Comments on: Are You Starting Over? Have You Ever Started Over?

By: taqee1997

taqee1997 — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 16:11:45 +0000

I’m just curious as to how much you’re paying for contributions. Chicken Soup pays $300 for each story published. Thanks.

By: confetti

confetti — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 23:12:02 +0000

But I feel terrible. What possessed me to lash out at an obviously kind and generous person who has an idea that might perfectly well fly? Whose side am I on, anyway? The bloggy guy who wants to do something helpful, or the soul-crushers who run the world? The hopeful person who might just help someone out here snag the golden ring, or the nasty little pain bodies who don’t want anyone to succeed if they can’t? I’m truly sorry for that mean,funny litte post. There’s truth in it, and it IS important not to taunt the “losers” at this particular moment in history with all too rare “success stories”, but how does ANYONE get out of bed except on the dear wings of hope? I wish you luck on your project, and I know that you wish me luck on mine, and damn it, I hope you make a zillion dollars on your book.
Rule number one must certainly involve a heartfelt and sturdy persuasion that there’s some way to go. Otherwise all we’ll do is tap out discouraging little screeds at the end of discouraging days and wait for the roof to collapse. That’s not the way, either.
Just, I think, don’t make it all about ex-CEOs who went briefly bankrupt and are now enjoying their new accumulation of villas in exotic resorts. Measure “success” by a lot more than money, don’t include all of those people who think that hardship is losing one’s ability to hire a full-time nanny because all that’s left is the trust fund, and for god’s sake skip those who saved themselves from the tensions of earning 6 figures by choosing a “simpler lifestyle” selling homemade jam in Vermont. If people are “starting over” with more resources than most Americans can even dream of, then you aren’t targeting the people who need your book. They are going to be fine, anyway. Keep it real and encourage modest success. Survival. Decency. Gratitude and a sense of proportion. Endurance. And compassion. That’s what all of need to hang on to.
And if that’s all we hang on to then we have already started over. I just did, in writing this. May have to every day for the rest of my life. That may be enough, yes?

By: Sarah, The Webbiegrrl Writer

Sarah, The Webbiegrrl Writer — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 16:23:23 +0000

Yep, China’s economy is already crashing now that the Olympics jobs are ending. There was a huge false boom to their economy to serve up the world event, but you know, somehow, I just can’t be sorry to see their economy suffering. I mean, we’ve GIVEN them sooooo much money that OUR economy has crashed, it’s only fair that theirs should ultimately crash and burn too…it’s all those US dollars in their system. If they give us our money back, maybe their economy will recovery, whattaya’ think?

By: Peter M

Peter M — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 06:39:07 +0000

Well there is A white paper

Recent Trends in Household Wealth in the United States:
Rising Debt and the Middle-Class Squeeze
by
Edward N. Wolff
http://www.levy.org/pubs/wp_502.pdf

One problem is it stops at 2004.

Saw on the news that the next big tank job will be China, Factories are shutting down, material costs high cost of labor 100 a month, change in Chinese Dollar, and lack of labor.

I’ve enjoyed watch my pay scales steadily decline for years. This year has been the worst and I’m still waiting for a bottom. No happy talk here

By: Sarah, The Webbiegrrl Writer

Sarah, The Webbiegrrl Writer — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 00:37:12 +0000

You know, I was NOT going to say anything but darnit that PS is just too funny. confetti, man you have a FANTABULOUS sense of humor. I love it!! Thank you. And please, don’t bequeath me your house. What on EARTH would I do with a house that has a leaky roof? *haha* Hey, leaks or not, you still got a roof, that’s something.

I really *do* want to see a book sometime address the fact that indeed the top 2% hold 98% of the nation’s wealth (I don’t confirm those numbers, just restating to make the point but I think they are actually off slightly though very very close), but I can’t imagine that anyone in power to buy it would really want to get the word out there *grin*

By: confetti

confetti — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 00:20:24 +0000

PS You know what I would buy? I’d buy a book about really notable and extraordinary people who ultimately failed anyway and died in grinding poverty. That would include PT Barnum, William Durant, Ulysses Grant, Vermeer, Mark Twain, Thomas Paine, Harriet Tubman, Mozart, James Joyce, Henri Rousseau, Christopher Columbus…

because, you know, it’s humbling but comforting company.

By: confetti

confetti — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 23:26:30 +0000

I just stumbled upon this. I’m in the process of falling, slowly crumbling floor by floor, into what is very likely to be what old-time writers called “ruin”. This is despite best efforts. This is despite intelligence, education, a pleasant disposition, skills, plenty of receptivity to all of that encouraging literature out there, and a lack of disabling mental or physical conditions. I’m with Sarah and I will tell you why. This is happening all over this country. Not only are we in a recession that some say is a new sort of global depression, but the old safety nets of family, community and humane government have simultaneously collapsed. When that happens in a society, magical thinking proliferates. I love magical thinking. It’s about what’s left to get me out of bed every day so that i can charge around optimistically and skillfully all day (and I really hate to say this, but I’m pretty sure that I’ve read 100,000 versions of the book that you want to write), and it gives me something happy to come home to so that I don’t have to sink too deeply into the realization that I’m about 2 months away rfom not having a home to come home to. We are legion. That’s the probem. There are a whole lot more of us even than there are books telling us that we’ll be fine, even secure, even prosperous and well if we only can learn the 10 rules, 20 mottos, 30 steps to perceiving reality differently, 40 affirmations, 50 steps to reach our goal, 60 skills, 70 parachutes, 80 ladders, 90 sources of inspiration , 100 strenuous but rewarding exercises and a f*****g partridge in a pear tree.
The literature in America during the great depression was ful of this stuff. It’s a rich and deep vein in our cultural heritage, and it flows from a combination of ultimately vicious Social Darwinism, smug Calvinism, and what we were taught in grade school to admire as “rugged individualism. The assumption underlying all of it that misfortune stems from some sort of personal flaw. “Losers” have simply failed to internalize the rules of the game. It’s always winnable with the right combination of grit, gusto and goodness. “Winners” are admirable, and the discouraged hordes, if they dare speak the truth, are “whiners”. I will tell you something. We really don’t want to hear about the fellow who lost several million dollars and bravely fought his way back up to the top. It’s like reading about the girl who can play Bach with her toes. How very interesting. Again, rags-to-riches comprises a whole depression era literature. Dale Carnegie loved the stuff. I’m sure that Trump just adores it. This is a sign of the times, friend, and we all know who would have called it the opiate of the people. And no, I’m not red. Just that no one is wrong about everything.
Me? Divorced at 58 after 30 years marriage. Plans fell through. People got sick. (Can you spell universal health care?) Jobs got scarce. I own a modest house but can’t afford to heat it and can’t afford the taxes. Everyone is very very very busy desperately trying to hold on to what they have. I’m sorry, but I’m TIRED. The top 2% hold 99% of the nation’s wealth and they hold it tight. Do the world a favor and write about that. The deck is stacked and the game is rigged. We’ll be seeing even more bootstrap propaganda as things grind along. If all else fails, we can kick back and wait for the Rapture. (Do some research on that sort of trend and from what cracked socio-economic soil it springs. Fascinating reading.) Oprah is a fascinating case. She set up a magnificent private school in some god-forsaken corner of Africa. Oprah is so inspiring. Interviewed tons of desperate, half-starved little girls. Picked the “cream of the crop”, the ones who had that “certain sparkle”, to attend the glorious school and get free. Like Little Orphan Annie, I guess. The other ones? Fired from the fantasy. If they’re bitter, it just goes to show.
Didn’t you ever see They Shoot Horses, Don’t They? Check it out. And buy me a ticket to Sweden, where this sort of desperate effort just to live a decent life Isn’t neccessary.
I’m sure that you’re a very nice person. So am I. Usually. Maybe I’ll get that second job soon. And will be able to keep the house. Barely. Roof leaks and windows don’t open, but man, it’s home. Then I can work until I’m 80 and die slowly in a lovely nursing home; after that, they take the house, you know. Would be so much nicer to bequeath it to someone like Sarah up there.

By: Hillel

Hillel — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 15:39:55 +0000

Its not easy to start something new especially if you have been working at some place for a very long time. A book like this is very important.

By: Peter M

Peter M — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 04:48:30 +0000

Vincent,
I don’t think we are on the same page with the music analogy. That period was pretty fertile for me I had access to a lot of venues and listened to different styles and types. There was great diversity and originality. Yes there was a lot of sameness to some but I looked and found other things. Then there were classics which could sound fresh or new anytime you heard them. The same with life and problems you don’t always what what to do until you face it then the more that happens you apply some of the old skills and adapt new ones. It should never be dome alone
I believe you were overly harsh with Sarah and I understand it. I didn’t need for you to qualify your experiences for writing the book. I do understand some particulars she used as generalized but not specific towards examples caused a reaction. I am sorry for your losses and I do not Sarah was attacking you, which is the impression I got from reading the e-mail. If I read it incorrectly please explain.
Let’s just step back to the original request we are talking about rules. To me in this case rules would be a set of individual procedures or codes to conduct to help me start over. Examples being the Big Book and the 12 steps and 12 traditions, any 12 step program. Recognizing the stages of grief and loss Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance as presented by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in death and dying and clarified in her last work On Grief and Grieving. With Alzheimer’s disease there are rules for management for behavior. There are rules for every situation you have explained and they are not all the same.
The request is for rules, now are the rules the stories ? How do the rules and stories work together.
There are down sides to starting over stories your are starting usually because of catastrophic event these are hard to keep positive. One step forward, 3 steps back is just the way it goes. I’m also confused with 42 rules and 42 chapters
When anyone submits a story what are the rules. People are exposing themselves. How is their privacy protected ? What are their rights ? What are the rules regarding approval, final edit, ownership the basics of using people’s personal material in a book.
You are pursuing a noble cause with good intentions but the current presentation does not work for all which is neither good nor bad as it has been presented (my opinion) it needs clarity.
I did visit your video and found the John Lennon Video and the Lyrics to Starting Over was this part of your inspiration?
thanks,
Peter

By: Vincent Wright

Vincent Wright — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 17:41:55 +0000

You’re confusing me, Sarah: You refer to my first comment as being a “Disneyesque “Happy happy joy joy” message” but, it appears to me that we’re not reading the same thread. For your consideration, I’ll repost my first comment below. Please tell me what’s “Disneyesque “Happy happy joy joy” about it:

Hi, Jason,
Thanks for your response to Peter. Believe it or not, I’ve been in places in my life which would cause me to agree with both of you.

Peter’s perspective reminds me of an attitude I adopted a long time ago as a young musician – as someone new to music, I was looking for the next great sound – a new sound. But, unfortunately for me and all my breathless expectations, all songs sounded EXACTLY THE SAME. The 70’s would come and certain songs just reminded me of stuff I’d heard back in the 60’s. The 80’s would come and certain songs would remind me of songs I’d heard in the 60’s and 70’s. The same old refrains – decade after decade. Rare was the song which came along and did something *different* – something *new* – something which moved both music and the subject of the music forward. How much “sameness” do we hear in music even today? Yet, someone today will go back and hear something in the music of the 60’s, 70’s, and 80’s which is “new” – to them…

No one knows who will ultimately read the book they author. I know that for myself, I’ve spent countless evenings and early mornings as excited and as encouraged as can be by books long after they’ve been out of print, long after their authors have died. One book which comes to mind is “The Mature Mind” by Harry A. Overstreet. I think even the author of that book would be startled as to what that book has meant to me since the 70’s and what it still means to me in 2008 – decades after the book has been out of print and decades after Overstreet’s death.

While “42 Rules of Starting Over” may not move the subject of life’s challenges forward for everyone, I hope it will serve as a new foundation, a new thing for someone in need of hearing just the right thing said just the right way – a way which will help them start over more easily than we. Having 42 authors increases the chance of readers finding a chapter which speaks in just “the right voice” to them….

Thanks for your response Peter. And thanks for posting this on JibberJobber, Jason.

Keep STRONG!
Vincent