The first big change came when closely after my father passed I lost my job. I gained a HUGE chip on my shoulder, feelings of anger, resentment, disillusionment and resounding pride… yeah pride. When you should be humbling yourself to refocus and see whats wrong inside I went into the blame and criticize zone. It was everyone else and their companies I saw flaws with. It stunk! I spent weeks and months determined to show them they were all stupid and wrong. What did that invested time, energy, anger and freustration get me? NOTHING, in fact its almost cost me my marriage, my name, my friends, my family and my faith. How did I let this govern my life? There were so many more things to be thankful for and so many things to focus my energy on while I was looking but instead I chose to self destruct.

My advice to all: DON’T GO THERE!

Go HERE:
Work hard at truly building every relationship you can. You will find an opportunity, and sometimes in the least likely places.

Do things for the benefit of others too. You’re struggling but serving will calm your mind and build relationships with those that could become your next coworker, employer or employee…

Great post Jason. Its amazingly frustrating how so many woes of society right now are directly linked to this (crime, divorce, abuse etc…).

Thanks for posting!

My experience losing a job about 10 years ago was devastating. It was the result of deliberate two-person bullying that had ground me down so low, I had to go into counseling for a full year to regain my self-worth and my sanity, and get relief from deep depression. The bullying had been going on for about 9 months, and came to head when I was put on probation and had to endure daily, vicious psychological abuse from my boss, and covert abuse from the co-worker who was feeding my boss’s obsession with beating me up verbally, emotionally, and spiritually. They were quite a tag team.

My greatest loss was my self-esteem and self-confidence, resulting in severe depression. I was lucky that COBRA insurance covered mental health care. What I gained through counseling was restoration of my sanity and self-respect. However, I did NOT lose my faith. That would never happen because I know the truth I know about God’s love which is unconditional, always available, and divine–not subject to human interpretation. The suffering I endured was never an issue of whether or not God loved me, but rather how He was providing for my healing (through counseling) and for my needs. The suffering was caused by the evil intentions in the hearts of my boss and co-worker.

My loss of income did impact our lifestyle and financial stability. I missed the social camaraderie from the workplace, and the learning opportunities…I love to learn. I also lost the sense of fulfillment until I found something to take its place.

About 18 months later, I heard about a Christian coaching conference to be held in Bellevue, WA. I attended it, and met Susan Whitcomb, one of the most compassionate, lovable, and very knowledgeable person I’d ever met. I had not known much about career coaching, but was quite intrigued by it after listening to all the presentations. I signed up for Susan’s career coach training course right after the conference.

My life gradually took a new direction–not suddenly–and I haven’t looked back. Sometimes we only see the blessings hidden in the dark clouds after the fact. That’s true of any kind of suffering we endure–death of a loved one, loss of a job, a sudden change in health, etc., as Deb Dib mentioned.

Back to the topic, I agree with Louise Kursmark’s recommendations for Denise. I would add to that to find a circle of support, perhaps including both friends and professionals, with whom you can brainstorm, discuss challenges, turn to for a shoulder to cry on when you need it, or just to feel like a valued human being. I definitely recommend finding ways to put fun in your life while you’re on the journey to a new job or business. Those you surround yourself with makes a huge difference in how well you cope and how well you thrive in times of loss, suffering, and uncertainty. Choose wisely–choose “bone marrow” people, as Susan Whitcomb calls them–people who build you up from the inside out, who nurture you, who have no hidden agendas, and who are truly invested in fostering the best outcome for you.

My best,

~Kathy

It doesn’t come back, ;-(
the big fat old turkey hisself

But it reflects a low state of psychological development that is typical of most people in every culture no matter how much they boast about their spirituality.

Lisa’s advice is right on target… anticipate the question and prepare/practice an answer that is concise, truthful, and draws you back to a discussion of your skills and strengths. First of all, have some confidence! The fact that they are even calling you or inviting you to interview means that you showed them something in your resume that said “I can help you.” Also take comfort from the fact that EVERYONE has some issues that need to be dealt with. The company simply wants to know that you are not a job hopper.

So think about saying something like this – that will explain the situation and reassure them that this is not a chronic situation:

“It does seem like I’ve jumped around a lot. In fact, the circumstances these last few months have been very unusual. You can see from my resume that the vast majority of my experience has been very solid. I’ve stayed with with each company through several job changes and promotions, based on the value I brought in the area of XXXX. Most recently it’s been a series of unexpected occurrences outside my control that caused the short-term jobs. First, I was excited to move to DC because the job was a great fit for my strengths in XXX. Unfortunately, the company lost a major contract shortly after I was hired, and XX jobs were cut immediately, including mine. I was fortunate to find several contract opportunities immediately, and within a couple of months I was approached by a recruiter about joining a company I had admired for a long time. Again, the timing was bad, because the current economic crisis caused our stock to fall significantly and that prompted a major layoff. I’m very proud of the work I did in the short time I was there, and it sounds like your current opening would be another great fit for me. As you know, I have a track record of ….”

Don’t get discouraged, Denise. And don’t feel like they are “out to get you.” They are simply asking a question to be sure this won’t be a problem in the future. If you can reassure them, you can refocus the discussion on what’s really important… your skills, strengths, and value to the company.

It sounds like you need a very succinct way to answer the question, “what have you been doing?” Start practicing that. You’ll need to spin it so that the conversation goes back to you and your skills and expertise. Take the focus off the last 6 months.

Also, I’d go back to temping during the down time. It will keep you connected to the job market, and you can make new connections.

What does your resume look like? How does it address the ‘down’ time? You may need to get your resume either reviewed or reworked entirely. If you’re a JibberJobber member, check out http://www.resumepie.jibberjobber.com.

Finally, work your network. And work it again!