One of the benefits of spammers commenting on old blog posts is they bring the old blog post back to my attention. Such is the case when a spammer left a comment on this post: Courage and the entrepreneur.
I wrote this post in May of 2009… JibberJobber was barely three years old. As I read this it reminds me of the feelings of despair and anxiety while much of my world thought I was killing it in my business. I’ll be the first to tell you that starting a business, while a great learning experience, is really, really, really hard. On many levels: financially, personal relationships, sanity, etc. Here’s my post from six years ago… not much has changed.
Sometimes I think I’m nuts. Even though I’m more sane than others. But seriously, what am I thinking, doing my own business? Where’s the safety net in that??
Sometimes I think I’m dense. Even though I got a hecka lot of education, and feel like I’m rather witty. This “dense” thing comes mostly when I compare myself to others.
Sometimes I’m lonely. Even though I have a terrific wife and family support, and thousands upon thousands of people who read my stuff in my blogs, LinkedIn, Twitter, etc. But when I’m sitting in my office, all by myself, with hours to go in the day, wondering which thing I should do next, I wish I had a team working with me.
Sometimes I feel poor. Especially recently as we paid for a new baby, a broken van and car, my doctor’s visit to get my calf looked at, working on getting our basement finished, and payroll… but then I think about the families I met in Mexico who know what poor, and poverty, and hunger, are, in a way that i’ll never have to know.
Usually I’m hungry. Not for food, but for success. Actually, not even crazy-wild success, just the kind of success that pays the bills for a family with a modest lifestyle. That’s what i told my publisher, and why I swore I’d make money from book sales.
Most of the times I’m scared. Scared of failing. Or scared to take steps backwards. I often wonder if I’m the right guy for the job, and then I just get back to work, day after day, to get the job done the best I can, and hope that indeed, I could be the right guy for this job.
I’m an entrepreneur.
I feel privileged, and hope that I don’t mess this up.
I feel like this is bigger than me… much bigger than me.
I feel like thousands of people need me to keep on plugging along, as my stuff (whether it’s JibberJobber or my books or DVD or blogs whatever) are making a difference to them.
I feel like my future is in MY hands. Not the CEO of Enron, or some board of directors, or some cranky boss… but my own hands. Please let me not screw this up.
I’m an entrepreneur. While it isn’t easy, it’s rewarding. I couldn’t imagine it any other way.