Comment

Depression Clouds Everything

October 29th, 2007
A bit of a ramble about a serious topic… something that I’ve been wanting to write about for a while… but not quite sure how to write about it.

I don’t consider myself emotionally unhealthy. In fact, with the exception of dealing with a big car accident when I was 17, I feel like I’ve either been in control of my life, or very comfortable with what has happening. I don’t think that I have suffered from anxiety or depression or similar things, although I’m close to people who have and know that it’s real and serious.

I have a high locus of control, which means I believe I have a significant impact on things that happen to me (career success, family success, etc.).

But, when I started my job search there were two major things going on.

First, I was managing and coordinating all of the logistics that go into a job search. There are a ton… from getting a resume together to getting it out, prepping for interviews, dressing right, networking, researching, etc. These are all mechanical things, things that you can get coached on from the “do these 10 things and you’ll land a job” lists.

In fact, they are so mechanical that you can easily define what needs to be done, how to do it, and figure out what tweaks are required because of your needs. You can come up with checklists and plans, and it’s all good… or it would seem to be all good.

This is all good news for someone with a high locus of control.

The second thing that was happening all of the emotional stuff happening. You see, I was on top of the world… I was the general manager of my company, on the board of directors, accomplished in school and feeling pretty good about myself.

And then I became a “job seeker.” This is the person that won’t get a call back, or an e-mail reply, from anyone. The job seeker is the person who tries to get interviews so that you can see just how great they are, and what value they’ll bring to your company… but they get nowhere. The job seeker is the guy who lost an income, but still has bills to pay.

When I first lost my job I remember reading an article on MSN – it was about a guy in Korea that lost his job, went to the zoo, entered an animal’s area, and climbed a tree and wouldn’t come down. Can you imagine what it takes for a professional to end up in a tree at the zoo, and then on international news? “At least,” I thought, “I’m not there.”

But day after day, the rejection, the self-doubt, all the bad stuff that happens when your world is turned upside down, the emotions where clouding things. Judgment was clouded, because I was desperate. Performance was clouded because I was scared. I certainly wasn’t used to dealing with these emotions, especially week after week.

It was also somewhat depressing to go to network meetings with professionals in transition who were going through similar things. I was pretty amazed that I met people who were in the same laid-off boat I was, who were much more accomplished than me. Would this never end?? I didn’t want to be in this situation regularly!

I dealt with it (by ignoring it). But I knew that others weren’t dealing with it there.

A few weeks ago I was at lunch with a good friend that I met during my job search. He had a very similar story to mine, a fast-paced career, good money, big titles and responsibility, and then he got cut out because of lame corporate politics. We got on the subject of emotions, and I said that this was the most surprising aspect of a job search for me, and I asked him if he dealt with negative emotions.

Since I had met him I knew him to be composed… I didn’t imagine that he dealt with them.

His reply was shocking: “Jason, it got to the point where I asked myself if it was the wrists or the neck.

For those of you who haven’t been jobless yet, thinking that you give 110% to your company and they’ll take care of you, mark my words, the emotional aspect of a job search, no matter what your locus of control is, may be the most surprising, derailing thing you have to deal with in your job search.

I’m not sure if I’ll get comments on this post or not… but it is a serious issue. If you have anything you feel comfortable sharing, leave a comment.

530 Comments »

530 responses to “Depression Clouds Everything”

  1. Lane Zane says:

    No, I won’t be voting Republican. Even though I’m not happy with either party, I feel the Democrats will be for the unemployed. I remember how the Republicans delayed the vote on the extension of benefits while the unemployed were suffering. I have a friend who finally got a job after one year of unemployment. It’s just taking longer and I’m doing everything to increase my chances of finding a good position. I’m taking computer classes, and will be doing volunteer work. I don’t think Ben Stein has a clue what is going on. He just wants press like a lot of stupid politicians who make stupid remarks.

  2. Rich says:

    Amen to what Brian and Susan just said.

    I think at least 90% of us who have been through some kind of reversal in our working life — laid off, fired, unable to find a job, or just unable to move ahead — have looked long and hard at our own part in our situation. Maybe we *could* do better and find more effective ways of taking action. That doesn’t change the fact that outside forces are at work too. That employment is stuck around 10% — the official rate anyway — and underemployment much higher, that whole categories of jobs have been shipped off to China (by many of those people Ben Stein knows), that many employers discriminate blatantly and with impunity.

    People like Stein — and I seem to notice it much more with conservatives: I’m willing to entertain the possibility that my own bias may be entering in — draw a false dichotomy betwen compassion and individual responsibility.

  3. Brian says:

    Companies today in America have no compassion. Arrogant, sociopathic and Machaivallian personaliy traits are rewarded at corporations and these are the folks running big business. Not only have millions of jobs been outsourced overseas, but those currently working are forced to work multible jobs, longer hours and for stagnant wages. All for the bottom line.

    It’s amazing to me that the wage ratio of top CEO’s is 300 to 1 compared to the average worker where it was 24-1 40 years ago. People forget how many of these people backdated their stock options, manipulated corporate balance sheets and income statments just to get a higher payday on the corporate stock they were generously awarded.

    New CEO’s come in with their lawyers, negotiate front and back end golden parachute severance deals and corporate jet perks with disinterested corporate board members. We have seen over and over again where a Stan O’Neil at Merrill, or Jim Cassano at AIG end up destroying the companies they’ve worked for, walked away with hundreds of millions in pay, crawl back to their Greenwich CT mansions, while the lilttle guy gets laid off with a decimated 401k pension.

    If this were 18th century France, people like you and me on this web would drag them out of their mansions and lob off their heads.

    I know I sound angry and radical, not really. Just venting LOL

  4. Struggling To Stay Positive says:

    If you want to know what many Republicans think of the unemployed — Ben Stein is not alone in his contempt for us —

    Have a look at the comments on a New York Times did an article about a woman manager who was laid off, spent her savings, couldn’t find a job, and ended up in a motel with her cat, continuing to look for work via the internet.

    http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/03/us/03unemployed.html

    The article was very compassionate and not political or blaming at all. Most comments on the article were very kind.

    But one-third of the comments, from people who clearly adhere to politically conservative and Republican views —

    they trashed her for being unemployed, said she hadn’t tried hard enough to find a job, suggested that she get rid of her cat (!!!!!), etc. — they said her three grown sons should take her in, ignoring the reporter’s clarification in the comments — that one son is unemployed and living in a tent (!!!!), another son is teaching English for minimum wage in Latin America and one son is estranged from the family —

    The hundreds of Republican commenters on the article basically viewed the woman as a criminal for being laid off. If you read the comments to the article you will see what I am talking about.

    Now I’m the only Democrat in a family full of Republicans, and I normally don’t make suggestions about peoples’ voting habits. But I would urge everyone on this thread to think carefully when you place your vote in November.

  5. Dana says:

    America is becoming a third world country.
    Ben Stein is an idiot. It is easy to speak horribily of the unemployed when he himself is not unemployed and has plenty of money to spare. Why should the opinion of a pseudo-economist and a second rate actor matter?

    “Companies today in America have no compassion. Arrogant, sociopathic and Machiavellian personality traits are rewarded at corporations” How true!

    The woman in the article should not get rid of her cat because at this point the cat is probably her best friend.

    I write this homeless and from my tent. Strange as it seems there is a freedom from being on the bottom.

  6. Struggling To Stay Positive says:

    Dear Dana:

    I agree with your comments!

    You are especially correct that the woman should not get rid of her cat. In the picture, it seemed like a friendly and affectionate companion.

    Dana, I will put in some prayer for you and your tent this weekend. There is a freedom being on the bottom, but I’ll put in some blessings for you.

  7. reinkefj says:

    @LaneZane I too am unemployed. At 63, I doubt I’m ever going to have another job.

    That being said, “Unemployment Insurance” is a BAD public policy.

    To a drowning man, it’s hard to lecture that a life preserver was an unnecessary expense on the Titanic. (Life preservers in the frigid water meant you slowly froze to death as opposed to quickly drowning.

    “To me it’s just a made up word. A politician’s word, so young fellas like yourself can wear a suit and a tie, and have a job.” — Red in The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

    It’s purpose to give politicians “talking points” and bureaucrats jobs. The politicians can posture and bureaucrats can shovel paper. And, as a public policy, it encourages people, at the margins, and at the lower earning levels, to NOT diligently search. It’s like welfare that saps the ambition to do better.

    Unemployment Insurance is not insurance. The loss of a job is not like a tornado, flood, or fire. It’s not a random event. The crappy economy is CAUSED by the politicians and bureaucrats. And, as such, the unemployed get screwed.

    We’d be better off without it. Make our own “unemployment insurance”. Don’t collect that payroll tax, Don’t have all those bureaucrats. And, make politicians accountable for their actions. For example, what employer, in their right mind, with Obamacare, higher taxes, and a slowing economy coming at them, would ADD an employee now?

    And, it’s BOTH parties. They both SUCK!

    Bottom line, it’s the spending. And, the unfunded entitlements. And the extra regulations. And, the cabal of politicians, Wall Street, Bankers, Federal Reserve, and all the bureaucrats that make it impossible to do business and have a thriving economy.

    In short the politicians killed the “golden goose” — the economy. And, it’s up to us, “We, The People” to instruct them in the error of their ways. D or R, if they are an incumbent, then they need to go.

    P.S., Why are we giving wealthy politicians lucrative pensions? Their pensions are more than most people make. That’s nuts. Political pensions should be nuked! Another expense we don’t need.

  8. Brian says:

    reinkefj,
    you’re right – both parties do suck. I’ve always believed that the Republicans were for big business and the Dems were for the little guy. Those lines have become muted over the years. The unions in this country started out with altruistic intent, but know have become a lead weight around the neck of future prosperity in this country.

    For those like us who are unemployed, especially those over 50, prospects look pretty grim. In the first week of April, I had 3 separate telephone interviews with the hiring manager and two HR people. Then a week later came a skype/video call with 3 additional people. Two weeks later, I bought two new suits and flew to Dallas to conduct a full day interview with seven people at their facility. I put together a powerpoint presentation and a business plan. Several weeks go by with no feedback.

    Finally, HR contacted my recruiter and said all the meetings in Dallas went very well, especially with the hiring manager. They were very interested in me for this position. To make a long story short, no response for another two months. Finally, one last telephone interview came with the Senior Vp at the firm.
    END RESULT: The senior guy said “I’ve been out of work too long”!!!!

    It’s amazing to me how cold these people are! My experience with HR people is that they never get back to you, keep you hanging on a string. I know they have a lot of candidates to deal with, but how about a quick thirty second e-mail. That’s the least they can do after you expend all that time working through their interview phalanx!!

  9. reinkefj says:

    @brian

    May I suggest that from now on you are NOT “unemployed”?

    Form up an LLC with a catchy name, pay the less than 500$, and you are now a consultant!

    Hey, it’s not dishonest, you are consulting! You are consulting with these various companies as to how you can identify and solve their problems.

    (I know more than one wall street firm that used job interview as an unpaid consultant and collected all the ideas. Hence, I advise all baby turkeys, to play PAsR interviewing. Problem statement, Analysis & solution, and Results. Tell them about the PROBLEM you see, and the RESULTS you can achieve, while hiding the ANALYSIS you did and the SOLUTION that you would deploy. No free consulting help. The write it up like you would an engagement. Sanitize the names and you have an “engagement”. Of course, you give ALL your Customers an NDA whether they ask for it or not. It’s just an “unpaid” engagement.)

    You might even find that you can “sell” into these companies. I did.

    Underhanded? Maybe. “Unemployed too long”? Definitely “barbara streisand”!!!

    the big fat old turkey hisself,
    fjohn

  10. paula says:

    I have been looking for a year now. My husband is also out of work. We left big jobs to pursue a dream before the crash. Our dream never materialized and we are now over 50 and trying to get back on the wheel. Today, I created fliers to distribute for house cleaning services. I’ve decided to do what I can do and stop fooling myself. It ain’t gonna happen so why push that thousand pound rock up the hill for nothing. After countless resume tweaks, carefully crafted cover letters, phone screens, interviews, wardrobe upgrades, I have nothing to show but a file of TNT letters. No one wants a 55 year old woman on their team. Although I’m in good shape and can pass for 45, they figure it out as soon as the old applications gets submitted. So, f them all.. I’m no stranger to poverty and hard work. I carried a baby on my back in college. I graduated with high honors, found employment, promoted, earned respect and wealth. So, now, it’s all gone. I even had to let my home go into foreclosure. But, I have my health and a couple of terrific kids. Cleaning house is looking like a great career change about now. Find another path. It will set you free.

  11. Struggling To Stay Positive says:

    Dear Brian, rein, and Paula:

    I admire all of you more than I can say for your toughness.

    Suggestion: consider going back into careers you abandoned long ago. I have gone back to work as a freelance writer, because my two other career fields collapsed.

    Here is a website on internet content writing:

    http://master-dayton.blogspot.com/2010/04/how-i-became-freelance-writer.htm

    Here is a free ebook to download on how to get started on internet content writing:

    http://www.nojobformom.com/2010/08/14/how-to-create-a-free-ebook/

    If you have business skills, you can write businesss articles.

    Cordially,

    Strugglng To Stay Positive

  12. Struggling To Stay Positive says:

    Also here is a Linkedin group for internet content writers. Membership in Linkedin.com is free.

    http://www.linkedin.com/groups?mostPopular=&gid=2827548

  13. Dear Struggling,
    Thank you for the writing leads. I do write, but have never considered doing it for a living. It’s worth a try.

    Regards,

    Paula

  14. Struggling To Stay Positive says:

    Dear Paula:

    Glad to be of use! If you join the Linkedin group, you’ll be hanging out with a number of people who have taken up writing and trade information. Sometimes the cash paid for internet articles is peanuts, but every dollar helps.

    Cordially,
    Struggling To Stay Positive

  15. benilaw says:

    I previously posted but can’t seem to find that post. Anyway, I wanted to give all of you “experienced” or “older” folks some food for thought:
    Age discrimination cuts both ways. Entry-level people are having a terrible time landing a job in this market in just about every field. Why? Because so many “experienced” people have been laid off and employers pick them first since they can “hit the ground running.” Employers don’t want to take the time out to train us new grads/newly licensed professionals anymore and don’t see the need to do so with a surplus of workers with years of experience under their belt!

    If you’re unemployed due to layoffs, “downsizing” or whatever fancy word your employer used, your pitch to employers should be “I can save you time and money on training costs AND I am willing to take a lower salary.” Us entry-level newly licensed people just want a chance to START our careers but at least in my experience, nobody is willing to train newbies anymore. Whatever happened to “on-the-job-training” or working your way up? It’s amazing how much gov’t, politicians push this notion that we need more people with higher education (probably because the student loan industry supports them financially!) when in reality companies want people with LESS education and MORE work experience! What a contradiction from the story that’s been shoved down our throats since childhood that a college degree/advanced education will give us an edge, increase earning potential, etc. Even Americans with degrees in math, science, engineering/IT are struggling to find work!

  16. […] an advocate of getting through depression in the job search.  I guess you could say I’m a Type A guy, and being out of control really stinks.  I […]

  17. C Bailey says:

    Having been unemployed now for ……..well let me see next week…… will be the 2nd anniversary….of being Layed off from my job of 16 yrs. A Job that I really did enjoy. While it was stressful, I can at least say that I had the experience of Great Bosses, and a truly great bunch of people who I also considered my extended family. I no question went through a grieving process for the job, and the people that I would no longer have the interaction with, while it wasn’t daily interaction it was a interaction that would be missed.

    I know that sometimes job losses are the way of large companies, contract companies come and take the jobs for less that it cost the company to do with their own employee’s. No benefits are paid out to the contract workers. I also know in applying for the contract positions that those employed are not earning what would be a decent wage, and are not able to take full advantage of the write off on taxes that they should be able to due to the contract companies terms.

    So…I have been applying for jobs now for two years, with very little response. While I can say I have had some response…I can’t say that it has led to a job…

    I don’t know how someone can ask you to go to work for a possiblity of 10 hrs a month and call it employment…and expect that you will for the lowest wage possible and maybe a possibility of 10 hrs a month expect you to insure your vehicle @ a cost of 2000.00 per six month policy. I did the math….It would not even pay for the insurance to take the job…forget pay my bills….I guess I would have to have more than a few jobs if I took that one.

    So while I am still hunting for a job, hopefully one that has some hours and benefits…or at least give me the option to pay for them with a regular check….I am frustrated. This still comes to the surface every few months….there is nothing like questioning why you are not getting any responses.

    I know I was a good employee, that I worked hard, and that I gave more than 100%. I never had a bad review, never was written up or verbally warned for any issues. I know that I went above and beyond in doing my job. Helped others etc…..so I know that my questioning the reasons is not the answer…but it doesn’t keep it from coming back to the front of my thinking…

    Even when you know the job market is really like hunting with the rest of the town. In a location that the local unemployment rate is nearly 13%….it makes it more of a challenge to find a job. I am actually hoping for at least 2 Possibly one of them being full time and the other part time.

    So I wish everyone luck …..and yes…depression is still visiting….while I am doing my best to make sure its not staying……after all I like me better with out it too!

  18. reinkefj says:

    @CBAILEY

    An observation, a comment, and a suggestion. Offering all three with consummate humility, I’m only doing a little consulting on the side and have probably been forcibly retired by the Bush / Obama Depression. (A plague on all politician’s houses!)

    Observation: You refer to the job you no longer have as “my job”. That’s the “gold watch era” or “union man” thinking and vocabulary sneaking into your writing. It was never “yours” to have. It may have felt like “yours”, but it never was. Perhaps, that vocabulary and thinking is tripping you up.

    Comment: Perhaps what you are seeking no longer exists. I don’t know what you did to extract value for your employer from which you retained some. (Yeah, I know convoluted way to say “how you earned your paycheck”. I’m working on my own vocabulary and thinking.) But, farrier after the car became popular? What you used to do may be being done in India or not done at all. Perhaps it’s time to grow into something new and different.

    Recommendation: (Now this may sound duplicitous. That sounds so much better than lying.) I suggest that no one is ever “out of work”. What everyone is doing is consulting with organizations to identify their needs and bring solutions to bear. Hence you’re a “consultant”. (Quick whip out one of your business cards, free from Vistaprint!) The fact that compensation may be deferred until they hire you and you complete the drug test, doesn’t change the fact that you are “employed”. (After all what’s an internship? Or a doctor’s residency.) So, be a “consultant”. You can form up an LLC for under 500$. And, it gives you cover and stature. If anyone asks for your Client (note the capitalization) list just say NDA! (Trust me no one will look further. They will be too interested in try to get free advice.) If they ask you why you want to change, tell them that you “want to do; not sell and collect overdue AR.”.

    I hope this lets you know that your not alone.
    fjohn
    the big fat old turkey hisself

  19. C Bailey says:

    @reinkefj

    First thank you for all your input!! It is always good to hear a new perspective and one that I may add I do like as well. Though I never quite made the same connections. And had to Laugh at myself for the “MY Job” statement. You are quite correct in that…I need to change my thinking…and phrasing as well.

    I was employed, in Consumer goods, while many would have a hard time connecting that with a Tobacco Company, (As an Outside Service Representive). While the position is no question a dying one, seems service always goes eventually when a need for higher profits is the purpose.

    So while this job is not shipped overseas….it’s become a burden to others still employed, in the form of more to do and the same pay. I have had a job shipped out though, One to Mexico in the late 80’s…which at the time was a factory job. That was also devastating at the time.
    While this is the continuing trend, I hope that the trend for more employers to want to have business done in country, would start to see an increase.
    After all would you rather see an impact in your own country’s economy than to ship manufacturing and outsource what could positively impact your country, neighbors, friends and family?

    And because I am concerned…..please don’t reference yourself to a turkey at this time of year…..after all it’s getting very close to Thanksgiving… :)….you will have to be careful! *laughing as I typed that*…keeping a sense of humor as you can see is a Must!

    Thank you!

    C Bailey

  20. Struggling to Stay Positive says:

    Dear Friends:

    Here is a link to a Huffington Post article on why some employers only want to hire people who are already employed or who have lost their jobs only recently, and are refusing to hire long-term unemployed people on the grounds that the “good people are already working” — a statement that is manifestly untrue:

    ://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/10/08/employers-continue-to-dis_n_756136.html

    Whereas the posts on this thread make it clear that the good people are not all working. I have never heard this statement during any other recession. It is frankly crazy.

    Cordially,
    Struggling To Stay Positive

  21. […] The Dark Side of Job Loss October 18th, 2010 I wrote about my own dark side at Depression Clouds Everything. […]

  22. […] Blog. Posted under Uncategorized on October 18th, 2010 I wrote about my own dark side at Depression Clouds Everything. I also wrote about losing your identity (and other things) at I Lost More Than My Job 2 Years Ago. […]

  23. Bill Nelson says:

    So glad to have found this blog and all the subsequent comments via a twitter feed!

    I am now in my 2nd job search in 5 years. I wish I had answers that were cut and dry but we have all learned that just isn’t the case. I would/will do just about anything but the fact is-so will a lot of other people out there. There is 1 ‘seasonal’ job at a local ‘big box’ retailer where I recently looked.

    The perspective that helps me stay sane is this: My faith. If I’m guessing, many people reading this won’t understand this view, but I would hope that you someday might. The same faithful God who brought me the last job I had is the same faithful God who ended it AND who will bring me the next one.

    A couple of excellent books that I’ve been reading through this time that are very challenging/helpful are: Plan B by Pete Wilson and True North by Bill George. Plan B is a great perspective book on what happens when God doesn’t show up like I think he should. True North has been a great book to help me figure out my leadership style.

    A mentor passed this wisdom on to me: “Just do the next right thing.” One step in front of the other…

    One final thought: “The Time and Distance between the ‘now’ and the ‘not-yet’ is where God calls us to faith.”

    Fighting for perspective daily!

  24. […] and are not able to network or interview well.  Two of my most popular blog post are about job search depression and about how we communicate in a job search (analogy: “don’t let HR smell […]

  25. Dana says:

    Just checking in and want everyone to know that I pray that this misery ends for everyone. God bless and stay well through it all.

    Try to have a good Christmas and hopefully the New Year will bring promise. Most of all show comprassion, especially at this time when it is badly needed.

    Answers are few and despair is great.

  26. paula says:

    Hope is a loaded word for me these days. It seems like every time I allow myself to be hopeful, something terrible happens. I gave up my job at the end of 2008 to care for a terminally ill parent. It was a great job and I was torn, but, I had promised Mom to care for her until the end. Many friends encouraged me to place her in nursing care. I didn’t listen feeling that a job could be replaced, my mother not.

    After Mom passed, I began my job search. The rest is history. I am 56. No one wants me. I have over 200 applications out there. I have rewritten my resume a hundred times. I have taken additional certification courses. I have networked. I have prayed. I do good works every day for others, and yet I cannot land a job. I had to let my home go into foreclosure. I had to borrow from my 401 k. Now, I taking anxiety medication because the street is near. I could move in with my son, like he needs the burden of an unemployed parent.

    So, there is no flipping hope anymore no matter how you spin it. Giving up is an option. It beats the street.

  27. Bill Nelson says:

    Paula,
    I read your post just this morning and it struck my heart! Please don’t give up!
    From what you say, you sound like a compassionate woman who probably raised a compassionate son. Don’t think for a minute that your son would rather live without you in this world than to have you live in his house for a season of life.
    You mention that you pray so I presume that you are at the least a religious woman. I don’t know “what” you are putting your hope in, but I know my own struggle was that my hope for so long was tied to whatever job or lead I had or was pursuing at the time. I found out that my hope needs to be in the one who PROVIDES the solution (i.e. God who does know all despite my feeling sometimes that He doesn’t know me, I believe the Bible that He does), not simply the next SOLUTION.
    Don’t give up-call your son. Humble yourself and move in with him for a season if that is what it takes. That option beat the street or giving up-by a long shot.
    Please don’t give up.

  28. Struggling to Stay Positive says:

    Dear Paula:

    You gave your son life. He can host you for a few months, if necessary. You took care of your mother. Ask your son if he can give you a hand.

    Cordially,
    Struggling to Stay Positive

  29. C Bailey says:

    Paula,

    While I understand that you may feel that giving up maybe easier than being on the streets, remember that people that love and care for you would NOT agree with you.

    Even if they were to join you on the street they would still rather you be here and be with you no matter WHERE you are. Please understand the gift you gave your Mom is something that was just that, a gift.

    Also understand that the gift you gave of your time and love to her, you also deserve…and should be able to accept from your son, I understand if you feel you don’t want to be a burden to him. You may be the only one who feels that way, he may feel blessed to be able to help you or have you with him.

    Hope is something that will ebb and flow like the ocean, some days it seems abundant and others like you can’t hold on to it. I know that & live that also.

    I know I want to see better days, I am going to go and take care of my mother this week, though unemployed now 2+ yrs, I still see this as a gift that I can give her. She is having bypass surgery on the 20th of Dec… while i am spending and selling things to do what I need to help her I would still do this as my Mom is the best source of strength for myself, and I only have a short time with her in this life.

    I also have the option to move in with her and while I don’t want to be a burden to my Mom, and have struggled with doing this, it may be the option that is the best option. I felt much the same way you do about living with your son. When I spoke to my Mom, I found that it was just my feelings that are the issue. I still struggle with the option, as I don’t feel like I should be asking for my 60’s something mother to support me financially. But I know she would rather see me here fighting than not here at all.
    (even if it’s myself that I am fighting on this one). I have been out of work for over 2 yrs, and while I don’t know what the next step will be for me following caring for my Mom at this time. I know that i am doing the right thing for me in being there for her, as you were for your mother.

    Please understand that your outlook may not be shared by others who love you~thus the burden you may feel in asking your son he may not feel like it’s a burden but a gift. Remember you don’t know how he may feel about it unless the conversation has been had.

    If you must give up, give up the thought that being here= being a burden…you are a gift even if you don’t know it!! Treat yourself as one, you have love to give and share….and that is the best gift you could bless anyone with, family, friends, or strangers all would be happy to share love & compassion.

    So while I understand the struggles you are facing, I urge you to be a gift, share the love you have & speak to your son about it.

    Sending a BIG HUG your way, as it is all I can give you today, and even if I don’t personally know you, I love you~ as I would myself, give yourself what you are willing to give others….compassion, time, and love, but more than anything~give yourself time…. to rest the mind you and your family deserve it.

    C Bailey

  30. Cynthia says:

    Dear Paula,

    Please do not give up! Place your hope in Jesus, not the job market. Read Matthew 6: 26 over and over again. That is where your hope belongs.

    My circumstances are different from yours right now, as are my Mom’s, but even though my family is barely making ends meet, it would be my privilege and pleasure to have my Mom move in with us.

    Unfortunately my Mom seems is being stubborn and even though she took care of an ailing spouse, and two ailing parents until their deaths (the last was daily caretaking for 6 years) she will not allow her child to take care of her. It is pure joy when I do have my Mom at my house, especially when dinnertime rolls around – she likes to cook for a family and on her own doesn’t have the opportunity.

    Please talk with your son, put down your pride, and allow him to invite you into his home. If he is half the man I believe you’ve raised, he will be honored to help you. Therre are ways that you can contribute so you will feel less of a burden. The two of you need to have the conversation and then pray about the solution.

    Bu please, whatever you do, do not give in to hoplessness – that is the Devil’s playground. It is in times of trial that God wants us to become dependent on Him so that our lives are for His glory.

  31. Dana says:

    Dear Paula,

    You need a hand up and your son is the only one who can give it to you. Reach out because living on the streets which I currently do is more than difficult.

    Pray for better days and I will pray you make that phone call.

  32. Struggling to Stay Positive says:

    Dear Dana: Glad to hear from you again. I remember your message written from a tent several months ago. I will put in another prayer for you and Paula.

    Many blessings,
    Struggling to Stay Positive

  33. Dave says:

    Dear everyone

    I was in the same position as most people in this site about 2 years ago. I was out of work for about 4 months in 2007 after being told to leave by a tyrant boss from hell who used every dirty tactic possible to set me up for failure to vacate my post for his office ‘girlfriend’ who was in a lower post and was eyeing my post and threatend to resign if she does not get the position i was in. HR did nothing to stop this tyrant boss by then it was too late he had polluted their minds against me and i was given unrealistic goals to achieve or lose my job. That was 2 years ago but i’m still so haunted by the experience and the anger still eats me up to this day when i think of it/ When i was kicked out during the 4 months the tyrant boss destroyed every chance i had with another job interview (they would call him being the last post i was in for reference check and he would destroy my chance). Finally i had to take a lower position job and luckily this hiring manager knew of my siutation there and chose not to take his side and gave me a chance but i had to start at a lower level again – so i did and ate my humble pie for a year plus until a better opportunity came along which i am now in for a year plus. This is life some people have smooth sailing career and lots of luck they are not the most hardworking people just that they have the right contacts the right luck on their side and they now how to WORK SMART. Getting a toxic bad boss can ruin your career and life so beware out there.

  34. Stefan of Melbourne, Australia says:

    Thanks to everyone here from someone down under.

    I am here because I was looking for answers during a job search that was meant to last several weeks that has now become several months. Self doubt grows like a weed. It must be pushed back by positive action and a resistance to sitting still. As Winston Churchill said, and I do try to practice: defiance in defeat! (but hard to do).

    What I find remarkable is that this unemployment tests you to your very foundations. It seems this is normal way of coping or reaction for losing our misplaced sense of self, made strong by our attachment to a workforce persona. For the real Stefan (you) is here, and was all long, is not really different, with or without a job. What suffering we impose on ourselves, how fragile we are!

    While struggling with this sense of getting nowhere, I notice it feels like a rehearsal for retirement and it has been very interesting: I have found that without appointments and commitments to others we must keep, I felt the slow slip into ennui much more quickly. Thank God I had the sense to listen to my brother and join the men’s eccentric choir, the “Men in Suits”.

    While trying to stop myself feeling any worse than I am today, I feel it helps at the minimum make a plan to see someone or be somewhere at a certain time, or commit to doing something nice for someone.

    All the best to you all.

  35. Dana says:

    Noone has posted for awhile. Is everyone still here?

  36. Stefan of Melbourne, Australia says:

    Certainly am. Posts often stop dead after I post. Not sure why. :)

  37. […]  The unexpected hard part is dealing with all of the emotions… (check out the ever-popular Depression in the job search post (and a follow-up on dealing with job search […]

  38. C Bailey says:

    I think everyone took a break for the holidays and yes, I am still here somewhere…..:), as I am sure others are as well.

  39. Dana says:

    Again anyone?

  40. Dana says:

    Hello everyone,

    I know no one has posted in awhile. I hope everyone is still with us. I hope that those who are struggling can find suppoert here. I hope that those who were stuggling have found what they needed.

    Please chime in and let us know. It feels kinda of lonely here.

  41. Struggling to Stay Positive says:

    Dear Dana:

    I’m sure we are all here. I put in some prayer for you a while back. How are things?

    Cordially,
    Struggling to Stay Positive

  42. Dana says:

    The same but I had a job interview las Thursday, so I’m hoping.
    I ask everyone here to put out prayers for me.
    Thank you, Struggling to Stay Postive for your prayers for me.
    I shall pray for you also and everyone who needs and wants it.

    How are thing with STSP?

  43. Struggling to Stay Positive says:

    Dear Dana: Very glad that you had a job interview! I’ll put in some prayer.

    Things are very difficult for me right now — too long to explain — if you have time to put in a prayer for me, it would be appreciated!

    Cordially,
    Struggling to Stay Positive

  44. Lane says:

    My situation is still the same. I’m unemployed, going on 1yr and 2 mos. I do volunteer work to keep busy. It seems like there are more jobs available but I haven’t found anything yet. I keep hoping things will improve. My best wishes to everyone in my situation.

  45. Dana says:

    Dear STSP and Dave,
    You have my prayers and I hope your situations improve. I been struggling for 3 plus years. They say the economy is getting better but truthful and hate to negative,but I fail to see it.
    I’m hoping to get the job that I interviewed for because it really the last stop here in Philadelphia, PA. I tried everything and most likely will have to move on. To where I don’t know but it better than living like I am..homeless.
    Dave it good that you keep busy by volunteering. Keeps your mind busy and socially active. I too wish everyone the best in this horrible situation. God Bless and my prayers.

  46. Blissful says:

    Hi everyone!

    I have not posted in a long time – not that my life is all happy go lucky but I was so discouraged at one point so I just stopped looking. then I started graduate school and will be done in about 4-5 months. In the mean time I am working part time. I lost my career in public accounting back in 2008. then landed a part time contract job in late 2009 and is still employed. But it’s not really in my field, however is still a moderately technical job. I am a changed person. My outlook has been more positive and optimistic. Please do understand that I am not even in my career field so my life is not golden. But I am hoping that with the right connection and timing it’ll help me get my career. I need to put my skills to some good use. The pay is nothing even close to what I used to make. I have not saved any money since late 2008. I live paycheck to paycheck. I have not invested any money into my retirement account. I am sooooooooo behind!

    What I learned in my Economics class is quite disturbing. The economy is actually not getting better. WHen you hear on the news that unemployment rate decreased, well it’s not because people are getting jobs it’s because people become so discouraged that they dropped out of the labor force and stopped looking for work so the #unemployed/labor force = a lower percentage. When you think that the stocks market improved and you’re getting more returns on your investment; well that’s not really the case here. The Federal Reseve purposely devalued the dollar so we appear cheap to the foreigners to invest in us. When there is a high demand for dollars, the price for investing in dollars will go up. That is the law of supply and demand in economics. So now, all of a sudden it looks like your ROI is getting so much better. The government is trying to make you think that you’re wealthier so that you can go out and start spending again. That will put more money into the circulation of the economy. But what they don’t understand is that we’re NOT going to spend more money if we don’t have JOBS!!!!!!!!!
    I can go on and on about the economy!

    Thoughts???

  47. Dana says:

    Please forgive me I called you Dave instead of Lane. Thank you Blissful for clarifying the economy. I think the actual uemployment rate is much higher than what the gov’t quotes. They say it has declined and it has for reasons that you have quoted, but I think if the gov’t quoted the actual the people would panic. It’s more like 20% and that’s scary.

  48. Blissful says:

    Hi Dana – sure no problem. 20% is extremely high. But I am not surprised. As I learned in gradschool; currently there are 15million people unemployed. The government would have to create about 150,000 per month in order for our economy to maintain it’s stability. This is talking about an economy that is not in a recession. But since we are in a deep recession, imagine how much more above 150,000 you have to go. My professor said about 300,000 a month. But we’re barely there right now.

    I wish tha I could go back and change my spending habits when the economy was good. Actually, that was the government’s fault that we’re in this deep recession. People spending beyond their means because banks were allowing it. Remember that time when banks were lending money to those that couldn’t afford to pay back?

    Truthfully, the dollar is just a piece of paper with writing on it. But who am I to convince everyone? We can easily have more dollars – the government just need to print them!!! But if the do that, then our dollar will become worthless (if there are too many floating around in our economy).

    anyway, I went off the tangent again. Oh, I was saying I wish I was a better saver back then but I never was. I have a small chump change but that won’t be like a life savings type of deal. I am in my late 20s and I don’t have my own property. I used to think that by a certain time in your life you’re supposed to be established and own a home. But I still have not gotten that far. All this education – for what??

  49. Dana says:

    I don’t know if the economy will ever get back on track. It seems like there needs to be alot of catching up tp do. There also needs to be alot jobs shifting also. The jobs that are gone will never come back and those who became unemployed because of it will need to become re-educated. It just seems like a hugh task.
    I’m in my mid-forties and have nothing. I had to go through everything to survive and now I’m homeless using the library computers to find a job. You’re young …you have plenty of time to catch up. With hard work and saving your money.
    You’re education will work for you sooner or later. The country will never be the same after this deep recession and I believe that the unemployment rate will remain high for a longtime to come for reasons you stated. So what’s the answer…socialism. The haves will have to take care of the havenots in this country. I am trying hard not to be a havenot any longer but it’s getting harder and harder and the gov’t that I paid taxes to is not helping

  50. reinkefj says:

    @blissful The FED is the root of all evil. It allows the politicians and bureaucrats to spend using the hidden tax of inflation to rob us. And, a bunch of foreigners holding “dollars”. The sad fact is that we don’t learn for history. Paper money ALWAYS goes to zero. Politicians since the Romans always inflate (i.e., shaving coins). And, “We, The People” always forget the lessons of history. Argh!