says is so true–about people not “getting it” unless they’ve lived it.
Here’s a poem I wrote one day after my husband and grown son went off to their jobs and I sat here in my nice big house I can’t pay for anymore while everyone in my affluent neighborhood also went off to their jobs.
The “flash fiction” website I submitted didn’t get it, but I have a feeling those who visit here will:
PINK SLIP
I am that woman who lives
across the street from you,
you know the one,
two sidewalks and three income levels away.
The one with the fiery hair,
the insolent walk to the mailbox
where the YOU’VE JUST WON mail
is never really about winning
and fear is for lunch
while everyone’s at work
and dinner is a love offering,
a solo project of redemption
sustaining the employed
while absolving the woman who,
jobless,
watches you drive off each morning
in your glittering car.
May 6th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
I’m actually a “recent” college graduate (perhaps a lapse of a year after graduation would not really be considered recent), was moving in the direction of becoming a teacher, but had decided it was not for me and had left my position in February. The depression is really compounded by the fact that I had willfully brought it upon myself by leaving without first procuring another job.
There is quite a bit of mention about “fair weather” friends here in the comments. I was wondering if anybody has had to deal with some rather brunt, insensitive comments? A couple that I’ve gotten are, “Nobody wants you yet?” and “You STILL don’t have a job?” The first came from my older sister, whom I know to be a very direct person, so I sort of ignored it and did not express my displeasure; the second from my good friend’s beau, whom I did not like very much to begin with and certainly have resolved to continue disliking until she decides to move on. I believe this is one other negative repercussion that comes with one’s self-esteem being slowly dragged through the mud during unemployment: the inability to be subject to criticism. Sure, the examples I’ve presented wouldn’t exactly be considered constructive criticism, and are certainly insensitive enough to make one apt to disregard it altogether. But winnowing the ill emotional effects from such scrutiny becomes extremely hard. My morale drops yet further, and I’m left to dwell on it for a while before coming to myself again. Ultimately, I know their words are tactless and bare no weight on my identity, but they still serve as a reminder that I am, for the moment, short of fulfilling not only their expectations but my own.
I’d like to know how those of you who have had to deal with such people cope. I’m going on my third month of unemployment, have actually underwent several interviews and second rounds, but have yet to receive a job offer.
May 7th, 2008 at 11:59 am
I was fired when I refused my boss’s order to break the law. I refused to treat a defendant unequally, when I took oaths to treat everyone equally and uphold the law. I am suing my former employer, and I am f-ing furious that these things occur. The depressing part is that I am starting to realize that these types of things are common, especially in this area, and a lot of people think it is ok. I feel paralyzed to try to look for anything else, because I feel like everyone except my family and close friends is a lying unethical scumbag.
The sad part is I really liked my job, because I never had to talk to the scumbag boss except for the meeting when he retaliated against me.
I don’t know if I’m depressed or if it is just a normal reaction to a bad situation. I feel like I am just trying to survive and go though the motions until things get better. I have no extended family, and it takes all my energy to just act normal and take care of my husband and 2 kids. I don’t really want to go anywhere or see anyone because I am embarrassed to be unemployed. I don’t talk to anyone else all day, and I don’t want to, but this just makes me feel worse. I’m too depressed and scared to get any sort of formal help, because then I would be admitting I can’t handle my day-to-day responsibilities, and I have no one to help when my husband is gone all day earning the only money we have now.
Well, at least I wrote it all down. That’s something different for me than just constantly thinking about it. That’s about all I can handle right now.
May 7th, 2008 at 11:26 pm
I wrote about my experience as a “job seeker” back in December and I thought I would post a follow-up. I’m amazed at some of the responses since then.
The good news is that I finally managed to find something. After several interviews with different hiring departments, and many exams later, I landed a two-year junior position with the government; after the two-years, I can continue and apply to more senior positions or, do something completely different in another department. Although I won’t be working in my field during the first two-years, I would say it is a step in the right direction. I will be moving to the national capital at the end of the month. Oddly, the one overriding emotion since I received my offer of employment is -relief-.
I don’t have sagely advice or anything unique to say that hasn’t already been said except to never stop trying. Even when I was comfortable working at my temp job (I even got a small promotion), I never stopped looking/applying for a “real job” after my shift. I checked my email, career websites and job boards -every- -single- -day-. I went to every single interview/testing session I was offered even if I wasn’t all that interested in that particular department/position. Others have already touched upon this point but I think it’s worth mentioning again: You really have to believe that something good will happen. I learned a lot from this experience (more than I bargained for to be honest) and will carry with me the lessons from these past 8+ months.
Hang in there — even this must pass.
Thank you Jason for writing the original article — I can finally move on.
May 8th, 2008 at 11:30 am
Such an unchampioned point-of-view — this stark reality of joblessness, it’s all captured here. I am stunned that this facet of unemployment should strike such a unified chord of recognition in so many people. It sounds corny, but it hadn’t occurred to me that so very many souls would be sharing such similar experiences with me: the depression of being left at home while loved ones go off to their jobs, the insensitive comments from friends and family, the ever-present demon of corporate politics and remembering the almost criminal nonchalence of their words at the final parting. Feeling that one must explain the fact of a change in financial posture due to having been “let go.” And the grief, fear and self-doubt that can leave even the most articulate person at a loss for words and ideas.
I’ve been there too. All I have to add, if it helps is this: Go down swinging. Never allow yourself to feel second rate because you’re paying the price for office politics, corporate treachery or the sagging economy. I may end up living under a bridge, but I’ll damned sure hold my head up! And when the pendulum swings the other way (and it will) get back in there and make a place for yourself. You did it once. You can do it again.
May 10th, 2008 at 11:15 pm
To LESLIE:
My life history is quite similar to yours, including an Ivy League education, taught English in Asia, now live in a small town with my parents while looking for a job at a nonprofit. I’ll try to offer some useful advice.
Yes, it’s often discouraging. But I would echo the comments that you need to set your sights on a bigger city. It is a well-worn path for young people to go off to the big city to avail themselves of the kinds of job opportunities that do not exist in their rural hometowns. You can get a year or two of experience on your resume. It’s important to “get into the flow of commerce,” even in the nonprofit sphere.
If you have an Ivy League education, your worldview should be much larger than that of the restaurant workers in your hometown. Set your sights on something bigger than your hometown, and find that entry-level job.
Try this mood management technique: When you receive a setback or disappointment, shift your efforts TEMPORARILY to a few tasks that you know you can succeed at. It can be cleaning your kitchen, cooking a successful dish, or weeding the flowerbed. The point is that being IN ACTION and racking up a few successes will lift your mood.
Also, check out http://www.meetup.com. They have lots of group activities that you can join. You might have to drive over to the nearest mid-sized city to meet them, but this is a good opportunity to get a change of scenery and people in your week. It’s a mental health break. In trying to make conversation, other attendees may ask you what you do for a living. That can induce feelings of discomfort, but just tell them, “I was living abroad, but now I am back and am looking for a job in a nonprofit organization.” You’ll get to know some new friends. This will help give some much-needed balance to your life.
Also, the more successful your friends are, the better. In a rural area, these may be hard to find, so look toward your nearest mid-sized city and sign up for the kinds of clubs that well-educated people gravitate to. The standards of your peer group will inevitably rub off on you, so choose a good one. This is something that you can control, so take some satisfaction at steering your own destiny in this way.
Best of Luck!
May 15th, 2008 at 5:37 am
Update: After 6 months of interviewing, a lot of interviews and second interviews, I finally landed a job offer with a great company. This has been the longest time I have been out of work. All I can say to the rest of you who are still unemployed, just keep on going and don’t give up. I really thought I would never get a job but I did. Along the way, I networked, but found my job posted on a website. My advice would be to get out and meet with people. I do volunteer work, and also took a temporary position just to get me out of my house so I could meet with people. You must keep moving. I’ve experienced all of the emotions and doubted my own abilities. I think the worst thing is to be isolated. I wish everyone all the best and good luck on your job search. By the way, I kept a list of all the companies I applied to and it was over 50 companies.
May 15th, 2008 at 10:10 am
There is another avenue that I used to cawl back to being me while being unemployed that just came to me while reading all of the heart felt comments…
http://www.flylady.net
It’s much more than a splashy / perky way to clean your house…
It is rooted in the practice of getting out of bed… get moving… get dressed… clean your sink…
I know it sounds corny to read… but waking up in the morning to a clean sink and being able to get through breakfast with a clutter free environment helped me focus on the daily grind and fear and rejection and ’stuff’ that came with trying to make progress while feeling that my world was coming to an end.
May 19th, 2008 at 11:40 am
I’m a realtor and was working as a builder representative in a new homes development. Sales were just getting better; I’d sold three homes in three weeks and had gotten a lot hold that I was getting ready to convert to a contract, when my boss came in on April 17th and “let me go”. He’d already hired someone to take my place, said it had come from the company president, not him, and he was just the messenger. The excuse was that they had thought more homes should have sold (I had sold ALL the new homes but TWO, btw!). The President decided to revamp the whole company apparently and put younger people in; I was fired and another resigned. When asked if I wanted to resign, I said NO, I’m not quitting. So, anyway, here I am, a month later, wondering what is next? I’ve put applications out like crazy, signed up with a headhunter, and a temp agency, but nothing so far! I am single, no second income. The depression is getting to me; I feel paralyzed and I feel like hiding, which I know is not good. I have to force myself to do things: get up, dress, hair and make-up etc., make the bed and keep the house neat and get with the program by researching jobs, etc. I’m trying to find an administrative position now because the housing market is so poor. I have 21 years experience, but I am 58 years old! I am so hoping someone will give me a chance to prove myself! Otherwise, I may be on the street in a few weeks! I am depressed and frightened! I need a steady income, so I’m not looking for a sales job at this time; I need the security of a steady paycheck! Thanks so much for this topic and thank you for letting me vent.
May 19th, 2008 at 6:49 pm
Hang in there Linda - I know exactly how you feel. I am single and in a similar situation only I have been unemployed since January - keep sending out resumes and doing what you are doing. Also you need to let friends help you if they can - stay strong.
May 20th, 2008 at 10:32 am
Thank you, Judy. How are you living from day to day, paying bills, etc.? Keeping a roof over your head?
May 20th, 2008 at 10:57 am
Linda - I live in a house in lieu of child support so I don’t have rent - I have picked up bits of work (house cleaning and organizing for friends) here and there, my mother helped me with a few months of car payments, I have used up all the food in my pantry and a couple friends help with milk, bread etc., I only drive my car to job interviews and my debt mounts every day (utilitlites etc.). I pay what I can to keep them on. I get up every morning, do job searches, send out resumes and keep putting one foot in front of the other.
On the negative side - I grit my teeth so much my mouth aches all the time - I am sure it is from stress. I have had trouble making myself exercise everyday but over the past few days I am have been walking at least 40 minutes. I miss having cable tv and good shampoo. I miss the luxury of buying a magazine.
If you want to connect - scroll up to my March 17th comment and visit my blog - there is a link.
May 21st, 2008 at 10:45 am
Thanks, Judy…and I am sorry about your situation. I hope you get that great job offer soon!
I’m so glad you have a mom and friends to help you some. I will go to the link in your post later today; I have got to keep myself moving forward and I have some things I need to do.
May 30th, 2008 at 5:40 am
[...] part of a seminal article about his past job search depression, Jason Alba of JibberJobber discussed some of the causes, the first 6 listed here. The additional [...]
May 30th, 2008 at 6:53 am
TO NANCY B - That was a great post - and the real real of what we must do while unemployed. Getting rid of clutter is very important. I t clears the mind - as you know.
May 30th, 2008 at 7:01 am
TO JUDY-
Great comment - except missing magazines and good shampoo- learn to love the frugal lifestyle - while unemployed. That helps me.
When I was unemployed, I went to Social Services and got Food Stamps and Medicaid Health Insurance. Medicaid covers everything. Just make sure you bring proof of last unemployment document.
As for debt - look for offers of Balance transfers to low rates and some are 0 percent. Learn how to use these balance tranfers to your advantage. But once you do a balance transfer, you can NEVEr use that card till balance paid in full.
May 30th, 2008 at 7:04 am
TO JUDY
As I did myself, I highly suggest going to Social Services and apply for Food Stamps and Medicaid and General Assistance.
May 30th, 2008 at 7:09 am
To LINDA -
The above-reply was meant for you.
I have been inthat paralized stage before. YOU DID FILE FOR UNEMPLOYMENT. Your reason for being terminated would be “LAID-OFF” - You get unemployment for 26 weeks. If you have not filed - do that first. That is your income while seeking work. Can’t get Social Services benefits when collecting unemployment - Unemployment is more money.
May 30th, 2008 at 7:13 am
To Linda -
Additionally, with unemployment, get a part-time job. I did telemarketing p/t. They are always hiring.
Having the part time job puts structure in your life and the money makes you feel more in control.
AND, IF YOU HAVE CC DEBT, look for balance tranfers offers to lower rates. They come from your present companies, sometimes with the bill, and somtimes separately.
May 30th, 2008 at 8:52 am
Thank you for the kind words ‘unlucky.’ How did you work through your paralized stage? For me it was to get a second job as soon as i thought my day job was at risk. While it got me through that time of turmoil, there are still times when I battle the fear of going through another cycle of unemployment alone… even though I am not alone… even though my rational side knows I could get a consulting job tomorrow if I ‘had to.’
For me, now, it is about learning to not become paralyzed again by the ‘maybes.’
May 30th, 2008 at 11:08 am
Thanks, Unlucky. Yes, I am getting unemployment right now; it took a month for it to start, but I’m grateful for it. In my state, I would have to report it if I took a part time position, which would basically cut out the unemployment and I wouldn’t make as much money part-time as the weekly unemployment is. Unlucky, are you working now?
Judy, I went to your blog site….very nice. How are things with you?
Things I am grateful for: By God’s grace, I have enough money for June’s rent! So far I’ve not had to go hungry! I’ve switched to a more vegetarian diet and I’ve found that brown rice, beans, and potatoes and vegetables and fruit can be cheap and versatile, as well as, healthier. I can spend as little as $30 and eat well for a long time. I’m grateful for family but also grateful that I’ve not had to borrow from them…yet.
I’m really trying to believe that this is only temporary and ‘this too shall pass’.
June 2nd, 2008 at 8:09 am
Wow, and I thought this happens only to me. Yes, intellectually I knew better, but emotionally it was hard to see. My depression didn’t stem from being let go and I have actually had interviews. My depression comes from going through the process of multiple interviews and, after being asked for salary information up front, being offered positions that want 15 years of experience, training, and knowledge, at an entry level salary. Why waste my time and yours? Why drag the process out and after asking for my compensation history and minimum requirements offer the position at $10K - $20K less? I understand that it’s an employers market to a certain degree, but that doesn’t mean I can afford that salary cut. I’m still reeling from the effects of filing bankruptcy the last time I was out of work 2 years ago.
No, my depression doesn’t stem from being let go. It stems form what else do I have to let go of, what else do I have to lose before this turns around? And the frustration I feel for not marrying someone with earning potential just adds to my depression I feel like a shit for thinking that way, but I’m angry that my husband cannot support his family and that I have become the major wage earner. It’s stress i don’t want or need.
June 2nd, 2008 at 9:05 am
[...] Who really is at the depths of despair? What about the people who have been commenting on my Depression Clouds Everything post… ? Depression is real, and it’s amazingly powerful (and debilitating). How can I, [...]
June 2nd, 2008 at 11:21 am
First of all, to the above poster: Don’t do it. Get help wherever you can, call the Suicide Hotline, whatever you have to do. Think of your family, friends….reach out! Don’t let this beat you! BELIEVE that this will turn around!
June 9th, 2008 at 7:48 am
TO NANCY B-
How I got through my paralized phase of unemployment.
I went to my Primary Doctor and got help- and I walked and ran whenever I could. I had been an advid runner for 20 years. Some days I just could not take it anymore and rented fun movies and stayed in movie land for the day, all day.
June 9th, 2008 at 7:58 am
TO LINDA:
The point of getting a part-tinme job while collecting unemployment is 2-fold:
(1) It stretches the unemployment banefits. You get a to keep a certain amount of the money and the rest gets banked back into unemployment. EX” Benefits are $250/week. The p/t job pays $100/wk. Yu get an allowable amount to keep, such as $50 of the $100, then they deduct the $50 from $250 and the end result is that $50 gets banked back into unemployment for you. It streched your benefits.
I URGE you to get the booklet at the office and read your Notice of Beneifts and ask Unemployment specifically if you need to verify your understanding.
IF you receive $250 and make $300/week p/t, if lose job (1) you re-file for the Beneifts to continue- and (2) working builds your Unemployment Bank by deduction (3) working gives you structure.
TO EVERYONE - make sure you understand your Unemployment Beneifts to make the best use of them if you get any work at all while job searching.
June 9th, 2008 at 8:03 am
TO CYNTHIA-
I went through everything you stated. AND, I was single with no husband ever. SO , get some exercise in, walking is easy. It helps clear the mind and with stress. If it gets so bad you are snapping, go to your Doctor.
June 9th, 2008 at 8:05 am
TO THE THOUGHTS of SUICIDE - GO TO YOUR DOCTOR ASAP- sounds like you need help for depression - that is why the thoughts.
June 9th, 2008 at 8:07 am
TO LINDA:
No, I am UNABLE to work anymore. I had a major burnout from all the ups and downs and unemployment times of my Paralegal career of 10 year. Enough said.
June 10th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
TO ANYONE - Analyze this:
Experienced Paralegal hired for in-house counsel position in August. 6 weeks into job, she gets CRYPTIC talk from a boss RE: this company is about relationships. 60 days into job, Paralegal signed up for Health benefits. In December, Paralegal gets a $1,200 x-mas bonus. In January, Paralegal is given the axe with a 4 week Severance Agreement and package, plus 1 week vacation pay.
WHAT the hey happened????
June 10th, 2008 at 6:32 pm
Disregard the above- post. It serves no healthy purpose. It is spilt milk.
June 10th, 2008 at 6:53 pm
I see it is as more than just spilt milk… it is one of the frustrations that add to the challenge of post - job recovery. Someone, somewhere didn’t feel that you were building positive relationships.
Were they bitter that you pointed out thier failings? Did they feel slighted that you didn’t pay enough attention to them? or that you didn’t back thier ideas?
There could be lots of reasons for cryptic discussions that lead to a sudden termination… I have had the displeasure of letting people go over the holidays… it is not fun for anyone.
I have also had the corporate view of ‘guidelines’ given to managers about what they can and can not say to an employee that is about to be terminated. It is sad that boundries are so strict and both sides are left with gaping wounds to heal.
For me… I have gotten through the tough times by enjoying the little things… I really enjoy the http://www.flylady.net process and the freedom from clutter that my house now gives me.
It sounds like a little thing, but it has helped keep me moving in a forward direction.
& using JibberJobber has helped me to keep track of the details of all my connections that other applications (facebook, linkedin) can not.
My husband is the real expert on job search… having had 11 different jobs in 2004 (when we first moved here to Seattle)… and he says that reading job descriptions and visualizing all of the positive things that he learns about the company when he does the research before applying gets him through his ‘bad days.’
I hope that you are able to move through this to build new relationships in your new positions.
June 11th, 2008 at 11:41 am
Thanks for your input, Unlucky; I appreciate it.
It is puzzling (for me) as to ‘why’ in your situation and also in mine. If an employee is producing consistently, as I was, and, apparently, as you were, it doesn’t make sense, but sometimes there is a personality conflict or the boss just doesn’t like your look or whatever. The president of the company told me I didn’t talk enough. I didn’t around him because I couldn’t get a word in edgewise…he would come in, shout orders and questions, etc. I feel that I was ‘let go’ because the president wanted to move the company in a new direction, but he basically decided to put young, attractive people in the key positions, ones who have no experience in new home sales. My direct boss told me I was the hardest working agent he had, but, HE was ‘let go’ two weeks after me. But, whatever the reason, it is what it is. Nowhere to go but forward. I appreciate your suggestion of walking/running, something I need to do more of.
My problem right now is just trying to remain focused. My mind gets muddled and caught up in inconsequential things and I tend to lose my sense of direction. Even after six weeks of being unemployed! Anyone else experiencing this? Is it just part of depression? I would say I’m still somewhat depressed although not as bad as in the beginning. It’s still kind of there in the background.
June 17th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
Ooh, can I join the party? I feel as if I shuffle around under a 100-pound backpack. When I stagger to the computer, I flip listlessly through the job sites. I hit the “save this job” button, but I can’t muster the energy to answer them with an upbeat and positive cover letter. Who cares if I do it today or next week? I won’t hear back anyway.
I know I’m depressed. I have a medical condition with a strong correlation to depression and suicide, and the medicine aggravates it. Antidepressants help a little, but not enough to make me chipper and self-confident.
So I wonder: if I were not depressed, would I have been able to find the “right” job, or would I have performed better and kept the jobs I had?
Peter Kramer wrote “Against Depression.” One chapter resounds with me still, the story of a chronically depressed woman who drifted from job to job for which she was overqualified. The poor quality of her life exacerbated her depression and Kramer predicted that the problem would spiral. No, there was not a happy ending. Kramer wrote about how her depression suppressed her brain function. She might decline like that all her days.
In Kramer’s own words “Depression is associated with brain disorganization and nerve-cell atrophy. Depression appears to be progressive — the longer the episode, the greater the anatomical disorder.” (http://www.nytimes.com/2005/04/17/magazine/17DEPRESSION.html)
With a disorganized brain and atrophied nerves, I do not trust myself to make a good job decision. (I have jumped feet-first into three jobs lately and regretted them.)
That said, I am grateful for four things:
1) I get my antidepressants for $4 at Wal-Mart
2) I found this blog so I can unload my feelings
3) my Al-Anon group is very helpful
4) I am not wearing body armor in Iraq
Thanks for letting me share
June 17th, 2008 at 8:28 pm
Hi Katherine,
I agree about the ’save job option’ it is quite a trap to fall in… no one knows it’s there, but me, and when I looked at it and it’s long it’s more of a reason to beat myself up. It was definitely a huge hurdle during my last job search.
My husband came up with a really great checklist and everyday he walks through the steps to be sure that he doesn’t miss a single search engine and then catches all of the job boards where he has saved jobs.
He is a carpenter and finds many of his posts on Craig’s list now… if he doesn’t act the first day it’s usually gone when he goes back through his saved jobs bookmarks… so he started being more methodical.
Not that I can get him to use JibberJobber… but his pile of legal pads and notebooks and post it’s with company names is a different post.
I hope you find a rhythm that helps quiet your pace and helps you focus.
June 18th, 2008 at 8:38 am
You know what I’m finding most depressing (and annoying) about my job search? The great listings that turn out to be lead generators for MLM or “work at home” businesses. Craig’s List used to be a great place to find hidden jobs, now it’s more of a listing for MLM opportunities. I think that’s when I get most depressed, after finding a great job listing, getting a response only to find out they want me to spend money I don’t have to make them money.
Every job board has them, but at least the ones on Monster and CareerBuilder are more obvious. Just this morning I found five new listings on Craig’s List that I got excited about — every one of them turned out to be for the same opportunity!
Does anyone have any suggestions for a job boards for administrative work — I’ve ben an EA for over 5 years and without my degree it seems I’m stuck in that role, especially withthe salary considerations I ihave.
June 18th, 2008 at 10:40 am
I feel better already.
Cynthia, on one of my rare networking forays I went to a CraigsList meeting. They told me they know about the spamming problem and are trying to fight it, especially by limiting the HTML that posters can use. I fight it, too, by flagging any posts that come up more than once in 48 hours, per CraigsList guidelines. I do see a small improvement. I encourage you to do the same thing.
Cynthia, what metro area are you looking in? BTW I have learned that there is federal and state money earmarked to send the unemployed back for more training if it is related to their past field. In NJ if you are 30 credits or fewer short of your AA or BA you can attend classes for free. Check with your unemployment office for more info (even if you are not receiving unemployment benefits). I hope this helps.
Also, I once worked at a college career office. A lot of companies posted administrative jobs with the college. Depending on the school, you might be able to look there.
Nancy B., thanks for the kick in the pants.
Katharine
June 18th, 2008 at 11:04 am
Katharine: Thanks for the advice, I’ll try it. I’m looking in the DFW area of Texas.
Some good news: I just received a random call from a headhunter and am off to an actual interview. First nibble in two weeks. I’m excited and thinking positively.
June 18th, 2008 at 11:24 am
Knock ‘em dead, Cynthia! Good luck to you!
June 18th, 2008 at 11:45 am
Congratulations! I just had a call back, ironically, from CraigsList. She said she would present my resume to the client and get back to me.
Have you tried OfficeTeam? If you put me down as a reference I will split the bounty with you, ha ha.
June 18th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
Cynthia,
On any job board you are probably going to see some positions that look really good but may be something totally different. I would suggest looking at Indeed.com or SimplyHired.com as two other job boards. I use them both, and with a few exceptions have found them to be very good with very little spam or MLM.
June 19th, 2008 at 8:32 am
TO NANCY B.
One, I never pointed out anyones failings? Where did you come up with that.??? Second, They did not think I was building positive work Relationships - If that was the real problem they should say so, not talk in CRYPTIC. You have painted inaccurate picture. Just Curious, Have you evere worked in corporate AMerica. THe one where you work inside at your desk all day and report to a boss?
More plausible theory is that since General Council (attorney and my boss) was removed from his position and moved out of legal BECAUSE he was imcompetent - he took me down with him. WHY - because he could and he is eveil. It was officially annouced in January. I was terminated January 6.
Second plausible theory is that I was only meant to be there during the busy last quarter, Sept - Dec. I was hired and trained in August. The legal department was re-structured effective Jan 1 and GC was removed, another attorney hired in December, and they were in the hiring process for a new GC.
They had every opportunity to terminate me beforehand if they were UNHAPPY with me or my work. They did not and contued to invest more money in me. I received Health Benefits after 60 days and I recieved a x-mas bonus of $1200, then I was terminated, AFTER the busy quarter was over, with no reason per se, and give a 4 week severance.
Basically I will never know for sure. ANd since I do have 2 plausible theories , I am letting it go. Thank you.
June 19th, 2008 at 8:52 am
Dear Unlucky,
I apologize if I have offended you. I have been in global process improvement business in several sectors during my 15 year career. My suggestions came from personal experiences with the methods of inefficient people who resort to ‘cryptic’ political means to remove those that point out their failings.
I am sorry that you felt the need to personally attack me. I was only trying to help.
June 19th, 2008 at 9:05 am
NANCY B.
I did ask for open criticism. I am happy that you made the “relationship” between CRYPTIC and pointing out others failings. I did not point out anyone else’s failings> I just simply saw it and experienced it. AND , I guess the company CEO did too. Sometimes the incompetent get “found out” , In this case , GC was removed out of legal to a completely different, one in which his talents are best applicable.
June 19th, 2008 at 9:05 am
Unlucky: it reads as though you are still very bitter about being let go. I agree it makes no sense and it’s a painful process to go through. It also reads as thought you believe there is no possible way you could have done anything wrong or done anything better. When your boss spoke cryptically, did you ask for clarification?
For example, in my situation I was laid off without severance. However, the company gave me 4 weeks notice and allowed me to look for work using any vacation time I had left. I could easily sit back and blame them and be bitter. I never had a negative performance review, I had been at the company for 18 months and never received coaching or counseling. My boss spoke cryptically at times and occasionally would withhold information. I saw the writing on the wall and yet I didn’t change anything I was doing. Was I doing anything wrong? No, but I’m sure I could have done something differently. Would that have saved my job? I don’t know, but it might have. My point is that the company isn’t 100% blameworthy. Some of that has to sit on my shoulders. Relationships were important in my company as well. Even though I had great relationships with various people, they were not the key people. Ultimately that became my downfall.
You were told that relationships were key in your company. If you needed clarification, you should have asked. Granted you were only there a short time and most legal positions don’t leave a lot of time for socializing or developing relationships, but it can be done. I really am very sorry that you had that experience, but I think you need to look internally as well. It will help you as you move forward. Maybe you were perfect and your former boss was an ass, but maybe there was something you could have changed. Just my opinion and I mean no disrespect at all.
June 19th, 2008 at 9:13 am
NANCY B-
UGH - I memorey just passed through my head. When I was sharing a spce in Asst. Gen Council, who was great, He advised me that everything said in his office is CONFIDENTIAL. That was meant most towards company private information (co was privately owned) that I might become privy to. BUt, of course it meant anything said. They should do that when you start there.
By late mid-December, asst GC came into his office muttering ” I sometimes wonder if anyone knows what theyare doing here” Of course I knew that that was not to go out of the office.
Unfortunately, I shall call him MR B came in the office to chat with Ast GC and I , for some DUMB reason, slipped it out in a joking manner. Not cool. I knew it at the moment I said it. Mr. B> do not trust him and is being groomed by CEO - COuld very well told higher ups. And that would not be good. Maybe that did me in, who knows.
June 19th, 2008 at 9:20 am
NANCY B-
GEEZ- you just went let go of this. YES NAncy B I did ask for clarification. I got no response. notta.
The deal is simply this - I do not know what I did wrong or why I ws terminated. OK. I investigate possibilities that “others” might see that I missed. SO far, your input has not proved fruitful either.
June 19th, 2008 at 9:21 am
Further, NANCY B - I asked if any of my work had to be redone- NO, Was my job in jeaporadyNO.
June 19th, 2008 at 9:23 am
MY boss, was simply Incompetent, in many areas of the law that he needed to know. And he ws removed from his position in Jan 1, probably very end of December.
June 19th, 2008 at 9:27 am
NANCY B. - Did you have a chance to read the “theories” that I posted, as follow-up?
June 19th, 2008 at 9:32 am
NANCY B. I am not saying I am perfect. No one is.
What I am saying is that it was nover made clear what the problem was. The RElationships was used broad and vauge - and remained a Cryptic speech.
In 10 years as a Paralegal, I have never experienced anything like it. I always knew what was going down and why.
This co. kept the problem in some secret code - or it was part of a general set-up. Secret codes I cannot crack and they chose not to clarify - leaves on at a loss,
June 19th, 2008 at 9:39 am
Sorry - some of these comments are comments back to Cynthia. SO- the above responses are to Nancy B and CYNTHIA-
Bitter is not the issue - I was searching for an outside thought that might shed light.
THE MAN - not on this board - who posed the theory of bing used for the busy quarter - his theory makes sense. Can’t be proved - just is plausible as a possibilty.
My theory that GC took me down with him - also plausible , not provable.
Just trying to make sense of it all.
June 19th, 2008 at 9:40 am
Sorry - some of these comments are comments back to Cynthia. SO- the above responses are to Nancy B and CYNTHIA-
Bitter is not the issue - I was searching for an outside thought that might shed light.
THE MAN - not on this board - who posed the theory of bing used for the busy quarter - his theory makes sense. Can’t be proved - just is plausible as a possibilty.
My theory that GC took me down with him - also plausible , not provable.
Just trying to make sense of it all. Have you ever been terminated with a 4 week severance package - and not known what the hey happened.
June 19th, 2008 at 9:49 am
CYNTHIA -
YES, I did ask for CLARIFICATION on cryptic speech. I got notta.
ANd the CRYPTIC came after 6 weeks. I am still learning the ropes and more ropes in the midst of a very busy face-paced last quarter.
I am still learning who is who, nevermind what do they do. Love it . It rhyms.
IF they will not tell you what the problem is - it cannot be corrected. I am not a mind-reader. Although that is a useful skill workng in legal.
June 19th, 2008 at 9:58 am
NANCY B.
You made the statement that I pointed out (my boss’s) failings.?
Very curious. Where do you read that.??
June 19th, 2008 at 9:59 am
Comments are great. Just back them up - so they make sense.
June 19th, 2008 at 10:07 am
CYNTHIA-
I did worry that I had done something wrong. and it was in motion. I wondered to no end after that CRYPTIC talk.
I was deep in the work - and I could not figure it out.
I was terminated and still do not know. It messes with the mind. It simply does. HOW CAN ONE learn from his/her mistakes if they do not know what they are.
AND you ask for clarification after the CRYPTIC and you get notta.
Sure - The only thing I knew at that point was THIS IS not good.
How do I solve the unknown. Why do they keep me till the quarter ends and it gets real quiet., then let me go.
June 19th, 2008 at 10:10 am
YES, I got another job - 1 year after I was trminated.
Paralegal for another corporation.
The dynamic were different, the personalities were much lighter. I did not come home from work with giant headaches due to cryptic talk.
SOmetimes it is not a good fit. HR will say that.
Sometimes it is not working out. HR will say that.
I did not even get that. I got confusion from HR at termination.
June 19th, 2008 at 10:17 am
UNLUCKY: What you really have to come to terms with is that you will NEVER know why you were let go. You can assume that you were brought in to finish all the work and then let go. Or you can assume that the Company changed directions, it had nothing to do with you and you were simply an unfortunate casualty.
Either way there is something to be learned. Only you can figure out what the lesson for you is.
In the meantime, try to stop analyzing, replaying, deciphering, and questioning. It will only continue to mess with your mind. Move forward and consider yourself well rid of bad company. The bright side is that for a few months you had insurance, got a bonus and got severance.
Good luck in trying to get through the morass.
June 19th, 2008 at 10:21 am
NANCY B-
Who are the “theys”
Do you realize that you are saying that “I pointed out others failings, that I did not pay attention to others, and that I did not back others Ideas.?
To get to the bottom of something , you ask question- not make unfounded statments not back ed up by information.
June 19th, 2008 at 10:37 am
WHAT I should have done - it just came to me. WAS put on my cover letter that DUE TO A RE_STRUCTUERE of the legal department, I am seeking employment.
This is good inofrmation for everyone.
That was the reason I gave when asked. ANd I mentioned 4-week severeance. Period.
June 19th, 2008 at 10:42 am
CYNTHIA
Well said. Ijust thought someone else might see somthing I missed. I will never know. AND to this day I do not., nor went I left the building. which is highly unusual. As were my mixed messages from my bosses. bad from GC. Great from asst. GC. THE end.
I do think that if you do make a comment, as NANCY B. did, they should answere to where they came up with it, not say I did this ,and this and this. WIth no information or imploed information to support the comment. OR that they said it wrong.
June 19th, 2008 at 10:46 am
CYNTHIA
Well said. Ijust thought someone else might see somthing I missed. I will never know. AND to this day
June 19th, 2008 at 10:58 am
Dear Unlucky,
I have been in organizations where directors and business managers were skirting the rules, creating wasteful projects, and flying under the radar collecting bonuses.
My role was to streamline the processes they participated in and change the way both they personally and others in thier role worked on a daily basis.
The thanks I recieved was to have my manager (Sr Dir), and his manager (Ex. Dir), and the CIO (VP) pelted with accusations that I was not a team player, did not communicate, and was damaging the organization.
Did they use those words, nope, they used very carefully scrubbed phrases that could not be seen as pointing to my gender or my age or my nationality. I was very lucky that all in the chain saw it for what it was and we had several very enjoyable lunches laughing over the attempts to stop progress.
Again, I have been commenting on my personal experiences, not yours.
June 19th, 2008 at 10:59 am
After that job, it took me a year to land a permanent position, and in that year I lost so much money. The stress. was bad. The next job I did get, I was out of ther in 6 months BECAUSE the company could nto make payroll. NO- you cannot find that information out beforehand.
MOre emotion drama and more monetary loss. I was in Miami. I had to return home a year or so later.
By now my family thinks for sure there is something wrong with me. No wonder.
Got job at hometown, had to get out of it in 6 months, Insane amout of stress. Got another job and 3 months into it , my position was eliminated, the boss got a better job .
The stress and pressure from family. IN the end, it all caused a major meltdown.
WOrse scenario - yu can have a mayor meltdown or become homeless.
On the Positive - Bright side of life, you can soon get a good landing, with a few minimal bumps along the way.
My “STORY” did not turn out well. BUT that job was the only job I never knew why I was not there.
June 19th, 2008 at 11:04 am
Thank you Nancy B.
Very intersting .DID they terminate you?
June 19th, 2008 at 11:08 am
NANCY B.
YOu got pelted, you went out to lunch and laughed about it. NOW WHAT.
How does the story end???
June 19th, 2008 at 11:19 am
MARIA
I feel for you. Keep breathing and wake up every day. That is intense.
I do not listen to the news or read the news papers. I will get one upset and more scared, if you are unemployed. It will fuel fears into your mind.
THE economy is in bad time. And if we get a Democrat in the HOUSE, the direction will turn for the better hopefully, but the wheels are slow to move - beurocracy.
June 19th, 2008 at 11:24 am
AMEMA -
Great Comment. Very valuable.
That is what I did. I would be down at unemployment job searching and using their resources, I would just get bummed, start going negative. SO, I would pack up an leave quickly, and change directions and do something else. I swear., Laundry became theropeutic.
June 19th, 2008 at 11:42 am
NANCY B
Somewhere, somehow someone thought you were not building positive relationships.
AGREED. BUT with who, what was I doing wrong, more important how I to correct it.
I knew the CRYPTIC talk ws not good, and it was a message. They went to vague, broad and cryptic.
It remained a mystery, so I could not fix it, but I could and did do my job.
June 19th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
ERIK
Cool post.
Since the day of the hunters and gathers, the goal of man has been to survive. At that point in time, survial only entailed food, shelter, clothing, bearing children and finding the Medicine Man.
In todays, mult-faced, fast- paced, global and computers et al, man’s goal remains survival. In order to survive in todays world, man must make money for necessary transaction to purchase shelter, food, and the Medicine Man now evolved to our Doctors, MD. and specialist MD.
When man is left with no job to make the money to pay for his essential needs to survive, man is in limbo as to what to do. And probably in need of the MEDICINE Man.
In the days of hunters and gathers, the men grouped together to survive. In todays society, man is shunned when he has no job, no money, and soon maybe no hunny. Man may need to go back to the basic and again use his hands to get work. In todays society, it is survival of the fittest, and everyman for himself. THe friends in the group run away from man and shun him, which man again in limbo and confusion. This is because man is by nature a gregarious fellow.
Indeed, unemployment is the hidden cost of capitalism. The economy is cyclical and when man lose his job, MAN, once again , must return to Hunting and Gathering. THE baics of survival 101.
June 19th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
THe above commentary is property of kmm.
June 19th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
Dear Unlucky,
The ‘end’ of the story… the CIO retired… the VP transitioned to a different role in another division… the Dir was let go in a massive layoff… I transfered to another group and eventually followed several former collegues to another company.
June 20th, 2008 at 5:38 am
NANCY B
RE: the end. Thank you. Great Story and Great ending.
No temination and another place lined up. Success.
June 21st, 2008 at 5:27 am
NANCY B.
I just re-read your original post. Great post. YOu have been thorugh the ropes and have come up on top. - Employed. Both you and your husband. Great news
June 21st, 2008 at 6:14 am
NANCY B.
On your first job - reason for termination was: company could not make payroll, no money (lack of funs to pay employee. It is just that simple.
I have been there. Only my company refused to pay me, and of course refused to pay backwages. Why , company could not make payroll. Money going out, no money coming in. The whole company was under investigation by Wage and hour dept for not making payroll on many complaints filed with Wage and Hour. I learned that when I went there. I filed in small claims and after 3 months, got into court and finally got all my money due. FOr those 3 months, it went thorugh hati. I never re-covered - eventually had to leave Miami and return home in financial ruin.
Your second job. The Reason is : contract expired. From my limed knowledge of Contract LAw as a Paralegal, They are under no obligation to RE-New the COntract, unless the clause is in the Contract. If Company needs are not there to substantiate your continued employment., YOu or anyone is out of a JOb. Just that simple. It was obvious. Contract employers are exactly that.
Just for your information. Good to hear things are now in order. You both survived.
June 23rd, 2008 at 6:41 am
TO NANCY B and CYNTHIA-
Reply to comment:
someone thought I was not building “positive relationships” in the company.
WELL SAID.
I would characterize my “relationship” with my Big Boss, General Council (GC) as UNcomfortable at times and awkward. Any negative came from him, not me.
When I am listening to GC, trying to explain something to me, and he gets LOST and FLUSTERED, it is n awkward and uncomfortable, at best. It happens because he is INCOMPETENT. ANd I just sit there, and live through the awkwardness. ONE TIME, GC did it to outside council, and I later had cause to speak to outside counci, who said something about GC sure does get flustered. I said, oh, you noticed that.
When he spouts Negative COMMents to me, it is uncomfortable.
ALL the while, as I start to see, the CEO has caught onto his INCOMPETENCE, GC is removed from legal dept to another dept. dept, and GC Is Replaced End of December.
MY term of employment was August to January 6.
HOWEVER, while all this is going on, WHY DO THEY NOT terminate me, if I am such a bad employee. Instead, company keeps me there, rewards me monetarily, and THEN, On January 6, terminates me, when the buzy time ends.
At same time of my termination, GC is removed from his position. HE probably took me down with him.
There were attempts at set-ups which I managed to escape, and then there was the final set-up meant to stick.
SO , I did learn something - but nothing I could prevent. When the relationship between Boss and Employee is awkward , Nothing you can do about it. Yu do not know what is going on. On one hand, they keep rewarding you monetarily, and then GC still is giving you NEgative output.
Confusing, at best.
June 24th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
Here is some interesting news about how depression clouds judgment:
Sad people will sell for a lower price and pay a higher price than non-sad people.
Social psychologist Jennifer Lerner made subjects sad by showing them a sad movie. She showed the control group a neutral movie.
Then she gave each subject a list and asked how much they would sell or buy a various items for. The “sad” group consistently bid higher and sold lower than the control group.
(I don’t know about you, but I have felt for years that I should be asking for higher wages.)
This is in an interesting book called “Yes! 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Persuasive” by Noah J. Goldstein, Steve J. Martin and Robert B. Cialdini. The authors’ recommendation was that before negotiations people should concentrate only on numbers.
Maybe knowing about this study will help us all to go easier on ourselves.
June 24th, 2008 at 7:51 pm
thank you so much for this. I have been looking for a graduate job for 3 months now in my home country after being away for 10 years and one of the worse things is this feeling of loneliness, that you are the only one in this situation when everyone else [seems] to be doing great. It’s good to know that there are many people out there that actually feel the same.
I really admire all the postings here that give insight into how truly traumatic the job transition stage can be, and that in spite, there is no need to be ashamed. Also, how being jobless affects indeed every other aspect of your life, relationships, friendships, etc.
We shouldn’t forget the bigger picture, there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel, or like the Spanish song says, the sun goes up for everyone, maybe just on different days
June 25th, 2008 at 8:53 am
” Depression clouds everything and makes everything you look at negative. Your world is no longer
colourful and bright but grey and black and nothing seems exciting any more. Your thoughts have changed what you see and feel. In the same way your negative thoughts can create anxiety about situations you didn’t fear before.
In the same way severe anxiety can lead to depression, after all if your life is crippled by fear then you will not be happy or positive in your mind. Anxiety depression mind. These three are connected. Your mind is the key because the answer, along with any necessary treatment or medication, to recovery from anxiety or depression lies there.” [quote from depression-helper.com]
It makes sense.
June 25th, 2008 at 8:58 am
TO DAVE
The bright side is : you are employed.
This is a bad economic climate. The reports are that the county has continued to lose jobs since January, every month.
AT this time, it is best to hold onto a job, until this blows over.
June 25th, 2008 at 9:07 am
Salary negotiation when the number is put on the table is easy. Yu go higher, and wait for the counter.
BUT ,when you are in desperate need of the job, and the offer is suitable, I take the offer and do not negotiate. Best next thing, is prove yourself and later , negotiate for higher number, evidencing proof of you work accomplishments.
June 26th, 2008 at 11:50 am
Hi Everyone!
During this time, I strongly believe you HAVE to take a day off from the search or go crazy! Since money is a problem, what are some of the things you do for fun, to just escape? (I think someone mentioned they had a ‘movie day’.) What do YOU do?
June 26th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
TO LINDA AND EVERYONE
THe vacation from the jobsearch. THis time of year, get out in nature, it calms the body. Put your feet in a creek.
Long walks - near nature. calms the head.
Bicycle riding, stay out of malls - it makes you want to buy.
I did movie day, all day long - rentals. GEt the right flicks, and escape. Escapism is what you need.
Laundry, theoputic. Hang clothes outside.
July 12th, 2008 at 3:01 am
TO DAVE and AMANDA
WOW - I just re-read your comments. I feel your pain. I have lived it. Horrible, horrible, H….H….. situation it is. The understatement.
We are alone, in that no can help us really- but this board is great to get it out there - it is a least a temporary distraction while you are writing the living nightmare - you and myself have found ourselves in. Friends disappear and will no longer even listen to you. It is cruel. We get left with no one to talk to - Me I am single.
Personally, I am anti-therapist. The only good ones are “COGNITIVE” therapist - and again you have to find the right fit. What we need is money and they can’t pay our rent, mortgage etc - so what can they really do. If you do happen to find a good one , to at least talk to- that is a good thing.
BUT they can be trouble to. I find yourself getting upset at “thearpy”, [lets face it folks, this is distressing and upsetting situation tme] they write you up in their notes as ANGRY. And that can lead to bad repercussions for your - so beware. That is why I do not go to one. AT least on here, I can smoke and drink my de-caff coffee to help with the stress, INStead of being cornered in a room with a therapist and no tools to help me deal with my stress.
At least this board offers us somewher to write it out, WHEN we need to at that moment. WHEN things get bad, you need someone to talk to RIGHT NOW. Not next week at your scheduled therapist meeting. Because at that point - the “friends” disapear and cease to listen. It is cruel - but an unfortunate fact of life.
I myself, afte recovering from a 14 month nervous breakdown January ‘07, from job loss, and still not fully recovered - I am not facing EVICTION. I am on disability and cannot to afford to have another breakdown. When things went to the extreme of bad- I had to move into a Private house, a small rowhouse with another working female. I moved in November 1, 2005. Diaganosed “Sick” December 6, 2005. The breakdown had happened. From way too much stress, abandonement from family, and now unable to work. I finally got DIsability 4/2007.
The Homeowner I live with is a full blown ALCOHOLIC, yu find that out after you get there. [yeah shehas a ful-time job] SHE had to come hoem from work early today, ALCHOLIC sick. Of course, by 4:40 pm she had to get out of the house to DRINK and is at some guys place tonight.
I have lived through several FIRES she stared - drinking and cooking- AND when these fires start- she does nothing and I am left to deal with it. Bottom line - she cares nothing about safety. BOttome line, she is evicting me , due to a safety issue- FIRST written notice came today, registed mail.
My Family has one again abandoned me . It is all my fault, according to them. BUT they are finger pointers and always kick the dog when it is down. That is their MO.
I am very worried about my heath right now. I have been a wreck since the safety issue of June 18, 2008 - and her following verbal threats that she wants me out of here. It took me 4-6 weeeks to find this place and I was living in a motel, with no one to bother me. NOW, I live in hell000000 again, with a nightmare landlord in the house stressing me out.
ALL these doctors can do is now is DRUG you up. - great, stop gap, BUT when you have to take so many, it is not safe to drive, so I don’t.
IF I had money - I would never be here to begin with and second, I would be out of her in a flash.
LIFE is something else , especially when it keeps handing you - WHAT has been wriiten on the forum.
Yes, I contacted an attorney, landlord-tenant attorney, of course. THey will be handling the matter, as far as I know, as of Thursday. IT just never ends for me.
AND I know some of you folks are living your own nightmare. I know it all, when it comes to nightmares
SO- thanks for the FORUM. WHEN you need to talk, RIGHt NOW - at least we can get it out here. No one else is listening.
July 14th, 2008 at 6:45 am
GOOD NEWS:
PRESIDENT BUSH JUST RECENTLY SIGNED THE EXTENTION BILL.
Quote from the Press: THE EXTENTION COVERS PEOPLE EXHAUSTING BENEFITS BETWEEN NOVEMBER 2006 AND MARCH 2009
Notices are being sent out- make sure you follow-up yourself and apply.
13-week extention. do not get a p/t job before you get your extention.
I have helped plenty on this forum, got to go now.
July 29th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
Thanks, Jason. Funny to think that you weren’t certain if this would get any responses! I’ve actually set an appointment to talk with a doctor, today about stress, anxiety, and mental ugliness. Interesting to come across this post at this time.
Something that has helped me in the past was looking up some famous people who suffered depression. Drew Carey has been quite open about his struggles. Those who are prone to depression are actually some of the most creative people on the planet; some say this is because their perspectives are more well rounded than others. If we can take these good points and the stories of others, it can be a big help.
It’s also very embarrassing to seek help, for most. For me it has been. It’s like some admission of weakness. My part-time employer understands when another employee ends up in the hostpital for challenges with bloodflow; but a mental challenge is often seen as weak; unnecessary; or made-up. Perhaps an excuse, or being lazy. If it’s not seen like that by others (as society seems to have had much more exposure to this sort of thing), it’s still easy to see this in ourselves.
There’s good news, tho. Often, there are some methods or practises available today that weren’t around even 10 years ago. People in my family have suffered PTSD and other forms of depression or anxiety. Some have been able to start on some medications, sort of ‘train’ their bodies and minds using these, and then ween themselves off. For others, there are indeed imbalances in the hormones, liver, thyroid, etc. that, when assisted, can help folks function normally (or much closer to normal - whatever that is).
Well, the other night I woke my wife up because I was concerned as to the direction of my own thoughts; and where they might lead. I made her promise that if I didn’t call and ask for some assistance, she would. That was a great move - as when we’re feeling ‘normal’, we’re in control. There doesn’t seem to be a problem at all; certainly nothing that we can’t handle. Yet, when we’re feeling low, we don’t feel empowered to do much of anything; including reaching out for help.
If things are getting tough, and you and your family (and job, if you have one or are looking for one) are affected, make a promise to yourself to call a doctor’s office. Then, keep that promise. My best to you, whoever is reading this. You’re important.
–Dave
July 30th, 2008 at 12:16 am
Indeed this is a timely topic. The small company I worked for downsized and I was “let go”. From the start I felt surprisingly teary-eyed. I was a little shocked, anxious, sad…so many feelings. Being the one in the company with a finger constantly on the pulse of the financial condition, I knew for some time the “downsizing” would occur and that my job would be on the chopping block. Why then the rush of emotion now that it has occured? I am so sensitive to criticism of any kind now. I have a fear deep in my gut that does not go away. My mind is reeling. I have thoughts, feelings, and reactions that are not indicative of typical me. Just as some of the others that have posted here, I have faced the end of a relationship (one week before losing the job), and a death in the family (two weeks before losing the job). You go from working all the time…in early out late, weekends, canceling vacations, the whole nine…to…suddenly, nothing. It suddenly comes to a screeching halt. It is almost overwhelming. There are so many emotions to work through. All the while you try to put on a happy face. You feel shame too, that you were let go and so you don’t share the news with people close to you. You keep it to yourself because you don’t want to burden the minds of those you love. You try to move forward, but the swirling thoughts and emotions prove difficult to penetrate. It is a real phenomenon and although I do not wish the experience on another person, It does help to hear from others that share similar experiences with the loss of employment. Loss is real.
July 31st, 2008 at 9:14 pm
TO DAVE:
Good post. Look up Mike Wallace and depression. He speaks very openly about it.
Depression and anxiety. Two nasty animals. When unemployed, you are rejected by society, and you are worried about money. (see my post about SURVIVAL.
Yes, we lose a job, then after time, we lose control over our life becausee are “routine” of life does not exist - plus the big, big issue of money.
FIrst you are depressed, then you are anxious which leads to constant anxiety. The weird thng is that when you are in this anxious state, fighting to survive, you may also have underlying depression, unknown to you.
THe mind can only handle so much, and if it goes on overload, it shuts down, your body shuts down - and it is not fun. I love your term “mental uglyness-. you see, once yu get a job, this too shall pass.
There is a great medication called “Buspar”, a non-addictive anxiety drug. Ask you doctor about it. Takes a few weeks to work, feel wierd for 20 minutes after you take it, then goes away, then stops all together. Just make sure that whatever doc prescribes, your dose is not too high. THey do that, lots of them.
the good thng for you is your p/t job. It helps give stability and routine bak into your life.
Good luck, and you will be ok.
July 31st, 2008 at 9:19 pm
TO PERPLEXED
Woh - yu have been hit by a lot of “biggies” - All of your emotions are natural and normal, but certainly uncomfortable, to say the least.
I say go to you primary physician to get stabilized. It will only be temporary till yu land a job, and get through all the rest.
August 5th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
Hey, I’m really depressed about my jobless situation. There are no jobs out there that I’m even remotely interested in and feel there is no place, no niche in the employment world for me. I’m not motivated to job hunt or apply anywhere. I hate the jobs that ARE out there; I would not survive. What I would enjoy doing, there is nothing available or it pays diddly f. shit for wages on which I could not survive, much less live. What to do? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. All is inanity.
August 5th, 2008 at 6:35 pm
SMoriah — how about dropping the “I am interested” part, and focus on making a living first.
I think we often care about our feelings more than our stomachs, hence our suffering.
Good luck.
August 5th, 2008 at 10:08 pm
Hanover,
You’re not very sympathetic, are you? Where are your feelings? From your statement, you’d rather eat and overeat than express yourself emotionally. Right now, I don’t g.a.d. about “making a living” because there’s nothing in the employment world worth all that I am, which includes all of my mind, my emotions, and my physical self.
Where’s your f. support? What do you think this blog is for? Did you not read “I’m really depressed…?” Don’t bother replying to this; I don’t need to hear from you.
August 19th, 2008 at 2:10 pm
I am back to looking for a job. Found something after 7 months out of work but because I was desperate, I took a job with a “startup” company. My advice: don’ t do it! Yes, some startups can be successful, i.e. Google but I found the company to be disorganized, not paying me my expense checks on time, and a lack of good management. Far better to wait for a reputable company that has been around awhile. I should have thought this out before I took the position but I was tired of looking for a job. Three people left within 2 days and the manager became unavailable. Yes, there is always turnover over in companies, but with this company the handwriting was on the wall. You must do your research on a company, ask a lot of questions when you interview. I know it’s difficult because even if you do ask all the right questions, things may not work out. I am going to network and do more research the next time.
August 20th, 2008 at 11:54 am
I was fired eight years ago from a job I thought I would have till retirement. Well, fool that I was, but there you go. At that time I was lucky enough to get another job right away–at much less salary and a hellish commute, but the job itself was less stressful and more satisfying in some ways. But it’s still a blow to the self-esteem, at least for me it was. “What kind of a person fails like that?” That sort of thing.
Now it’s hitting again. Not that I anticipate losing this job, but I can’t even get an interview for anything with a better salary, or closer to home, or reachable by public transportation, or with responsibilities more befitting my long experience. Basically, it’s become crystal clear that in my late fifties, I am unemployable and a complete failure.
If I didn’t have kids who might be saddened and hurt, I think I’d kill myself. In the past I’ve eventually come to think there might still be possibilities, but not any more. Not at my age, with my limitations and defects of character, in this dead-end profession in this sinking economy. It’s the end this time.
Sorry, Jason, I shouldn’t have hijacked the conversation that your excellent post started. (Everyone, please exercise your option to ignore this useless rambling!) Thank you for sharing your experience and your reflections on it.
August 20th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
Rich, I can relate. I will be 59 a week from tomorrow. I’ve been unemployed since April. I have to force myself to keep looking; the rejection is discouraging. I’m at least glad you HAVE a job even though it may not be what you want. Please keep trying though.
August 20th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
Thanks for the kind words, Linda, I appreciate it. It’s very hard to keep going in both our circumstances, and I respect greatly that you keep forcing yourself. Strength and good luck to you.
August 20th, 2008 at 7:54 pm
I have an Ivy League degree and an MBA. I finished the MBA in May and am still looking, and a lot of my classmates are in the same boat. One of them finished in December and hasn’t found anything permanent yet. At first I wasn’t worried - hey, I have an MBA, good experience, I’m 28 so I have a little knowledge but there’s still plenty to teach me, plus I have the energy to work long hours, etc. And I had a savings cushion to use (single, no husband to support me). That’s just about gone now. I have credit card debt, which I have never had before. My student loans are in their grace period, so at least I’m not responsible for them yet, but when I am, I’ll probably have to take an economic hardship deferment. I had to borrow September’s rent from my family, which I hate - don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful that they are able to help, but I am a VERY proud person and don’t like asking for help. I barely buy groceries and I walk everywhere so I don’t have to spend money on the subway (I live in NYC). I have insomnia from the stress - even Ambien, which used to work wonders, doesn’t help. I’m on all the job boards, I am a champion networker … still I have many days where my phone is totally silent. I’ve had four interviews and one offer that I declined for several reasons, plus about a million informational/networking interviews.
The worst thing? I can’t even get a job temping. I’m not proud when it comes to work - I’ll file your papers, I’ll Xerox your stuff, I’ll do your data entry. But no one wants an admin temp with an MBA; I’m overqualified. So that sends me into a spiral of “I have this top-notch education and I can’t even get a job making copies. I must be a failure.” The one slightly bright spot is that I have a freelance project, but it doesn’t pay enough to live on and I just started it and I only get paid once a month, so I haven’t seen money yet. I think I’ll have to dust off the bartending license I got in college (and haven’t used since).
One thing that does help is exercise. I still have my gym membership and take a spinning class; it helps to see people and to establish a little routine. And the weather has been nice here, so it’s been good to get outside and go for a run, get the endorphins going.
August 21st, 2008 at 3:28 am
Hi, everybody, I have been looking forward to the day when I could tell you that I have a new job, after my depressing entry on June 17. I sincerely hope that many of the people sharing their feelings on this board forget to return and tell us when their lives start looking up again.
After a recent string of job disasters I find it hard to trust my boss. I’ve been there since the beginning of last week and I can’t get over the feeling that he wants to replace me. I chalk that up to my own jaded perception and hope I will get over it.
Anyway, I’m grateful to be working, and I wish you all well in your searches.
August 21st, 2008 at 2:31 pm
Great news, Katherine! I assume you meant, “I sincerely hope that many of the people sharing their feelings on this board forget to return and tell us when their lives start looking up again,” right? It’s a good reminder for all of us. I don’t anticipate it happening in my case, but if it does, I’ll let everyone know and let it be an inspiration–if it turns out that I am able to get an interview and even another job–believe me, it will mean that anyone can!
I think I know the feelings you describe in the second paragraph. And as long as you’re doing your best work and keeping aware of what’s going on around you, I’d say you’re wise to chalk it up to “jaded perception.” Bad experiences really can color your thinking when you’re long since out of the environment those experiences happened in. A few weeks ago, I came back from lunch to find on my chair a big fat envelope from the business office with my name on it. I was flooded with panic and the only thing I could think was, “My God, it’s happening again, they’re firing me.” It turned out to be nothing of the sort, just a routine update on our insurance plan, but for long, tense moments, until I steadied my hands enough to open the envelope and look inside, my conviction was absolute that I was about to see documentation of the grounds for my termination.
You just have to keep those feelings under control and keep reminding yourself that that’s not the external reality, I think.
August 21st, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Oh, for Pete’s sake. What I *meant* to say in that second sentence was:
I assume you meant, “I sincerely hope that many of the people sharing their feelings on this board *don’t* forget to return and tell us when their lives start looking up again,” right?
Sorry! “Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.”
August 23rd, 2008 at 4:51 am
Thanks for clarifying, Rich. What I meant to say was “I hope that people ARE FORGETTING” (present imperfect instead of subjunctive, thank you, Mme. Dispas) I don’t see a lot of people coming back and saying, “Thanks, everyone, for your support. I got a job and you will, too.” I hope that means that people who post here about their depression all get jobs that keep them so busy that they cannot dash back and post their good news.
For the future, I wish that people *would not* forget to share their good news.
I wish you all well with your searches. I will continue to follow your posts.
August 25th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
Congratulations, Katharine! I will definitely come back here with any good news.
Rich, glad you are hanging in. I know it’s not easy. After working so hard and working towards certifications etc. on my own time, I feel as if I’ve wasted the last ten yrs. in my field. Intellectually, I know that no amount of education and experience is wasted, but my intellect and self-esteem are on disconnect right now. Does that make sense? I look at my resume and I see all the things I have done, all the skills I have; it just doesn’t make me feel confident in this job market. I’m still fumbling for the key to it all.
August 28th, 2008 at 11:32 pm
I lost my job due to a life crisis and went immediately into depression because I loved my job and thought I’d be there for at least 10 years and it had only been 1. However, I got a call the next day I lost my job from another employer who heard about what happened to me and he hired me on the spot. He let me work part time while on government assistance as I went through recovery for depression and that kept me sane. I don’t think I would have kept moving on without his support. What a blessing he was. I was then able to do research in the medical journals and put a recovery plan together as antidepressants only made things worse for me.
A sense of self worth from having a job and the support of people around me while I did my recovery plan was what got me through!
August 31st, 2008 at 1:04 pm
I am a musician who is out of work and has little to no motivation to work in that field…..I have no experience doing anything else, and I am soon turning to be 50 years old…..I have no other job experience. I don’t even know where to start…..it’s been very difficult just getting out of bed……
September 1st, 2008 at 8:03 pm
Hi Ray,
With your life of music, what has accompanied it? Long hours? Perhaps drugs? Alcohol? Major stress? Knowing musicians myself, I have observed what comes with this lifestyle. Like a hamster on a wheel, you can begin to feel like you’re going nowhere fast.
Sleep deprivation, lack of sunshine, lack of exercise and proper diet can easily attribute to this. Would this perhaps be a part of your routine?
September 2nd, 2008 at 10:12 am
I understand, over a year ago I lost my job. To say it came as a surprise is putting it mildly. I was brought in by my boss to help develop a dept that was needed. I think I must have done my job to well. My boss had no management experience only supervisory experience and she was use to being micro managed. She was floundering with no direction. Before we all lost our job I got with my boss told her what we needed to save the dept. processes, forms, and I even set up what job assignments I would give each of the people in our department if I was over the department, which she adopted. This dept went on for 3 years, with me putting in 50-60 hours a week, having to come up and learning ways to store our information on the computer, ways in which to keep our department viable and important, which was hard etc. Looking back I can tell when my boss and two of her favorites started undermining me, 8 months before I was laid off I was left off some of the calls I should have been on. They had me creating sites and setting up different things that were useless. Branding me as a person who hurt others feelings. It is so ironic, to be so devoted an employee, to put so much into a job, to come home crying so many times because I was having to work with a boss that was so unfair, she had a crush on the guy she kept always said “she got her love from him” he is gay but one of her best friends. That I could put up with but he did not do his work, many times I had to report him to her for not doing his job. Knowing she had his back he would do it time after time. The other one she kept was also her best friend, she always bought her food from home, wanted to be like my boss. The woman was actually sick she has a problem with lying, she is a habitual liar. If you did not know her she could convince you of anything. All three took off 3 times a week to go to the tanning bed together. At work we all knew that they were the group together. I lost my mother, mother in-law, brother in-law, aunt and cousin, and my daughters brother-in-law with-in two years, so I knew something was up in the department but had no idea that my boss was setting me up by leaving me completely out of things I should have been involved in. I thought she was just being thoughtful. Anyway it is sure a lesson learned the hard way and has and still is bothering me. For I’m not a person that would promote someone unless they deserved it, and I would never ask someone to stay with me and repeatedly tell them that if it came down to letting people go in the department they would be one of the last one’s to go. Yep I believed her and stayed!!!
September 11th, 2008 at 7:35 am
I have posted here before - I am going on 10 months of being unemployed. I am single, over 50 and living with my kids because I have exhausted all my resources. I have interviewed more than a few times but no offers. Now my credit is in the toilet, I have to ask my adult son for money for shampoo or bread (sometimes he is nice, oftentimes he is mean reminding me that my whole life I have not be able to achieve job security) and I am truly and completely out of hope.
As a single person living with family I am not entitled to any state benefits (not that I would take them) and I have no health insurance and a hx of heart disease. Maybe if I am lucky that will solve my problem.
September 12th, 2008 at 10:04 am
@ Depressed = I cannot imagine what it is like living without health care. We in Canada are extremely fortunate. Not sure if you have the Salvation Army where you are at locally but in our part of the world, they are huge on offering a helping hand in so many ways. I encourage you to seek them out. Don’t give up. There are many folks out there wanting to help. Often, I find (from personal experience) that asking for help is the hardest hurdle. Don’t give up. If you can’t get help from your government, look for it in private circles. I find there’s greater help from the little guy.
September 17th, 2008 at 8:50 am
[...] your job hunt) and Deborah Brown-Volkman (get emotional support — see my most commented post: Depression Clouds Everything). In the excellent comments on this post you’ll see advice from Kristine Wirth, Anita [...]
October 2nd, 2008 at 8:36 am
[...] my JibberJobber blog I wrote a post called Depression Clouds Everything and didn’t expect to get any comments. It’s a touchy subject, and I wouldn’t be [...]
October 8th, 2008 at 3:05 am
this is 5th month of me being unemployed but I actually just started my jobhunt last September (2mos) ago. On the first month, I was still bright sun shiny, very hopeful since I am young and my husband can sustain the family. You see I always had a job because I don’t like asking money to buy what I want so having a job is essential for me. I know that my experience is not as harsh like the others but just the same, you feel those surge of emotions that you never felt before. Like I told mu husband that I am gonna walk in and pass my CV to this airline but I kept on making excuses everyday not to go. But deep inside I have this fear which I never felt before that even I have been in the airline industry for 5 years plus the fact that I was a trainer for it, that I would doubt myself. And this is so disheartening. I kind of lost my interest in looking for a job. Currently, I am still in the phase of wearing an occasional happy mask since I was always the light of the house and I have to lit up once in a while to make the house bright and sun shiny. You see my husband didn’t want me to take jobs that are shifting and have weekends because he wants quality time for him and my daughter, which is just right for him to ask. But right not, I am really depressed of having a hard time to look for that kind of job.I don’t want to be like this for a long time because I notice that I am starting to feel sickly like having chronic headaches and nauseous. Hopefully before the year ends, I’ll get something worthy. I feel for ya all who are experiencing hell.
October 17th, 2008 at 6:00 am
[...] have to, need to, track your professional accomplishments. One of the purposes of the post “Depression Clouds Everything” was to say “when you most need a clear mind, it will be clouded by emotions (including [...]
October 18th, 2008 at 10:35 pm
It can be a difficult thing to lose your job and realize that you either need to find another or do your own business. I had to make that choice in 2000 and ended up starting my own food distribution business. It was one of the most challenging things I could have done. I wouldn’t ever recommend jumping into a new business cold turkey, with no income to fall back on… however, after having gone through it, I can say it was one of the greatest learning experiences I could have received, much more so than going through an MBA program and all my other college training combined.
October 20th, 2008 at 8:43 am
Hi Who’s,
I’m so glad it all worked out for you.
I’ve been unemployed for six months now. I’ve found it just so hard to reach out to others, but I’ve learned I’m going to have to if anything is to happen. I’ve been relying on tons of job applications sent out that get no replies and it’s not working. Today I’m making a list of everyone I know to call instead of hiding out in my house. Guess that’s what depression gets you. It’s not going to be easy.
October 24th, 2008 at 9:35 am
[...] was easy to lose perspective. You can read over 200 comments on my Depression Clouds Everything post, which talks about depression in the job search. You can read why having this happen to you [...]
November 6th, 2008 at 9:32 pm
I just read through most of the posts here and it sounds like everything I’ve been through in the past month. My company downsized 10% of the corporate positions and I was one of the lucky 10%. Why I got chosen above other designers in my office, I’ll never know, but it’s depressing. I made a lot of good friends there in the 3 years I was with the company and some of them still call and want to do lunch. I enjoy seeing them, but there is a part of me who is very bitter and sad when I see them. They are still going on with their lives while I’m running around in circles applying for every graphic design job in Omaha (and there aren’t that many). I’m over 40 and I have a feeling that is a major reason I’m not getting any calls. Either that or they want to hire some kid that has a 2 year degree (I have a 4 year) to work for peanuts. So I’m doing my best to keep on moving forward, but there are some days where it’s just tough to keep going. Luckily my husband is employed, so it’s not life or death here, but it is tight and every day that goes by without a call makes me more depressed.
November 9th, 2008 at 10:37 pm
Wow, “Who’s Hiring Right Now”:
That was a big leap from working to owning your own business with no MBA training and no funds to fall back on. I’m glad it was a positive experience for you - difficult, but positive. Sounds like you were able to pick up your bootstraps and not give up while in discouragement before you went into full blown depression. Good for you!
I wouldn’t recommend everyone unemployed and suffering clinical depression to attempt to start a business. There’s no way I could have. I could barely work part time but I see by the comments that I was blessed to have even that.
One thing I did - b/c I was desperate - I went to the library and checked out motivational speakers on CDs. I went for walks and listened to them. I needed something to kick start the dying spirit within me. It was a way to correct the negative thinking that I had succumbed to.
Because I didn’t have a sense of purpose, I almost needed someone to give me one. Like a pep talk from a coach, I needed a fire lit under my butt.
November 26th, 2008 at 7:00 pm
Hi all! I am so glad to have found you all on here! You guys are not alone and now I know I am not alone! have been in my profession for about 3.5 years. I was a good student in school. I was a very hard and dedicated worker at the job. I went the extra mile and did anything humanly possible to get the job done. I was passionate about my work! Recently, I was let go without any legitimate reason. The person who called the shot couldn’t even be there herself to terminate me and had someone else passed the message to me. The person who decided to terminate my employment was someone with a lot of power. You really don’t want to get on her bad side. There is a lot of politics. The people that are in her clique gets promoted quicker than others and they are the favored ones. Anyway, her and I had gotten onto some static over some minor things. I am uncertain if my termination had anything to do with that. But I really don’t think that it was my performance as I’ve been performing well and I would know through my evaluations. As a matter of fact, i was progressing! But all that ended within a blink of an eye. Now I am desperately seeking for work. Did everything humanly possible to find a decent job and make that money again. Went on a few interviews, but they decided to stop hiring until the economy picks up again. I am so depressed! I support my disabled mother and a young sister who is in college. I am in my mid 20s only! I feel like I’ve failed. I spent all my life being perfect at work and school and now that I have nothing, I feel empty! Recenlty, I have thought about suicide. I am afraid of sharp tools, so maybe drugs???? I don’t know anymore. I feel so hopeless, helpless, and lost.
November 28th, 2008 at 1:56 pm
I know, from my own personal experience, that it may seem hopeless and overwhelming right now. However, you are young and your new job may be right around the corner! Please think about it. And, please think about all of Life you still have to live, experience, and enjoy! Suicide has never solved anything and think of your family and consequences. Have you tried any temp agencies or a couple of part-time jobs to keep yourself going?
November 28th, 2008 at 7:50 pm
Holy cow! A stupid job is certainly not worth considering suicide!!! You have a wonderful life to live and how in the world are you ever going to find out how wonderful your life story is going to be if you end it? Look, I’ve been out of work for over 6 weeks now and I am not exactly thrilled about that. The office where I was laid off from was very political as well. The woman who let me go, like your office, made sure her favorites got ahead. So when it came time to decide who to let go because of the economy, it was several of her least favorites…the ones who had a mind of their own. So we’re all in this together! You were a great student. You worked hard. Your resume will show that and you will get a great job! Sometimes it takes months to find that great job. My last job took me 7 months to land! In that time you can’t get down on yourself. You need to remember who you are and how awesome you are. Some business somewhere will be LUCKY to get you and right when you’re starting to enjoy having some time off from working your butt off every day, a great job will come along and you’ll be back in the groove. Maybe this is a good thing and your next job won’t be as politically messed up. That’s what I’m hoping for for myself! Just take this time to reflect on what you really want out of life. That’s what I’m doing and I’m sure that something will come along soon. Hang in there and try to lighten up and be happy. Everything will all work out…I’ve been through this a couple of times and I know it’s not worth getting depressed over. Hang in there!!!
December 2nd, 2008 at 4:23 am
I have been out of work for over a year. I just finished a temp assignment that lasted 3 months and now I’m back searching again. I have sent out over 100 resumes and very few callbacks. I went on one interview recently and employer told me he had over 200 resumes sent to him and narrowed it down to 25 to call back for an interview. I went to that interview only to find out it was a commission only job and I have bills to pay so couldn’t do it. I notice that employers are using the “phone screen” a lot and I have one this week. It is all very depressing and I can only hope that things get better. It seems that right now there are a lot of bad jobs out there and one has to be very careful about taking a job without a lot of research about the company. I worry about paying my rent next month as it’s getting very bad. I have talked to a lot of people and they have been out of work for over a year. I don’t think I’ve ever seen it this bad.
December 2nd, 2008 at 9:16 am
I have been out of work eleven months - the only work I have been able to pick up is some freelance writing. I have interviewed for about a dozen jobs and applied for over a hundred. I have sold almost everything of value that I own to keep food on the table and to keep my car.
It is incredibly challenging out there.
You certainly learn who your friends are - and believe me you will find true friends are few and far between.
The worst part is not having money for health care - I knew I was not feeling well but was stunned to find that my BP was 240/160. The local free clinic is NOT accepting any new patients - MD’s ask for payment up front when you are uninsured.
To tell you the truth, I don’t know how I have made it through this year intact, but I have and I keep on plugging. That is all you can do, just keep on trying.
December 2nd, 2008 at 10:04 am
To Judy,
I agree it is very difficult right now. Like you I don’t have any health coverage. I worry about getting sick. I went to one agency and was told that food stamps are difficult to get for the elderly because too many people in the 40’s age range are applying for them. And there is a long list to apply for them. I am depressed all the time. My daughter is worried about her job and called a psychologist for an appointment. The doctor called her back and said she is all booked up with appointments and would try to squeeze her in. Apparently, a lot of people are feeling depressed right now. Yes, you have to stay positive but it’s really tough to
get up in the morning. I now am having trouble sleeping, it’s a vicious cycle. I know you must keep on going. I try to do something each day. And with regard to friends, yes you are right. I have one friend and we were talking a lot, however, I find I am depressed even more when I talk to her. She complains about everything. I think you have to keep trying even though it is difficult right now.
December 2nd, 2008 at 12:12 pm
I can relate, Judy and Elaine. I have been out of work 7 1/2 months; no health insurance either. I’m 59 yrs. and never, in my wildest dreams, thought I’d ever be in this place. I’m on extended unemployment but my sister, God bless her, has paid my rent the past two months. It’s WHO you know when it comes to a job; I’m still calling and trying to maintain contact with people. I keep putting out the resumes and applications, but I’m thinking they just disappear into cyberspace…lol. Anyway, I took a part-time job doing telemarketing at night. It’s not really helping financially but will extend benefits and it is something. When I get a day job, I may still keep it and work two jobs until I can get back on my feet. I don’t know what is up with the temp agencies; I think I’ve applied to all of them and nothing. It is really discouraging. In all of my working life, which is a long time, I’ve never seen it this bad either, but, I agree, you just have to keep plugging.
December 2nd, 2008 at 3:40 pm
I just came back from a job search workshop at our local unemployment office. I couldn’t believe how many people were there. I only got one job lead but it was good to get out with people. Like you say Linda, you just have to keep getting out there.
December 2nd, 2008 at 4:26 pm
Regarding my comment about just keep on plugging - it works - yes I often feel that I am sending resumes out into the void -but today I got 2 calls and 2 interviews - one tomorrow and one Thursday.
I am thrilled and hopeful.
Going out, even if only to read at the library or get a cup of coffee, is important. I spent months at home, didn’t make it any better or easier and probably made it worse. If I force myself to go out I always feel better. It is important to remember that all there is to life is not being “unemployed.”
December 2nd, 2008 at 4:32 pm
Good Luck Judy! I hope it works out for you. I have a phone interview tomorrow morning. I have been trying to get out and it helped that I went to a job search group. I did get some leads. Yes, I feel like you do that you send out resumes into this void. I wonder if people even read them with so many people looking these days. Best wishes!
December 3rd, 2008 at 11:48 am
Good News! I wish you luck, Elaine and Judy!
December 3rd, 2008 at 1:20 pm
I just had my phone interview which is otherwise known as a “phone screen”. I thought it went well but you never know. I was told there were a lot of people interviewing for the job. I think the important thing is to keep moving and keep sending out resumes and networking. It’s a numbers game. Good luck to everyone!
December 6th, 2008 at 7:59 pm
I’ve been out of work since Nov. 2007 and I periodically check in on the comments connected to this article. For whatever reason, I have a fairly reslient nature (plus a great emotional support system), and I recognize that we all have different levels of resiliency. I have been careful to monitor, acknowledge and respect when the whole process is getting to me. THat has helped me stay optimistic. TO either deny or dwell on the shitty and scary circumstances of being jobless mid-career (i’m 48) in a crappy economy is a recipe for disaster. So I give myself permission to feel sorry for myself (tonight is such a night) and then dust myself off and move forward.
It’s hard!!
December 12th, 2008 at 1:20 am
After being out of work a year - and I was self employed with one or two major clients that I lost - so no unemployment, no resources - I finally found a job. I had 2 offers this week - I accepted the higher paying one. It is the best job I have ever been offered.
I didn’t have much a support system in terms of family but I had a few good friends who kept me food on my table and who reminded me, from time to time, that I had value.
I thought about ending it many many many many days - I have sold most of what I had of value for food and utilities. I stayed alive for my son. I was so sad many days I couldn’t/didn’t do much. When I got the first offer, and shared the news with my son, he hugged me and we wept.
I am relieved and happy but I am still having trouble relaxing. In fact I can’t sleep tonight. I guess it takes time to adjust to being safe too.
December 12th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
Judy C.,
I share your joy! It’s so nice to hear that you have found a great job! I wish you much success!
Thanks for posting this; there IS hope. Even though you were down, you preservered and came out on top and that speaks to your strength. What a lesson you are showing your son!
Do you think your sleeplessness is just nerves? Going into a new job is stress too. Bet it’s just temporary.
December 12th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
Judy, I’m thrilled to read this news, I know it has been a long road for you! Thank you for sharing your success with us, and inspiring others. Your additions to this comment thread have been helpful, and it’s rewarding for me to see you made it through!
Now, what can you do to be more prepared for the next time? I’m all about career management you know
December 12th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
Jason,
I will most likely post/do an analysis of this past year and what I did wrong and what I did right. The one thing I know for sure is that we need to take care of each other - without the friends who were not afraid to see how sad I was and how scary it is to have nothing - I wouldn’t have made it.
If you know someone in a worse position than you - give them something - whether it is a visit, a meal, a card or money. Just do it.
You could be saving a life.
December 30th, 2008 at 8:52 pm
It is remarkable and disheartening to see so many others feeling the sense of hopelessness affiliated with a seemingly endless job search. I am one of the multitudes who were victims of this “financial crisis”, let go abruptly along with several others at my company. I feel embarrassed, even though it was through no fault of my own. This occurred just a few months before I was going to ask my girlfriend of 8 years to marry me (and still am, thanks to some smart financial choices). For me, being employed was a source of strength - I had struggled through several tedious, hardly fulfilling temp jobs before I had landed a position that I was truly proud of. Then I was called into my boss’s office and told that I was to be let go after two years of outstanding service. In that very instant, my entire world and clarity of thought was disintegrated - the idea that you can be severed like an infected limb from your role and tossed into a realm of uncertainty is sickening (and the worst is hearing the cliche “that’s life!”) It’s just sad to know that so many people are hurting besides myself, people who deserve to live happily each day - after all, isn’t this short life meant to be enjoyed?
December 30th, 2008 at 11:15 pm
Hi Mark,
Sorry to hear about your layoff. I know the feeling. It did feel embarrassing and strange to me as well, because I had just received an award not two months prior. I just couldn’t figure out how it could happen to me…but the company is just not doing well. Another of my friends was just let go 3 weeks ago and she is feeling exactly the same way. So far they have let over 300 employees go…and I’m sure we all have similar feelings. I had never in my life been laid off or let go from a job. It was tough and it continues to be very strange, as I’m used to being able to land a job after a couple of months of job hunting. I haven’t even had an interview…so it’s been disheartening. Having someone to support you and love you is very important. I don’t know what I’d do without my husband…he has been a rock for me during these crazy last few months. Hang in there because I am learning that there is much more to life than just a job. We’ll all be okay…it may just take a little longer than we anticipated.
December 31st, 2008 at 6:57 pm
To all
I am there and I don’t what will happen. This is the part where the the aniexty and depression creeps in. i lost my job due to office politics and mean people. Don’t people know that everyone needs to earn a living? Why are people always gunning to put some in the poor house? Don’t they know the end result is that someone will end up not being able to pay their bills.
This is the part of working life I never understood.
I am in the healthcare business and if you think there isn’t a recession going on there.. think again!
If you are a nurse you can find a job all others good luck!
And all you saying that’s it going to be ok ect.. How do you know?
January 1st, 2009 at 12:27 am
Dana,
It helps to know you are not alone. Millions are going through what you are experiencing now. I was also forced out of my job in the healthcare business due to “office politics and mean people,” micromanagement and lack of human caring. (Why can’t managers treat their subordinates as humans and not as pieces of meat hanging in the slaughter house?) But I realize it trickles down from the wealthy CEO’s. I’ve been looking for almost a year and there is not much out there that pays very well, unless, as you mention, “you are a nurse.” I too suffer from anxiety and depression, and may lose my house in a few months, when unemployment compensation runs out and if nothing turns up. I may just have to work a minimum wager, which goes up to - whoopdeedo- a whopping $7.21/hour today.
I’m just hoping for a better 2009. And less office meanness and politics.
Dana, write in your journal. Keep posting here. Surround yourself with others to combat the loneliness and alienation that comes with the depression. Listen to positive and encouraging people. And remember, hope does exist, even if only in metaphor at first, before hope becomes reality. Here’s to hope! Cheers!
January 1st, 2009 at 2:11 am
Well, to all who know….tonight REALITY set in. I guess I’ve been in total denial. F this system; F politics…or whatever…I’ve been unemployed, except for a sucky call center job, at which I’m very good at…since last April, 2008. I don’t have the friggin money for rent for January. My Sister informed me tonight that I need to move in with her…f that…but I’m going to have to. Yeah, who knows everything is going to be alright? I have no one for support except myself…more power to the ones who have husbands, etc. I wish I had that great benefit. Some of you do not even know. I am basically starting totally over, after having a great career. And, it’s tough doing it at most of your parent’s age! Don’t cry to me when you are young and still have parents to depend on…waaa waaa. Try being older, like 59, and getting a friggin job!
January 1st, 2009 at 12:29 pm
Hey Linda,
I’m sorry to hear about your situation. I have many friends who were laid off the same day as me and more who were laid off 3 weeks ago. I know that they are all facing difficult times as well. I am older too and I know that the reason I haven’t gotten any calls is because I’m almost 50. You ask how I know that everything is going to be alright? Well, without getting all preachy, it’s my faith. I have been through many difficult times in my life including loss of jobs and the deaths of family members and when I thought that things would never get better for me, something happened and things eventually got better. My husband was unemployed for 2 years and we were living on my very crummy income. How we made it, I’ll never know, but we did and we’re stronger for it. I guess I look at life like a roller coaster…you have your ups and your downs and you know that eventually if you keep on trying, you’ll have your ups again. Things suck right now for so many of us…but I know that eventually if we keep trying, it will work out in the end. I’m putting in resume after resume after resume and it’s only a matter of time before one of these days I win the job lottery.
Hang in there! My thoughts are with you!
January 1st, 2009 at 1:26 pm
I want to apolgize to everyone for my outburst in my previous post. I know there are many like me going through this difficult time. I’m sorry if I offended anyone.
Thank you, Graphics Girl, for your kind words.
January 1st, 2009 at 2:58 pm
Linda,
Although I cannot truly empathize (I am unemployed, but I’m not even 50 yet), I sympathize with your age plight. I applied to work with the upcoming US census and there was a guy who was 69 and looking for full time work. I met another gentleman who after retiring from Home Depot, couldn’t stand the boredom from retirement, so he got back on at Home Depot part time, and then they made him full time. I have a friend, age 72, who works part time. What I don’t understand is why can’t these people retire, and volunteer somewhere to beat the boredom, the stress from being at home with their spouse, etc. I know some of these “have to” work to pay their bills, but some do not.
I’ve also encountered high school and college students who live with their parents trying to find work. Why can’t the college students be employed at their college to pay for their student loans, and not “out in the real world” where the rest of us who have families to support and mortgages to pay need to work?
What is the mandatory retirement age anyway?
January 1st, 2009 at 6:36 pm
Smoriah,
Thank you for the kind words. Kindness is hard to find these days. I know that i am not alone and I can feel for others too. It seems that there is very little I can do now. I have almost given up.
I can understand losing my job to the economy but to politics. I try to keep hope and it comes in the form of my faith but sometimes it just isn’t enough.
I will pray for you and that your situation gets better because at this point I think that all we have.
Dana
January 1st, 2009 at 9:01 pm
The reality and the face of the jobless situation:
Let me paint a clear picture for all of those who aren’t at hthe point of despair.
I used to get up everyday and go to a job that paid me 30.00/hr. If you read my previous you will see that I lost it due to politics and not the economy. Of course this made it all that more depressing and miserable.
The day-to-day reality of being jobless for alomost 18 months is that I can’t get up out of bed anymore …you ask yourself for what…. to face another day of unemploymennt and there are so days where you can watch so the rerun of the Cosby show and Good Times. Good Times is a show that is so fitting for the times today. So you sleep 14 to 15 hours a day. In between that time you hope the phone rings for at least a job interview so you have the motiavation to get up and look to see if there are any messages.. there are none.
What to do now. Go back to sleep, watch TV ot have a cup of coffee with the added flavor of vodaka.
The third is the most appealling choice. In the end it doesn’t help but it helps for the moment.
It helps for the moment because your life has become a series of “moments”
Moments of desprssion altenating with desperate moments of aniexty. Of course all too unbearable so you drink more hoping that on top of the 14 hours sleep that you got that if put you under so you don’t have to feel the misery of it all. It doesn’t so you add over-the-counter sleeping pills to it and at last sleep.
I know what you thinking. You’re thinking that I should use that time to look for employment. You’re right and i have to no avail. The pain of it all is to great at this point. The interveiws, the rejection the HR people that basically jerk you around becausre the know that you neeed a job. It almost as if this is their payback for all the times when workers were needed and they felt like they were jerked around.
Hey good luck to get them to call you back.
In the meantime your enviroment and all that used to interest you goes down hill. The place is a mess and outside of drinking ans sleeping nothing interests you expect your pre-occuaption of ending it all because doing that would end the pain.
So you think about and think about beacause the thought of being homeless and broke is not a good altenative. But what stops you. For me it the faces of the animals and the poeople that depend on me. The also depended on me when I did have a job that why it hard to look at them and see how badly you are faultering and at some point will fail. Thier innocense at what may change for them,new owners the pound, living out my car or worse. Of couse you try not to think about so you have another drink to take that pain away. It does but only for the moment. Remember you life now is a series of moments in which you navigate for one moment to the next.
Being unemployed for so long and not understaing the reasons why kind of get you thinking .. what if youdid get a job could you work after being out of one for so long. This is the ugly face of self-doubt.
Self dobut on top of the feeling of failure what to do …have another drink. By the time the day is over you can be so drunk that you don’t feel a thing and nothing bothers you except going to tje liquor store to get more.
The liquor store is where you see you pain reflected back to you. The faces of despair, the unsaid words of the faces of the other customers, the clerk that knows you by your first name and says “you’ll be back” Yep she’s right I’ll be back and I am.
On occassion you catch glimpes of yourself in the mirior of how you are now and wonder where the old you went and you try to remeber your old life. It is hard to remember because it was all so long ago. This new life no matter how miserable it is is the reality now along with the friends who don’t call. Outside of it all when you go outside you put onthe cheery face and try to hide the pain eventhough you just want’t to breakdown and talk to anyone who will listen. At the end of the day the problems are still there and the looming thoughts of ending it all are there too. And the vicious cycle starts again on a new day and time but its the same aold stuff.. I could go on and on but at this point I thing you have the idea.
Dana
January 1st, 2009 at 10:22 pm
Dana,
I’m not a psychiatrist, but I’ve been where you are. First, what you are going through sounds like clinical depression. Antidepressants will help you feel better. Second, clinical depression may help you get on disability which will continue to bring in income to pay the bills so you won’t lose your house or your pets. This will help ease the stress and allow you to heal.
As someone once told me, why would you want to kill yourself over a job? over politics? Jobs and politics aren’t worth the f. s. everyone claims them to be. You’re existence, and the meaning of your life, are worth more than both of those (jobs and politics) put together. Call a help line, a friend, your doctor, and find out how you can get on antidepressants and on disability. It’s worth your life.
January 2nd, 2009 at 9:31 am
Smoriah, the mandatory retirement age is different within different industries. And, mostly there isn’t one. More and more seniors are working and I think it’s become a necessity for most.
Dana, you certainly have a way with words. I can really relate except for the vodka part…I’d probably do that if I bought some or had it in the house.
I’m suffering from brain fog. Ok, I need to move out. Reality bites. So, what to do first? Make list, put in order of priority, crunch numbers, make calls….I can’t seem to get it in my brain…I’m SO in denial. Is this really happening? I feel like I’m in a time vaccuum…I want to stay here and let the world go on without me. I don’t want to move…this has been my ’safe haven’.
January 3rd, 2009 at 12:34 am
To Smoriah:
I know you have been where I been ..for all I know you’re still there. The problem with getting help is that it cost money..alot of money along with the drugs to treat the depression and aniexty. No job, no health insurance. Disability has its qualifications. You have not worked for one year. I have but it only has been on an as needed basis because this all that is was available. I have literally begged for more time and full-time employent. I gotten 40 hours work in 18 months! Disability requires you to prove your illness and that requires treatment you know the treatment that I can’t afford. Even if I could Ihave to spend the money on keeping a roof over my head and feeding myself and my animals. The whole process of it is 6 months to 3 years outside of the one year waiting period for working. I konw you are trying to help and I do thank you.
The reasoning for my post was to allow others to understand the personal day-today struggles and the changes that an unemployed person goes through. To put meaning into the phrase ” I got laid off” or lost my job..for wahtever reason.
To Linda:
I know that reality bites but if you have your sister to give you a hand up ..take it. The changes aren’t over but at least you have someone. Make your sister’s home your safe haven.
As for me the only thing that I have left is my faith. I don’t know what’s going to happen but I do know it will be hard. I hope that it doesn’t get too hard.
Dana
January 3rd, 2009 at 12:08 pm
Hi Dana,
I can really sympathize with your plight. How are you supporting yourself if that’s not too personal? I am working part-time in a call center at night. The pay sucks but it gets me out of the house and when I’m there I also network re: day jobs, as most have another job too. You wouldn’t believe the people who are working there: another Realtor, like me, mortage people, people in the construction industry, former bankers: just people trying to keep afloat. If you have a decent phone voice you can get on. How about just doing something like that? It helps to keep your sanity if nothing else.
Yes, I am fortunate that I have a good sister who will take me in. You are right. I’m trying to look on the bright side. I’ve lived alone for a very long time so it will be a big adjustment. And, all around me is just ’stuff’; it doesn’t define who I am as a person. In some ways this move may be beneficial is how I’m looking at it. My bills will certainly drop drastically as she has a very small mortgage and I can help her out, as she currently has a daughter in college, on scholarship, but there are still expenses. Her dog loves me…lol…so that’s a plus.
Do you have friends and family around? Any support system?
I, too, believe in having faith. We do all we can but ultimately we can only control so much. None of us knows the paths we may go down, but, I believe, those paths may take us to a better place. At least I want to believe that.
January 4th, 2009 at 11:10 am
To: Linda
I am suppoerting myself right now through a combination of as needed work and unemployment compensation which will run aout in March. Believe this one. I am in a catch 22 with unemployment .
I have to exhuast all of my benefit to qualify for the extension passed by the president in November which means i can’t work until then. It will actually exhaust on the week of the deadline. The little as needed work i get which is not guaranteed doesn’t even come close to the amount of guaranteed income that I will get for the next 20 weeks from unemployment. The only reason I would go off unemployment is for a fulltime job. I really think at this point it might be time for a career change or to move where there is work for what I do. I am a respiratory therapist. In my area which is Philadelphia, Pa there is a over saturation of therapist here. Thanks to some tech school tht is chruning them out every three months where as it would take 2 years of education to produce a quality therapist. However, thery are cheap and hospitals don’t care. The recession is also affecting healthcare. Whatever positions that are they have been put on hold.
I have family but they could care less. So i really don’t have too much of a support system except for my boyfriend of 12 years but he lost his job also. It been hard for the both of between the depression and crying and the rejection.
Faith is all there is really for me. I like to take comfort in GOD but sometimes my faith does become weakened with every set back. I also try to understand why this is happening and I ask GOD for some answers. I guess I’m wating for my hand-up and HE is the onluy who can give to me.
Dana
January 5th, 2009 at 11:45 am
Well, Dana, I certainly wish you the best in finding a job in your field. I’m glad you have SOMEONE to be with and to support you. We must not give up!
I found the courage to call my landlord this morning. I told him about my situation and that I’d be moving out. He was not AT ALL supportive. In fact he was a little accusing. He knew I’d lost my job and the last time I spoke with him I WAS able to pay rent for two more months! But, not now.
January 6th, 2009 at 6:15 pm
To: Linda
Thank you for the kind words. I’ll try to hang in there but it like trying to hold on by your fingernails.
Sorry to hear about your landllord. You have to move out..you have to move out. What would he like someone who can’t pay anymore. You’re being honest and he’s being a prick.
At least you can move in with your sister which will take the pressure off of not having to worry about having a roof over your head. And that’s alot! Roll with the changes and hope for better days.
Dana
January 7th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
Dana,
Thank you. That’s what I’m going to do: roll with the changes and hope for better days! Perhaps one day I’ll be able to move into an even better house! I hope I can look back someday and be grateful for this experience! Ha! Hard to see right now though.
I am enlightened by your situation, as I always thought the healthcare industry was one of the most secure! I would think your experience would count? Who knows anything in this economy though.
Linda
January 16th, 2009 at 12:17 am
Linda
Just wanted to check into see if you are doing ok with your move to your sister’s house. I hope it not too tramatic for you and that everything is going smoothly.
Dana
January 16th, 2009 at 6:56 am
Hi Dana!
Thank you for asking! Movers will be here in just over an hour! I’m totally organized! I was just getting ready to dismantle this computer! lol I will be off line for a few days. I am ready to move on to the next chapter of my life! So nice of you to ask!
How are things with you?
Linda
January 16th, 2009 at 5:49 pm
Linda:
SO COOL !!!!!!!! and GOOD LUCK !!!!
Dana
February 4th, 2009 at 6:42 pm
anyone out there
Dana
February 4th, 2009 at 8:11 pm
Dana, we’re here.
February 4th, 2009 at 8:32 pm
cool
Dana
February 15th, 2009 at 12:37 am
WOW- it is the recesion “obviously” that is causing many posters to be able to obtained “gainfull” employment. As in the recession of the early 1990’s - yeah this one is way worse- people surived by takng p/t jobs within their field or outside their field. AND that means $10/00 or less p/t jobs.
Survival is of the upmost importance. I , having done it before, seeked p/t job outside of my field [for me it was usually telemarketing] to survive. AGAIN- as I have said, it gives structure to your day, a paycheck, and extends unemployment benefits. Exercise ,
The loss of structure to your day is bad - a p/t job puts routine in your day- have to get ready for work…This is going to be the year of change in your jobs- in order to survive- you may find yourself making same money you did 10 years ago- NAme of game is to make money, even little money- get to as many job fairs you can find…..Good luck. P.S. go see your M.D. during this time of instabiity.
February 15th, 2009 at 12:38 am
correction: recession causing people NOT to be able gainful employment.
February 16th, 2009 at 10:31 pm
[...] article about depression during job search paints a bigger problem picture on the well-being of job seekers in this troubled time. Yes, you [...]
February 17th, 2009 at 12:50 am
DEPRESSION does cloud everytning. Your thinking - first .
The author of this blog speakes of how he was “functionaly” ready for the attact on getting a new job - then talks about the “emotion rollercoaster” which one is not prepared for - no book for that.
I tell you- the best ways I have always survied is (1) exercise, get those endorpines goiing. I say worry when you cannot even get of the thouse for an 1 hour AND do it , even if you think you should be job searching. Combine the two.
The emotional rollercoaster is about two things: (1) being unemployed, no structure, no money, shuned from society, etc. and (2) the roller coaster ride of emotions. That is where exercise comes in. IT gets you out of your head.
In todays dang recession- WOW - survival is the key. Get to as many JOb Fairs as possible - sounds like a drag. I know. Combine that with exercise, getting dressed like you are getting to work, and handing a RESUEME formated for todays “skill market” world.
Key -keep o moving. Easier said than done. If youir frinnds notice you are sririing downward - that is a plus - you are being put on notice. In a positive statement.
Aditionally, re-vamp yur resume to todays market. Yeah what does that mean. Comapny’s are “scanning”for specfic words in the resume tha tfit the job descpiption. All other go into the trash can.
Get a p/t job to entend your benefits. READ the booklet to undrstand how that works.
February 17th, 2009 at 9:54 am
In just a few days, I will have been unemployed for an entire year. This has never happened to me before. I am quite depressed, and have given up. I have neighbors and friends who are over age 70 (one is 76) and are still working even though they don’t need to. This makes me angry. It’s not fair. I’ve given up and have stopped looking. I just don’t care anymore. What’s the point? School is not even an option. I don’t have the money, and there is no guarantee of a job if I did get some frickin’ degree, and I just don’t have the motivation nor the energy to concentrate nor any idea what I’d do. Employers are choosing to hire senior citizens and college students because they don’t need the benefits over someone middle aged who needs to work. I just don’t care anymore. The exercise and the B-complex vitamins don’t work.
February 17th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
Hi Smoriah,
Just wanted to write in and let you know there’s somebody out here reading, if not, posting often. I’m sorry it’s been so long for you and I can relate. I’ve thought about all those same things you posted: about school, etc., myself. It’s hard, after you’ve reached one level, to think about competing with youngsters and starting all over again at entry level. What is your field? Have you looked for anything part-time at least?
Just wanted you to know: you’re not alone.
February 17th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
I’m here too Smoriah! For me the key is finding one little victory and building on that to get out of my darkest days… I try not to think about the competition anymore… just what value I can bring to a comapny or even an industry (if it’s a really good day and I can think that broadly) but some days I can only focus on a creative salad for lunch.
You are not alone and I encourage you to reach out to groups on Yahoo and LinkedIn.. both in your field and your area to find Face 2 Face job seeking groups and out of the way online places where jobs are posted.
February 17th, 2009 at 11:38 pm
Thanks Linda and Nancy. I’ve done retail, medical records, library work. Other than that I have no special skills. I’m doubting my abilities to even function at a job anymore. Yes, I’ve considered and looked into part-time, but like I said, the part-time positions go to 70+ and to high school and college students. On Career Builders there’s nothing for which I’m qualified. I have no idea what I want my next “career” to be. Nothing seems viable anymore.
February 26th, 2009 at 8:01 pm
Smoriah
There is nothing that i can say to make it better. Since you been out of work for a year try to apply for SSD. If you have been geting treatment for depression and taking meds you should apply. It takes 6 months to 3 years. Maybe you’ll ger lucky and be approved on the first try.
Unlucky7
I read your story ….what a nightmare. Maybe you can help Smoriah with SSD.
Linda
Glad to see you are back online. i hope the move to your sister’s house went well and you are adjusting ok.
As for me I am still unemployed with no hope of finding any. I sorta gave up too. Strange ever since I did i kinda feel better. I don’t have the burden of worrying about it anymore. When the time comes and when I feel like I can work I need to move to where the work is.
Dana
February 27th, 2009 at 1:34 pm
Dana,
Glad to see you back. I was ready to send out a search crew! LOL
I see you’re making it and maybe it’s good to get away from the search for awhile; come back when you feel like it.
I am adjusting, thanks. I have good and bad days. Some days I don’t feel like getting out of bed, but there’s a dog here that won’t let me sleep in….lol She will cry outside my bedroom door until I get up! Who needs an alarm clock? lol
Life goes on. I’m having success at the job I do have…the part timer, and that helps a little on the self-esteem front. I look for jobs, but there’s not so many listed right now. To fill the void I clean. I try to do ONE THING productive each day even if it’s just scrubbing tile or woodwork. Clean surroundings make me feel better.
One thing that is helping me is I’m eating better. Frozen veggies are cheap and I look for fruits that are on sale and I’m trying to get as many nutrients for the buck as possible; oatmeal is cheap; frozen chicken breasts on sale, etc. During this time, especially, it won’t help to get sick on top of the depression. Just saying I feel better physically which helps out mentally as well. Not advising anyone; just what is helping me some.
Storm and tornado warning out. Got to go. Later.
February 27th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
Hello everyone!
It’s been 3 months since I’ve written on here! I am still desperately seeking for work and have been unemployed for 3 months!!!
I was an Audit Professional of about 3-4 years of experience in public accounting. Got my degree from a very prestigious univeristy in Accounting and Finance with an above average GPA.
I am the kind of person who would go the extra mile to help someone out at the office whether it’s my peers or bosses. I take pride in my work. I would do anything and everything to accomplish a task and it shows in my work and evaluations. I have strong work ethics and that is what I persent myself as.
I have been working with so many recruiters and have gone on a handful of interviews but so far no offer for various reasons.
The first time when I was laid off for the whole week I thought about suicide. I am in my mid 20s but I have so many obligations. I have been supporting my disable mother since I was 13 years old earning min. wage working at a sweat shop supermarket where I got paid in cash. I worked to put myself through college and earned 2 degrees from a good school, not to mention a pretty darn good GPA! The 3 things I am most proud of myself is wearing the pant in the family and brining home the bacon to feed mommy and little sis while dad was out of the picture; the second thing is my education; and thirdly my career! Now one of the most imporant things have been taken away from me. How does that make feel??? Like S*! Without money, you can’t survive! Freedom and all the bullshit in this country is not really free anyway! I have rent to pay, car payment, groceries to buy, utilities, credit card bills etc. It adds up. Little sis is still in college but is working to help me out. But it’s still not enough. I was able to save when I was working, now I am scratching my A*! I am living on the edge. I am just exahusted and drained from all this. People say to be optimistic and hopeful. But hey, I am only human. I have other feelings too. Even the stongest person have weaknesses. My point is, I am stresed and tired of trying to stay hopeful and do everything in my power, humanly possible, and still no good outcome. It gets old after a while.
I am better now. But there were times when I thought about suicide. I thought about blowing all my savings on vacations, materials, etc. you name it! I’ve thought about maxing out all my credit cards on whatever I like. I’ve thought about prostitution, stripping, selling drugs, etc. After all, I am going to be dead anyway! Everything I have worked for and believed in have been takend away from me. My last boyfriend broke my heart! What else can go wrong? No money, no career, no love, etc. I don’t even have health or dental insurance because I can’t afford it. Some days I would eat instant noodles for lunch and dinner for a week, but I would buy good food for mommy.
I guess the good thing that comes out of this is that I am a good person and I put my mother’s needs before mine. But how can I trurly care for someone if I am not happy with myself?
I envy all the rich people with wealthy families. I envy all the young girls like me that are married to rich guys who treat them well. Not that I didn’t have men treat me well; it’s just that I don’t ever last with any of them. Anyway, I am going off the tangent here….
I am so desperate for having a career again. In the mean time, I am studying for the CPA exam but I don’t even have money to take the review courses. I can only afford to purchase materials online!!! Life is so sad. If I was 90 years old then i probably would not be as concerend…but I am still young so I feel like there is still a chance. However, I am losing hope.
February 27th, 2009 at 10:06 pm
Dear Depressed, lost, and concerned,
First of all, apply for unemployment, and food stamps. With your disabled mother, she should be getting Medicaid or Medicare and/or SSI benefits. Also, her insurance should pay for home health aids to come in and feed, bathe her and to give you a break.
Second, it’s only been a few months. I’ve been unemployed for a year now. It’s a tough economy so don’t blame yourself!
Third, hang out with those who support you and encourage you.
Fourth, since your sister is in college, her financial aid should help with most of her financial needs. But I’m glad she is trying to help you out also.
Fifth, when you’re ready, consider working part-time, anywhere, or volunteer somewhere. Do gardening. Take walks. Do something fun and meaningful at least once a week.
February 27th, 2009 at 10:14 pm
Dear Dana,
Thanks for your post. I’m doing better. I’m volunteering at least twice a week. And I do odd jobs for friends and neighbors.
As far as the pdoc meds, I checked with the local pdoc center, and it’s over $200 for a first time evaluation, and $70 for follow up visits; no sliding scales are permitted anywhere here. So far, the fish oil and B-complex are helping. So far, so good.
I need bifocals now, and discovered without insurance they would be close to $400; I’ve never paid that much for anything when I had insurance!
If I start going down hill, I may consider SSD. Thanks for your support!
February 28th, 2009 at 1:08 am
Dear Depressed, lost, and concerned,
I hope you found comfort in the suggestions that SMoriah provided… here are a couple more…
Sixth… Check with your state unemployment councilors - you may be able to get a seat in in a CPA review course at a state university for free… here in Washington State they have a program for funding classes, review courses, and tests for the unemployed.
Seventh… Go to all of the local tax prep places and apply… my mom is a retired nurse and works most years for a local chain… it doesn’t pay much, but it gets her out of the house and helping her fellow senior citizens.
Eighth… get your profile up on LinkedIn and look in the groups section for accounting and general job search groups in your area. Reguardless of your gender check to see if there is a DigitalEve group in your area…. they have LinkedIn and Yahoo! discussion groups for online / technical folks, but we have several accountants and finance types in our Seattle group. Many are starting Face 2 Face support groups for job seekers.
Nineth… Join twitter and post an ask @jobangels, search for recruiters in your area or companies you are interested in that post jobs.
Tenth… the boyfriend… I can tell you from personal experience that you will look back at that breakup as a great thing… I used to ’settle’ for men that were interested in me… no matter the ’shortcoming’… which translates into some that had violent tempers and others that were hopeless slugs… I now have a great husband who is supportive of everything I have done… it has been a long long road…
Search for my first name in the comments and you will come across my first post that outlines my 2 bouts of unemployment story… lost.. .alone… hopeless…
I how have a wonderful husband who has allowed me to chase my career to the end of the continent.. we started in Connecticut in 2001… and here it is 2009 and we are in Seattle… he doesn’t want me to look for work in Alaska or Hawaii though :-).
It does get easier… you are very not alone… your credit may be shot… you will have a gap on your resume… but you will not stand out in the employement seeking crowd…
the stigma of being unemployed and looking is starting to fade… recruiters are more matter of fact about it than they were 6 months ago…. let alone what things were like 16 months ago when this post was written.
Hugs!
Nancy
February 28th, 2009 at 5:26 am
I have not been working since past one and half month. I can say there has not been a single day when I did not apply for jobs. I called several recruiters they all asked me to send my resume which I did but never heard anything back. I worked in collection and account receivable department, I have a Masters Degree in Commerce but somehow cant get anything. I feel hopeless, im not taking care of myself and sometimes feel like ending my life. I use to have a routine would go to work, exercise but now everything is gone can someone help me..
March 3rd, 2009 at 12:11 pm
Down on My Knees,
Seek some help if you’re able; go to doc if you can. I hear your pain. As someone here said: No job is worth your Life.
I think the routine thing is the hardest; it threw me for a long time and still does. We all do better with some structure. You have to make a new routine. I wrote out a weekly schedule, alternating hours of job search with daily living. It helped. I’ve been unemployed, except for my part time job, for almost a year now. I still don’t have it all down and I still struggle. You have to take care of yourself FIRST, something I’m still trying to learn. But, if you’re having suicidal feelings, and I think everyone here HAS, at some point, please go to the doctor or seek some help. It’s hard to take care of yourself when you feel hopeless.
Don’t give up. It’s been, what, six weeks. It sounds like you’re doing the right things; follow up with the recruiters and keep plugging. Try to make your resume stick out; I keep revising mine. lol
I don’t know if I’ve helped any, but maybe it will help to know you’re not alone. Post…it has helped me to be here and I’ve learned from others here.
March 3rd, 2009 at 10:37 pm
Hi Smoriah!
Glad to hear the fish oil and B complex is working!!!!!!!!
Great advice Linda- thanks for sharing your job search survival tips.
There is hope!
March 4th, 2009 at 1:09 am
Thanks Linda it means a lot, Im trying to get my life back together, I will have to change my routine cos I feel ive hit rock bottom and I can only go up…
March 4th, 2009 at 7:34 am
Dear Knees,
Please take a look at Flylady.net… it may seem odd, misplaced, or even flat out wrong the first time you read through the material…
But waking up to a clean sink and getting dressed in the morning really really really can get you started on the road to a routine that works for you.
Fly Baby Steps Rock!
March 5th, 2009 at 12:24 am
Sharing my feelings with you all makes me feel better. I always think that even if I follow a routine and try to live a better life I will still feel the emptiness inside me. I guess its something Il have to live with. I walk in the city and look at people working and it shows on their face that they are so happy, I ask myself when will I be one of them. I somehow cant stop asking this to myself.. Being unemployed has also made me realize that some people will always try to judge you, no matter how much efforts you put in it hurts and time and again they want you to know that they are better than you..
March 5th, 2009 at 9:47 am
Well, Down on my Knees, as we can attest to, umemployment can happen to anybody in these times. If people judge, then let them. That is their problem. I say never say never ’cause it CAN happen to you and I believe what goes around comes around. Forget them and concentrate on you. I felt ashamed for a long time but that has passed thankfully. I’m more into the things I can do to survive now. It’s not your fault so don’t blame yourself. We, myself included, tend to believe we ARE our jobs but we aren’t. A job is just what we do not WHO we are.
Your perception of people you see working who look so happy: it’s your perception but it may not be necessarily so. I’ve been in miserable jobs but I still put on a smile. LOL
Nancy B.: I believe in what you’re saying. Start small but it adds up and even the small things give a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction, something we NEED at this time in our lives!
I don’t have all the answers. If I did I wouldn’t have time to post here; I’d have a full-time job instead of a part-time one. I’m still stuggling day to day. My sister reminds me that it’s been almost a year and I wonder why does she feel she has to do that? Like, I don’t know? She says she wouldn’t be taking it as well as I do. Is that a slam? lol I let it go ’cause I figure no one knows until they’ve been in MY shoes. While I’m living in my sister’s house I’m contributing. I’m paying half the mortgage, bringing food in. I cook and clean; I never leave a dish in the sink….lol I’m grateful to have a place to stay and live right now. My goal is to make the best of the position I’m in right now until I get a better opportunity and I keep telling myself that this is only temporary. Stuff is just stuff.
March 5th, 2009 at 7:44 pm
They say misery likes company and it has indeed been a comfort reading everyone’s comments. Next week commemorates my 9th month of unemployment and yesterday I truly hit a wall of frustruation and despair. But I managed to cry it out of my system and dust myself off and this morning, believe it or not, I found a referral for a p/t job and have an interview tomorrow. Go figure!
This layoff is my second one in 11 months and I have found that the way to survive has been regular exercise, frequent contact with family and friends, networking (I have met so many people as a result of my job search!) visiting the library several times a week (I am an avid reader of fiction, bios, self-help, job hunting and entrepreneur books) and taking lots of deep breaths. It’s not easy and I’m giving it one more month before I have to pack up my apartment and move in with family. But I am a survivor. I also had a layoff in 2001 in which I decided to sell all my possessions and return to graduate school (it was a such a welcome break from job hunting).
The lessons I have learned from this experience is that job hunting is so much harder these days, employers are more demanding and unreasonably selective and work is merely a 4-letter word - which should not define you. We are all warriors in this battle and you just have to keep your sword swinging until there is victory. And perhaps there is some justice knowing that many of those employers who didn’t respond to your job inquiry, your application, your email, your voice mail or your request for information are most likely out of a job as well (or soon to be).
March 5th, 2009 at 7:57 pm
I have some materials that I’ve created as a result of my 6.5 iterations thru “transition”. Everyone is welcome to “steal” anything they feel is worthwhile.
I’ve created a moodle course for it. I have half an idea of running a free course on it.
http://www.blunderingalong.com/moodle
Use the guest code “jibberjobber” to take a look at it.
If I had ten people interested, I’d be happy to run the 15 week scheme. It would be more of a symposium, group effort, or whatever you’d like to call it. And, we work it as a participating class of fellow wolves. If it is found beneficial, we can extend it to others. I figure it would be like a weekly conference call for 10 people 10 minutes = 100 minutes, 10 to set up, and 10 to wrap up. Two hour Skype conference for 2 hours. With reading and written assignments to be developed.
Line in the sand!
By 1159 EDT on Monday 16 March 2009!
Need ten names (Limit ten! First come first serve!)
(1) Fjohn Reinke — the big fat old turkey hisself
(2)Chris Brown
(3) H.I. Chavez
(4) John Hayden
(5)
(6)
(7)
(8)
(9)
(10)
We’ll do once “lesson” per week. No charge. One mandatory SKYPE or some other free web conference for an hour? And, we’ll develop it as we go. All participants will get my thanks. And, maybe we might all learn something together.
fjohn
the big fat old turkey hisself
March 14th, 2009 at 12:29 am
I re-read the author’s inital story- it is still fabulous as to its content.
If one does not find employment within the 6 mo employment , plus as in today’s world of extentions- thanks goodness - it has turned to pure madness.
March 16th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
I am a college grad who does not even have a job title and I feel horrible as if I am starting my life at a horrible point in time. I am hard working but am also screwed. I do not know what to do and reading this does not help…I apologize and wish to say it was well written but I need a damn job. I read a lot of stuff and kudos to you sir. I and many others need to do something about this…march towards the white house anyone?
March 23rd, 2009 at 7:11 am
This is the unspoken part of unemployment. When you are working for a company for a long period of time, the people you work with do become part of your extended family, so loosing you job is also like loosing parts of your family. It is a double whammy to some, especially if you don’t have a large support system outside of work, or single, are older, or have a small family. The lack of people to share the simple daily things in life compounded with the loss of income, things to fill up your day, and the demoralizing way in which you find yourself having to change your entire life lead to some serious depression. Many of the people left at your job feel guilty that you were let go and not them and don’t call you, and the few that do, are usually ones that feel they are next in line to go. It’s very scary out there, and I know there are few people to network with that are in the industry I came from, as most of them have retired or left for other industry’s. What’s left of my family doesn’t understand, as they are in untouchable jobs, and think that every interview will lead to a job. In three months, there have only been 2, and no, they have not turned into jobs, and then you start to go through the what did I do wrong, what did I say wrong, and you get more depressed. It’s really a catch 22.
March 23rd, 2009 at 7:17 am
So I am NOT alone. I’ve been out of work since 10/29/08 and actively searching for employment since mid-january 2009. Job searching sure has changed in 20 years. I am not quite at the depression stage yet, but I can see it coming. Agencies dont want you to just “drop In” for intial appts or followups. I can count on two hands (and not all the fingers) how many temp agencies I’ve seen, and so far not one real interview or job. Its ONLY A TEMP JOB…WHY DO I NEED A COLLEGE DEGREE?
I’m on twitter, linkedin, meetup………..been to one job fair (not a good experience), signed up for at least 3 job fairs in NYC between now and August. Going to a meeting Wed 3/25 sponsored by The 405 Club (405 being the max you can collect on unemployment in NY State).
I am at my wits end re job searching. Spending 3-7 hours a day in some capacity searching. I swore I would not do this on the weekends - to take a sanity break. But when i leave the computer ON, I find my self going back on the weekends. So now I’ve started to (weekends only), get on computer, do what I have to, then TURN IT OFF.
I can only do what I can do. I think I am really more stressed than I am allowing myself to think about - I have to get a better sense of what I CAN do……what I NEED to do……I’ll Wash NYC buses if I have to (for the right money) and I will do a damn good job of it.
Lastly….I am older……….why to agencies assume (and I am sure they do) that I will retire soon. I want to WORK, I NEED TO WORK……………Why cant they have respect for experienced, dedicated workers with superior work ethic.
March 23rd, 2009 at 9:05 am
It’s been a while since I posted. I had thought things had finally turned around for me, but I was mistaken. Just to give you the thumbnail recap: we moved to TX in Nov. 2005 following my layoff and the impending closure of my husban’d company. We sold our house in CA before we could lose it and settled in TX. Unfortunately we still had to work and still had a load of debt so we needed to find work quickly. After much temping I fianlly landed a job in March 2006, I was excited and thrilled. (By the way, I’m 44 and have been an Exec admin since 18.) The job only lasted until July, they weren’t ready for an employee, nor one with my skills so they laid me off. In August 2006 I managed to land another job, taking whatever was offered in my salary range. I was bored in 3 months, but stayed anyway. Went on 3 month medical leave at almost one year of employment. They begged me to come back and I returned in Nov. 2007.
By March 2008 I was told that I should begin to look for other employment. I wasn’t willing to quit and they really didn’t want to lay me off so they offered to allow me to look and take paid time off for interviews. No time frame was set. First Friday in May I was told my employment would end on May 31.
I interviewed like a fool, but never even got a temp offer until the end of September. I don’t understand the need to interview 3x for a temp position, makes no sense and is a waste of my time and effort, but I did it anyway. I had already exhausted my unemployment benefits so I needed to be employed quickly.
In August 2008 I accepted a full time offer at a huge salary cut. After the cost of benefits was deducted, it was a $10K pay cut. Being the primary financial support for my family - that was huge. On Friday, Feb 13 2009 I was laid off again. No reason, just told thanks, but no thanks five minutes after I arrived for work.
I’m still unemployed, no unemployment, have had two interviews, no temp offers. I have applied for Wal Mart, grocery stores and jobs that will end up being a $30K pay cut. I’m willing to do anything, biut so are thousands of other people. I keep hearing that I’m overqualified and I don’t live close enough. I actually had an executive tell me I was the best person for the job, but he was afraid I wouldn’t like the drive to his office so he wouldn’t hire me. WTF? Isn’t that my decision? I knew where the job was and what the salary was before I applied.
I can afford to take a $30K salary cut, but I can’t afford not to. I need the income in order to save my house and manage to make the Bankruptcy payments (yes, we filed in November). I’ve found myself spending hours submitting resumes, but I rarely get dressed. I know it’s the fringes of depression, but I don’t feel like fighting it.
I just need to get back to work - at any level - and I’m tired of people not allowing me to make my own decisions.
March 23rd, 2009 at 9:07 am
Oops, small grammatical error. I meant to say…
I CAN’T afford to take a $30K salary cut, but I can’t afford not to. I need the income in order to save my house and manage to make the Bankruptcy payments (yes, we filed in November). I’ve found myself spending hours submitting resumes, but I rarely get dressed. I know it’s the fringes of depression, but I don’t feel like fighting it.
March 23rd, 2009 at 9:51 am
I can manage on a $20,000 pay cut, but just barely. IF I WERE EVEN OFFERED THAT. At this point, only two month in to searching, I am better off than post….but I worry….a lot…..dont kid yourself, older workers like me ARE discriminated again. You want into an agency, they take one look, then you never hear from them agency, or you ask if you can drop in to check up in a couple of weeks and they basically say dont bother (”We are busy, call or email”).
Cynthia, one thing I found (though I admit I am NOT doing it today) is to keep a routine. Get up, shower, get dressed (jeans ok)….Spend a certain amount of time each day job-search-related, no matter how hard it is. I now have a list of about 80 placed/agencies….on sites like Monster I signed up for job alerts……I spend 3-7 hours a day in some job search function.
I admit that I might be getting slightly depressed. I am SO AFRAID of not having the money. And I cant figure out what to do with my 401k from my former company. Someone who shall remain nameless is “advising” me re this (this person obviously wants my business, but i cant afford to pay 1-2% commissions….I am sorely tempted to move my 401k into a rollover ira/cd in a bank. Not nearly the interest, but at least what I do have NOW will be protected (up to $250,000 with FDIC insurance.
I’ve said it before but it bear repeating: WHEN WILL AGENCIES/COMPANIES REALIZE THE VALUE OF OLDER WORKERS? We dont ALL want to retire (at this point I am exhausted from working all these years, but I have no choice BUT to keep working. EMPLOYERS PLS LISTEN: I WILL DO A GREAT JOB FOR YOU AND HAVE A BETTER WORK ETHIC THAN ALMOST ANYONE ELSE YOU WILL FIND.
March 23rd, 2009 at 10:17 am
Karen and Cynthia: Amen to all that you’ve said!
Before I HAD to move in with my sister, I could have a ‘down day’ if I wanted but now I have no privacy. I deal with the monster, depression, but I can’t show it. I do all I’m supposed to do but with kind of half a heart if you know what I mean.
It sounds like you both are doing all you can. All we can do is keep plugging!
March 23rd, 2009 at 10:35 am
Quick comment on what Karen said regarding her 401k:
>> And I cant figure out what to do with my 401k from my former company. ….I am sorely tempted to move my 401k into a rollover ira/cd in a bank. Not nearly the interest,
Many people don’t know that I used my 401k to help finance my company (JibberJobber). When my investment adviser understood my needs, he moved all from a mutual fund type place to a much more conservative place (bonds?). It saved me from losing a ton of money… and i was really grateful that he did that. I’m not saying you should do that now, but my adviser was right on the money (no pun intended)…
It sucks to see people lose 30 - 50% in their retirement because of the market…
Anyway, just a quick thought. I think of you guys often as I see these comments come through, and let me extend a heartfelt THANK YOU for being such a great support group for one another!
April 15th, 2009 at 8:29 pm
Great blog. Having never been unemployed in 31 years. I am an insurance claims director that managed a staff of 10+. I’m not a job hopper but one year ago a competitor contacted me to head up a new New York office. They wined and dined me and I left my old job. Only a year later my new company was purchased by a company from UK. They did away with my office and my job. I am on my second week of unemployment. I’m feeling worried, depressed, trapped and hopeless. I’m applying for entry level jobs that I am over qualified for, and even those are not replying to me. Half my resumes come back with spam come-ons to sell me something. I purchased a new condo two years ago and my savings was used up. I have a month of severance and unemployment will not even cover my mortgage. I’m feeling worthless and useless. I am actively seeking a job, but find myself having frequent anxiety attacks. I’m not a big drinker, but I’m thinking about having cocktails on a daily basis. I never thought I’d be in this position. Thank you for this blog. Already I’m feeling better.
April 15th, 2009 at 9:17 pm
My situation hasnt changed since my last post in March. Increasingly more difficult to even get to an agency. I’ve only had one job interview (didnt work out). And I am resorting to going to agencies I know cant help me (walking in), to meet the unemployment requirements (I am scrupulously honest about keeping track of what I do for job searching. With all the physical ailments I’ve had lately, rereading some of these posts and taking a few VERY UNSCIENTIFIC test, I think I do have a moderate case of depression. Dont sleep at night, starting to sleep more during day…..I have to get back into the job search routine….
Marye, I dont even know what to say. I wish