How does a leader develop emotional intelligence?

January 29th, 2021

I recently did a webinar, sponsored by Pluralsight, for people interested in becoming managers and leaders. I think you can sign up here and see the recording.

Pluralsight Emotional Intelligence

The conversation with Kevin Miller and Heather MacDonald was really good. I enjoyed learning from them as they talked about their experiences and paths into management.

Callie Kennel was on the webinar and messaged later asking for my thoughts on helping managers and leaders develop emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence, or EQ, had come up on the call a number of times. I talked about how I created a course on leading with emotional intelligence. I think that may be the most important topic I’ve ever covered. It’s not my most popular course, but if people watched and internalized the ideas from that course, which are basic principles of emotional intelligence…. wow! I can’t imagine how great the world would be! As I thought about this I thought “if everyone would start on the path to better emotional intelligence, companies, work environments, etc. would just be so much better!”

My course is a great primer on emotional intelligence. There are plenty of books and tons of articles on it. Instead of repeating some of the oft-repeated bits of advice, I’m going to share four suggestions based on my own experiences:

Strive to Become Self Aware

The first (of five) pillar of emotional intelligence is self awareness. We must understand who we are, how we think, what motivates us, how we act, etc. If we don’t understand ourselves, or increase our self awareness, can we ever understand our impact on others?

Becoming self aware can be pretty cool if you are pretty cool. But if you are a jerk, or have social issues, become more self aware can be very painful. You may have thought you were a good person, but then you come to realize you have a lot, maybe an insurmountable amount, of growing to do.

Becoming self aware is a lifelong journey. It requires being brutally honest, in a healthy way. It requires accepting you for where you are at, and figuring out what you should work on, without beating yourself up. Just as becoming self aware is a lifelong journey, making improvements is, too. The best leaders I’ve had the privilege to work with were continually doing something to better themselves… whether that was reading up on certain topics or trying new tactics, methods, systems, etc.

If you only work on this pillar for decades to come you will make great strides towards having higher emotional intelligence.

Learn to Respect Others

The third pillar is awareness of others. Becoming aware of what makes others tick, what motivates them, what they care about, etc. This pillar isn’t saying you need to be best friends, chummy, or overly social. Actually, it’s not even saying you need to be social. It is saying you need to really want to, and practice, understanding others.

Why do people choose to work hard? Is it for money, or because they want to be in good favor with a leader they admire? Why do people have a problem getting to work on time, or not finishing projects? What is making one person on your team struggle to get their work done, and why is your best performer the best performer?

When you respect others, you have the best hopes for them now, and for their future. In my experience, when a leader has this healthy respect for others, they feel it.

I’ve seen (and experienced) this. When a leader shows they care about the individual, not as an employee or a number, but as a real human with real issues and challenges, the person notices. When you are on the receiving end of this type of dignity and respect, you become super loyal to the leader.

I’m not saying you should increase self awareness just to have loyalty from your team, although that is a great benefit. You should increase social awareness because it makes you more emotionally intelligent. How do you do this? Talk to people. Really talk. Ask them questions… and then listen. Listen a lot. Practice active listening. Of course, I have a course on that, also: Becoming a Better Listener. Click the 10 day trial on either this or the other course, and you can watch both for free :)

Seek to understand (a 7 habits principle) what each person on your team wants, and how you can help them with their personal goals.

Becoming aware of others can be one of the greatest, and most satisfying, parts of your journey to increased emotional intelligence.

Pick a Social Skill and Practice It

When I talked about social skills (the fifth pillar) in my course, I advised you to pick a skill and spend time practicing it. Not an hour or two, but weeks, even months. Whether you are practicing presenting, negotiating, listening, empathizing, motivating, educating… whatever you choose to work on, do a deep dive to learn more. Learn everything you can. Write about it, maybe teach others about the skill, and definitely find opportunities to practice it.

I’m not sure that practice makes perfect, but practice definitely makes progress. Practice with the idea that you will make mistakes, or even fail. Get dedicated to getting better at whatever skill you’ve chosen to work on. Tell others you are working on that particular skill… this is what we call “making your path public.” You might find others, hopefully organizational leaders, will help you with more opportunities and even mentoring.

Making your path public means you have to be vulnerable, but I think the benefits will outweigh the risk.

Seek out opportunities, and then bravely practice. It might feel really weird at first. Maybe you are completely outside of your comfort zone, or perhaps you feel like everyone is watching and analyzing your every move. In either case, who cares? You are doing this for you. Anyone who might make you feel uncomfortable will most likely be completely out of your life in five or ten years. You aren’t doing it for them, you are doing it for Future You.

Learn about Emotional Intelligence

Want to get better at it? Do a deep dive into the topic. You can watch my course free here: Leading with Emotional Intelligence. Take notes and then start practicing some of the things I talk about.

Daniel Goleman is the author of THE book I kept getting recommended to, titled Emotional Intelligence. He has other books… get these and have them on your nightstand to get a regular infusion of the topic.

In addition, I’ve found that business classics like Win Friends and Influence People, 7 Habits, Good to Great, and the others have a foundation of emotional intelligence. Great leaders, great companies, great managers, and I’d argue highly satisfied and happier people have a high emotional intelligence, even if they never say “emotional intelligence” or EQ.

Study successful people through this new lens.

There you go. Learn and practice. Be the tortoise (note the hare) and let this journey be fun and forgiving.

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Big Data Big Questions Video Interview with Jason Alba and Thomas Henson

January 28th, 2021

Thomas Henson asked me to have a chat with him…. and it was a lot of fun! Jump over and check this out.

For those of you who haven’t heard me speak, or haven’t heard my story, or know much about me, and why I am so passionate about JibberJobber and Pluralsight and the Job Search Program, listen here (and what the heck, while you are there, give it a like):

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Organize Your Job Search: How to Log Networking Calls and Follow Up

January 22nd, 2021

I got this email question from a new user:

How do I log networking calls and follow up? Ideally, I want to have reminders set for follow up action items? I would like too jump start transitioning my paper notes as I am having multiple calls a day.

Thank you for this question! There is actually a lot to talk about here…

Organize Your Job Search With JibberJobber: Transition from Paper Job Organizing System

I want to start with this because it is critical. If you are starting to use JibberJobber (or any job search CRM or electronic job search tracking system) after you have already been using a paper-based system for days, weeks, or months, DO NOT TRY TO GET EVERYTHING YOU HAVE RECORDED INTO JIBBERJOBBER.

This could take a lot of time, and is generally a frustrating process. Of course, you have collected great information, so I’m not saying get rid of it, but I personally wouldn’t sit down and try to copy everything over to JibberJobber.

I would, however, start to move stuff over as it is relevant. Here’s how:

I would go through my old notes, looking for follow-up opportunities. Let’s say I contacted Joe and Sally two months ago and really should follow up with them. I would use the Email2Log feature, which I might argue will be your favorite feature moving forward, to (a) send them an email with my follow-up message, and (b) get them, and a new Log Entry, into JibberJobber.

This is easier than reading that last sentence. Simply put your special Email2Log address in the BCC field of the email you write to Joe or Sally, and we do all the work for you.

Here’s my big tip: In your follow-up email, include any information you want from your old notes, so that information becomes part of the Log Entry (meaning, you’ll transfer your old notes into JibberJobber). The more details you put in your email, the better. For example:

Sally, thanks again for the conversation we had a couple of months ago. I learned a lot, and have already reached out to Jim, John, and Tiffany, the three people you introduced me to. I’ve had great conversations with them and have found them to be valuable additions to my network.

When we talked you mentioned you were seeing some pretty significant changes to the industry. You mentioned how that might impact Competitor One and Competitor Two, and I’ve seen your predictions play out. That has become significant to me because it has opened up some new opportunities, which I’ve been investigating.

I’d love to have a follow-up conversation, and share what I’ve learned. Can we schedule a call early next week?

In this example you’ll see a lot of details that might have been in my notes from a couple of months ago… and now they’ll be in JibberJobber!

Just by sending an email this way, with Email2Log, you’ll be creating:

  1. A new contact record with first and last name
  2. The right email address under that contact record, important for future use of Email2Log
  3. A Log Entry with relevant information

Pretty soon you’ll find you have all of the important and relevant notes and contacts from your paper system into JibberJobber. As a bonus, you are getting one more touchpoint in with each person… something you should be doing anyway.

For more, check out this blog post I wrote a few years ago: JibberJobber Competition: JibberJobber vs. the Excel Spreadsheet.

How to Log Network Calls in Your Job Search

Okay, back to your first question. I wish we could log calls based on your actual call, tapping into your phone system, etc. But that is just too hairy. We are not a multi-billion dollar organization… so we don’t even have that on our roadmap.

However, the way to do this is as important and easy as what I described earlier: Use Email2Log after every call. Same as before, this ensures you get another touchpoint (follow-up is critical!!) and easily get the right information into JibberJobber.

And, same as before, make sure you write a detailed email including the main points of your conversation. Instead of, “Hey Jason, thanks for your time today! It was awesome!”, I recommend you write something like this:

Jason, thanks for your time today. I feel like we covered a lot of ideas, some of which I’m including in this email. I have more notes than this but wanted to include the highlights.

[put your notes here… maybe bullet points… something that will make sense to you in a year or so when you revisit them]

Also, I’ll make sure to follow-up on the introductions you’ll make to Jose and Pam. And, I already ordered the book you recommended (Shoe Dog, the Phil Knight memoir) and am excited to dig into it!

Thanks again, I’ll be in touch!

In a month or two, when I am set to follow up, I’ll be able to read this Log Entry and see what we talked about, who I was supposed to follow up with, and the book I need to talk about. Much better than “hey, thanks!”, right?

I know this adds a step to each call but IT IS WORTH IT. As you network more, and have more activity in your job search, you will be forever grateful for taking this extra step, and adding detail, to your notes. And, that immediate follow up with that level of detail. But that’s not the only follow up with this person, right? Afterall, we are looking to build our professional network, and these calls shouldn’t be a one-and-done thing. That brings us to the next question…

How to Create Follow Ups in the Job Search

Well, now we are getting to the fun stuff. What I’ve talked about above is the basics of Email2Log. The advanced stuff isn’t hard, but it is very, very cool.

I’m not going to share everything you *could* do, but I’ll tell you how to do this one thing (create a follow up (aka Action Item, aka Reminder)) with your Email2Log. To learn more, watch this short video (Getting Started: Email2Log: Special/Reserved Lines (4.3))

Simple put this line anywhere in the email (I recommend below your signature, and change the font to white if you want it hidden (although if the recipient prints your email, it will likely show on a printout):

startdate:1 week

What you put after startdate: could be absolute (like, a specific date) or relative (like, +1 week, +3 months, etc.).

What happens when you do this? Well, this is just Email2Log with one enhancement… so:

  1. You will create a new contact (unless the contact is already in, in which case it will match the email, and not create a duplicate)
  2. You will create a new Log Entry (like the examples above)
  3. You will create an Action Item date on that Log Entry. This will show up on your JibberJobber calendar, and on the Reminders list.

Easy… super easy. Once you get used to adding that you’ll love it.

And that’s about it. I don’t want to write a novel here, and sorry for how long it already is. But that’s how you move forward from where you are at.



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When the Job Search Is Like a Puzzle

January 21st, 2021

About a month ago my wife and our youngest kid decided we were a puzzle family. So they bought three puzzles, cleared off the dining room table, and started the first puzzle.

It went well. As it should have. We are (relatively) smart, and we had time. It was fun to spend time on a project as a family. The puzzle finished pretty quickly and I was left wondering “what is this huge hype around the world about doing puzzles? It’s too easy!”

Then, we started the second puzzle. It was way harder. Significantly harder. That’s okay though… we were puzzle rookies, and maybe we just happened to buy the hardest puzzle on the market. Somehow, with persistence, we muscled through it and finished the puzzle. Because, you know, we were smart.

Harry Potter Puzzle Job Search

So then… the third puzzle. We dumped it out on the table, flipped all the pieces right-side-up, and started finding all of the corners and edges. Immediately we realized that about 90% of the pieces all had the same coloring (black or almost black). This Harry Potter puzzle is (we still aren’t done) freaking hard. The pieces are way more varied than the other puzzles we have done. The colors are not helpful. And the way the pieces fit together are different than the other puzzles. We have definitely stepped into a new level of puzzling here. And we have, many times, questioned whether we are indeed a puzzle family or not.

Of course, me being me, I’ve thought about the parallels between our puzzling experiences and the job search. Here’s what I’ve come up with:

The System that Worked Before Won’t Work Every Time

The way I did the first puzzle was WAY different than how I am approaching this puzzle. The first puzzle had so much variety in coloring and patterns of the image that I only looked at the picture. And it worked just fine. But with this puzzle there are probably 50 or 100 pieces that are just plain black. No color patterns or differentiation.

When I started my Big Failed Job Search in 2006 I had to learn completely new tactics than what I thought I would be doing. Gone were the days of buying a newspaper and sitting at the kitchen table circling job ads in the wanted section. No, no, no.

When you start your job search today you’ll learn there are new ways to do things, and that some of the old ways just won’t work anymore.

Learn Job Search Tactics From Others

While working on the last puzzle our neighbor kids were over… a seven and a ten year old girl. I was sitting at the bench and they were on either side of me, standing. They kept saying “oh! I found a swoosh!” with glee. It was exciting for them. I kept looking at the picture of what I was creating and wondering “where in the heck is the swoosh??” After about the tenth time of their excitement I asked: “What is a swoosh?” Like it’s some little girl secret that I wasn’t privy to.

I was honestly shocked when they showed me the swoosh was a certain shape on some puzzle pieces. I realized they didn’t care about the colors of the pieces, or the pattern we were looking for… they ignored both of those. They were looking at the shapes of individual pieces. These girls could have put the puzzle together upside-down because they were looking at how pieces fit together!

And, while I was staring at what was in front of me, making no progress, these girls had put in like 10 pieces. This was the perfect example of learning from others, no matter who they were. In fact, learning from these children opened my eyes in new ways. I invite you to learn from others in your job search. Learn from people outside of your industry. Learn from insiders, old-timers, and as they say in India, “freshers.”

Just learn. Be open to new ideas, methods, approaches, etc. This, by the way, is a life skill that applies to just about everything we do… not just a current job search.

Progress Is Progress

Sometimes we’ll go to bed having put in like 3 or four pieces. Or, none at all (as is the case with this Harry Potter puzzle). I’ve learned that even finding ONE piece can be a major victory. And, over time, with the help of others, one piece leads to two, which leads to three, which leads to a whole section done, and the next thing you know you are putting in that last piece.

In the job search it is easy to feel like we are not making progress at all. We go to bed and think “well, I’ve sent ten emails and left three voice mails and haven’t heard back from anyone.” Dejection. Depression. I know it well.

But, ten emails and three voice mails today, and then again tomorrow, and then again the next day, add up. Eventually you’ll talk to someone. And then you’ll get closer to, as I say, “having the right conversation with the right people.” That is, eventually talking to a hiring manager about an opportunity you are hot on. Which, by the way, what my six week job search program is all about.

I know slow progress is frustrating. Not seeing forward movement is discouraging. Just realize that everything you are doing is moving you closer to your job. I know it doesn’t seem like you’ll ever get there, but you will.

Blaming Everything Becomes the Distraction

When we started one of our recent puzzles we were absolutely sure there were pieces missing. There were about 7 edge pieces missing… and we just couldn’t find them. So we counted puzzle pieces. Have you ever done that? It’s like counting goldfish in a bag (side note: I’ve done this plenty of times, since one of the snakes I owned only ate goldfish… counting goldfish is HARD. Harder than counting chickens :p).

We counted 504 pieces. Oops. Let’s try that again. 507 pieces. Um… we were supposed to get around 493 pieces, but we aren’t just short, we are over. Turns out, we are puzzle-counting-failures. After doing this a few times we just gave up counting. My wife looked up how to report missing pieces, and we finally just realized we should get as far as we could and then figure out what was missing. That seemed to take the romance (or, sense of accomplishment) out of the whole process… but what could we do. Probably never buy from that company again.

Frustration led to blaming the system and vendor and product.

Turns out, we had exactly 500 pieces, and they were all the right pieces. We just put one piece in the wrong place, which caused a chain reaction of bad placements. Once we figured that out we moved groups of edge pieces around and finally got it right. A few days later we had a completed puzzle. All of the time we spent trying to figure out what was broken, and taking the puzzle company’s name in vain, was time misspent. Wasted.

In the job search there are plenty of people to blame. Our last boss for letting us go. The executives for having made bad business decisions. The economy, the government, our “friends” who aren’t helping us get a job at their company, the resume writer we paid, LinkedIn for being dumb, etc. etc. etc. One of the worst targets to blame is OURSELF… for whatever. This leads to self-doubt and all kinds of destructive thinking that isn’t helpful to job seekers.

Blame takes time, and it is generally destructive. Don’t get me wrong: honesty, self-evaluation, and looking at reality are all good and healthy. But don’t make this central to what you need to work on. You need to get a job. You need to figure out what the right tactics are. You need to focus on working those right tactics. Focusing on blame, and letting that consume you, will waste time and make you angry at parties that really don’t deserve your time and energy.

Compartmentalize this for later… for now, focus on the task at hand.

Puzzles, Like the Job Search, Can Be Fun and Rewarding

After all of the frustration of working through a puzzle, putting that last piece in is so rewarding! The sense of accomplishment! The feelings of pushing through the impossible, making slow progress, and finding your groove! The rewards of finishing this trivial little project are hard to explain to people who weren’t involved. But the feelings are real.

This is going to sound weird to some of you, especially introverts, but I’m here to tell you: the job search, with a heavy networking focus, can be really fun! I hated networking until I realized that networking can easily mean deep one-on-one conversations, not going to a conference room with 500 people and being super superficial. I love learning about people, and their lives and history and what drives them and what they are looking for. I love helping people, once I understand how I can help.

The job search can be so lonely. I felt like I was the only one going through the struggle… all of my friends were gainfully employed. I was the ugly duckling. But finding my groove, working through things, and having mini-victories regularly was rewarding. Finishing my job search was rewarding. Small wins were sometimes my lifeline. And the final reward was ending the job search. Enjoy the journey… appreciate your growth and success. This is another life skill.

Vision Is Everything

Everyone who does a puzzle knows how important it is to keep the picture of what you are building in front of you. Usually this is the box the puzzle came in… which is always right next to your puzzle pieces. One of our puzzles had a big “poster” that we could reference. This picture helped us know where a puzzle piece might go. It also helped us keep the end goal in mind.

In the same way, you NEED to have a vision of what you want out of your job search. I recommend visualization tactics: what kind of company do you want to work for? What kind of boss, colleagues, projects, products, customers, schedule, commute, salary, benefits, etc.?

To get through the discouraging tedium of the job search, where you feel like you are making no progress day after day, hanging on to your vision of a brighter tomorrow, and a real reason for doing what you are doing, might be the only thing compelling you to send one more email, or make one more call. Experts and motivational speakers today talk about finding your WHY. Why are you doing things? What is it you are trying to get to, or create? You have to know your why, which will drive everything else you do.

Have a vision, believe in it, and work towards it. Your next job might not fulfill your vision, but could put you on the right path to getting there.

Puzzles and the Job Search

And so there you go. My kids have no idea that while I’m looking for that next black piece I’m really thinking about you, and your job search. My Big Failed Job Search was 15 years ago, but it has left an impression that won’t go away. It was life-changing. Yours might be, too. If nothing else, I hope you come out of this more empathetic towards others struggling in their careers, and with a resolve to be more helpful.


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Blogs for Branding: Length of a Post

January 18th, 2021

Blog posts can be as short as you want, and still be effective. Like this one.

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Becoming a Leader: Free Webinar

January 7th, 2021

Next week, on Thursday (1/14/2020) I will be part of a conversation Pluralsight is hosting along with Kevin Miller and Heather MacDonald.

Pluralsight From Individual Contributor to Technical Leader

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“I’ve been laid off 26 times!”

January 6th, 2021

Years ago, at the beginning of my JibberJobber journey, I was in Houston presenting at a few job clubs. I was invited to an outplacement networking group… which was a far cry from the churches I normally presented in.

This outplacement office was swanky. Seriously swanky. It was in a super nice building, on a top floor so it felt like an executive office. No expense was spared. It’s what they call a Class A facility, which means really expensive.

So I get there early and got to chat with a few of the job seekers. One guy said, with a weird mix of pride and conflicting feelings, “I’ve been laid off 26 times! What do you think I should do?”

JibberJobber Job Search Attitudes

“Write a book!” I told him. He was thinking how bad it was to be laid off 26 times… maybe he chose the wrong companies to go to, maybe economy happened, maybe Enron happened… but 26 times has to take a hit at your moral. When I said write a book I was looking at it from the other side: he had found a job 26 times! He was an expert in finding and landing jobs!

I often wondered what he would write in his book (which I’m sure he never wrote). Job search ideas, tactics, strategies, and attitudes that only someone like him, who lived through the emotional rollercoaster 26 times, could write.

This morning I was chatting with a friend and colleague about a pending job offer that was at a small, funded startup. She was concerned that working at a startup was risky… riskier than working at, say, a Fortune 500 company.

My advice came down to this: you have to understand your own risk tolerance. Then, figure out if the risk is worth it. Startups don’t inherently mean you’ll get laid off any more than Fortune 500 means you’ll have job security. I’d say the job security risk is about the same.

As we were chatting I remembered the 26 layoffs guy. I thought that perhaps the most important takeaway he could leave us is to be mentally prepared to always be looking for a job. Not necessarily applying, but you should always be networking. Always reinforcing and strengthening your personal brand. And eventually, when the time is right, get your multiple income streams up and running.

Really. I think more important that job search strategies (which will change with time) is the attitude that we have. Looking for job security? That’s probably the wrong thing to look for. Instead, figure out what you can do to be more hirable. How can you tap into the “hidden job market?” How can you have a presence in the right communities, EVEN IF you are an introvert? What skills can you work on to make yourself a more appealing hire?

Attitude over tactics. I’ve never thought about it that way before, but if you have the wrong attitude then tactics won’t matter that much… because you’ll just be back to “searching” sooner than you want.

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2021 Annual Theme: Accountability

January 1st, 2021

In 2006, during my Failed Job Search, I was at a job club networking meeting and they were talking about accountability. What I learned in that conversation went with me to my presentations around the world.

The facilitator said we MUST have someone to be accountable to. At the time, I was accountable to myself. TL;DR: It didn’t work. I needed to be accountable to someone else.

They made a strong plea to not have our accountability partner not be our spouse or significant other. That person is usually very emotionally invested in the outcomes, and will not be the same kind of accountability partner as someone who isn’t emotionally invested. I can’t emphasize the importance of this enough.

A few days ago I saw this tweet from my friend Caitlyn, and after pondering this year’s theme, I knew it should be accountability:

Accountability group.

Similar to a mastermind group.

Folks, this isn’t hokey stuff that weirdos do. These are strategic tactics that people who want to improve, change, and accomplish implement.

Finding someone you can report to is a strategic tactic.

I currently have people who for I’m an accountability partner. They report to me their status/progress, and sometimes if I don’t hear from them I ask for a status (although, generally, the person reporting should initiate the conversation instead of the accountability partner having to chase them).

Successful leaders have coaches, who many times are accountability partners.

This is a success principle. It is not a sign of weakness. It is not a sign of being incompetent. It is a sign of humility paired with the desire to improve.

We can all use the fruits of being accountable.

2021 seems like a great time to start.

If you don’t want to ask someone to be your accountability partner then GET A JOURNAL. And be accountable, in writing, to your journal. Don’t overthink this… here’s an example of what I did last year:

Considering my job is mostly sitting at my computer, I knew I needed to get more physical. So, in order to be more accountable, I send a text to someone every time I finish a ride on the exercise bike. I try to ride an hour and usually get somewhere around 20 miles in. I don’t think that is amazing, but for me it’s more important to be CONSISTENT. 20 miles, many times over the year, adds up.

So I send a text. I don’t care if I get a response. I don’t need an attaboy. But I send the text with the miles I do… like: 20.53. That’s it. BONUS: Since it is in my text history, I can look back and see how often I rode, and how my numbers were. I can see that coming off of a health issue I had to build up from 18 and 19 miles… and for a while there I was over 22 miles (that was a hustle for me!).

I am accountable to someone else, and I have a record for myself.

We are looking for the fruits, some of which come from being consistent with the process.

Whether you get a group, like Caitlyn did, or one person, or just your journal or a spreadsheet, become accountable.

Measure. Report. And then make decisions from there.

Here’s to an excellent 2021!

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